I think loneliness has been accepting myself to get trapped in an unhappy relationship for years. I know I have the will power, but the fear of the unknown is really scary.. I have been in this relationship for three years. Wow.. I cant believe it’s only been three years because looking back, it feels like it’s been eternity. Him and I began as best friends and fell in love.
My boyfriend is a nice guy. He is loyal. He is smart. He is generous and also very easy going. These are qualities that I personally wished I possessed so I have always admired and appreciated the way his way of life brought me some zen.
However, as time went on, I realized that his easy-goingness really came from his lack of engagement to anything. He could not get anything done. Or he could not even start because he is “too afraid of failing”. He always pushes things to the last minute which always ends up stressing both of us out. I am not a planner. I am a Sagittarius for crying out loud. I like adventures and spontaneity, however, I saw myself gradually turning into a mom figure. Guiding him through very simple procedures of life, making sure to keep him motivated, making sure he follows through with his plans. It has become so exhausting, dragging him along to get things done.