Me and my bf have been together for 4 months. He is 30 and I am 21. We met on tinder on my 21st Birthday. Things have been going pretty great, but we have been having some crazy problems that do both of our heads in, and he says I have ruined his weekend. For example last week, I crashed my car by mistake it was a stupid crash and shouldn’t have happened, no one was hurt but I wrecked one of my headlights. I take full responsibility for what happened, it was a mistake and I feel horrible. After this happened he says that I am an idiot and a fuckwit and look what I’ve done, and now we are going to have to pay to fix it and stuff like that. I know I fucked up, but it doesn’t help that he just goes on and on for hours, telling me how reckless and stupid I am and he nearly left me over it. But I just don’t understand, when I make a mistake, yeah it sucks, but isn’t your partner supposed to stick by you and support you when things happen? Not go psycho and tell me how much of a liability and a dumb fuckwit I am? I have a job too and I’m prepared to pay for the damage to my car, I am not relying on him to pay for it. Sure, it puts financial pressure on us in the long run but what kind of person leaves someone because they were in a car accident where no one was hurt?
Other things that happen is he may say something to me. And I will say like what does that mean? (Because I have no idea) and he will say I’m a fucking idiot because I don’t know something.
Also he likes things to be perfect, and I do my best, but sometimes, I’m not, and I may miss a spot doing the dishes, or vacuuming, or something like that, and he will have a psycho at me and say I am lazy and a useless piece of shit.
This will happen often, he gets mad over the smallest thing, and when I try talking to him about how I feel, he will tell me to shut my mouth and be grateful for what I have and he doesn’t want to hear my bullshit.
We live together in a house we started renting 6 weeks ago. We love each other. And I just want everything to be better, but I don’t know how to deal with this. To be constantly told how I’m a dumb idiot, and that everything I do is wrong. He will criticize me constantly, saying this is the CORRECT way to do something, and I listen, it’s just the WAY he says it, like he won’t be nice or friendly about it, he will say ‘you’re a fuckwit and this is how you do it, and you should already know this and why don’t you already know it?’ I’m really trying my best, but there is always something new I am doing wrong.
He says he wants to make me a better person and that’s why he is doing this. He says women don’t argue, they should listen and do what their partners say, and women shouldn’t cry because crying is weak. I am really trying, but when the person who you love most in the world is constantly picking at you, telling you you need to be better and calling you names it makes me upset and I end up crying, I try so hard to not let his words get to me, but it never works.
I don’t want to leave him, I just want to make things better. But how?