My fiancé and I have fallen into a friendship”

I have been with my fiancé for over 7 years. In the beginning, we were madly in love and inseparable. As the years have gone by, I feel like we have fallen into a friendship. I do not ever want to hurt him. I have spoken to him about this before, and he became very upset and didn’t really understand it.

I am finding other people attractive and find myself fantasizing about other men. Recently my ex has come back into my life and has told me he loves me. I have always loved him, but I was hurt so much that I closed that all off. I don’t know what to do. Anyone been in a similar situation?

“I can’t stop feeling guilty for breaking up with him”

I was with my ex-boyfriend for 5 years (from 18 to 23). I met him while studying abroad, far from home. It was a good, happy relationship for the first 3 years. We lived together, we planned our life together, I was convinced we were going to marry and all that good stuff.

Things became difficult because he was a heavy weed smoker. Because of that, so was I eventually, but I didn’t blame him for that. Life was really not rosy … we had no money, he had no stable job, he kept changing them and quitting and stuff (I had 3 and that kept us going). We were both pursuing careers in creative fields, but neither of us had much luck with that. I really disliked the country we were living at (his home country) and was always from the very beginning very vocal about it. His answer always was — yes, I agree, we should move, I want to leave, too.

This went on for two years, but nothing changed. Eventually, in desperation I stopped waiting for him, found a university I wanted to apply to in Germany, started learning the language, and informed him of what I was doing. He didn’t try to stop me, but wasn’t too encouraging either, just a “yeah do what you want” kinda attitude.

But I still loved him with all my heart even then, and also felt loved by him — never was neglected or abused. There was just this crushing apathy about him that hurt me the most. In a year’s time, I found out I was accepted and realised I was going to have to move. I was delighted. I burst into tears, realising I could actually escape the life that was leading nowhere, working shitty miserable jobs just to survive.

His reaction, however, was unexpected: He was terrified and panicked. How can he move to a different country, he doesn’t know the language! What will he do there? I will study, but what will he do? And to top it all off, he told me I couldn’t just drop this on him so suddenly! I’d been telling him I wanted to move for 3 years, and that I applied to universities a year in advance. THAT hurt. And stuff did go sour then. We both became very hurt and scared for what was gonna happen to our relationship. However, we both loved each other, had a connection, and wanted to make it work.

So we tried. I moved on my own, with no help from him. I found an apartment, bought furniture, sorted out all the bills and legal matters. It wasn’t easy to be on my own after 5 years of having back up. And to top it all off, he called me to say he was diagnosed with severe clinical depression, and me leaving made it even worse. Continue reading

“If my current relationship fails, should I try again with my ex?”

I’ve been online dating someone for a year now.

That aside, in 2011 when I was 16, I’d started online dating my ex. In 2013, the day I turned 18, I dropped out of school and bought a bus ticket to where he lived. It was great at first, but declined quickly as soon as trouble arose. For whatever reason, I’d stuck around for a few years after and only moved out and back in with my dad June of this year. I did love my ex, and I was sad to leave, but there was so much bitterness nothing could be done.

Back to my current LDR, I do deeply love this boy. However, I cry a lot since leaving my ex’s place, and every time I talk to him (which isn’t often, but sometimes he lets me know, because we did have a life together). Continue reading

“My friend gave me mixed messages, then said I broke the girl code”

Here’s some backstory so you can better understand my situation:
I used to be friends with a girl, we’ll call her D. So D was dating this boy, we’ll call him M. D wasn’t a very good friend, she was super dramatic, problematic, and argumentative and she also lies ALL THE TIME. So D and I met in 8th grade. In 11th grade, D and M started dating. They both went to the same private school but I went to the public school. Whenever I was around both of them she would start problems and run out of the room crying and all this other dramatic BS. M and I became friends, and D didn’t mind that at all really. Eventually they broke up, but I stayed friends with both of them. D encouraged me to date M, and said things like, “you two would be so cute together,” “can I be a bridesmaid in the wedding?” “when are you gonna date already?” etc. Continue reading

“She still has feelings for her cheating ex”

I met this girl at a place and we started inboxing. After a week-and-a-half, we went on a date of sorts where she told me she liked me and I admitted that I liked her too. She almost kissed me that day, but I backed off, knowing she had to sort out stuff with her ex. Anyway, the next day we met again and she came over to my place and she stayed for the night and for next few days to come we practically lived together going to work and coming back and the whole deal.

On our first night we discussed that she needed to make the decision that 100% being with me or nothing. After 4-5 days she meets up with her ex and she rediscovers her feelings for her ex, who’s a profound skirt chaser and had cheated on her multiple times and still she decided to go back while I was better at everything. Now this stuff is messing with my head I really did like this girl … what should I do?

“I have a crush on my ex-boyfriend’s ex-boyfriend”

So, I am best friends with my ex-boyfriend’s ex-boyfriend (I’m a guy). I also have had a huge crush on him since he broke up with my ex. I didn’t want to ruin what we had between us, so I never bothered to vocalise or display my feelings. Then, he got a boyfriend, and I pushed my feelings to the side and remained his best friend. Now, he has been broken up with his now-ex-boyfriend for a month (from a four-month relationship), and my feelings have come back stronger than ever.

I stayed at his place on Sunday night. I arrived at 1:30 and we talked until 3:30. Take into mind that we were sharing the same bed, as friends do, like. Then, we started kissing and after two minutes, he said “I can’t do this! I’m not ready for a relationship.”

And I said “Okay, that’s no problem.”

He then said “You can’t tell Shane about this,” and I said “My sex life isn’t any of his business, so he ain’t going to be finding out. Look you don’t want this so I’ll stop.” Continue reading

“I can’t get over my first love”

So, recently my first love contacted me. He pretty much ended our relationship on a terrible note, and left me crushed in the wake. The relationship itself was rocky but we were young, fresh out of school, and had different interests. He was a gamer, I was a partier. Though I did like gaming, I much preferred just being social and surrounded by people. We had our normal conflicts. I trusted him until the end of the relationship after I found out he had almost hooked up with a girl at a mutual friend’s party during one of our breaks (so that was never an issue in the relationship until the end). I had been very open with him during our times of separation and just expected the same amount of respect back. So once I found that out, I got paranoid and I knew it was going downhill. We broke up two months later.

He grew up in an emotionally and mentally abusive home with an alcoholic and had childhood traumas I couldn’t even touch, but I tried so hard to support him and be patient through all of his struggles. I wanted to be there for him as much as possible because I loved him, I still love him to this day. I’m by no means insinuating I was perfect, my family isn’t “good.” On more than one occasion, under the influence of alcohol, he had outbursts at me, never hitting me, but he would choke me. He never knocked me out or really hurt me, it was more of a restraint hold… And I would leave and eventually forgive him because I knew he didn’t know how to properly manage his emotions (in a matter of five years, this happened four times – no excuses just letting you know) and to me, when you love someone, you fight through the bad because they are worth it and obviously I knew of his past, so I was willing to try. Continue reading

“Is it better to lie?”

My ex-boyfriend and I are still talking (not seeing each other), because we both have feelings for each other. Although we were exclusively dating, I never called him my boyfriend, because I wanted him to change first. After 6 months of dating, he went on vacation with his family and started flirting with another girl. They were both posting pics on Instagram and flirting online. He told me she was his cousin for the whole month he was on vacation. He told me the truth when he came back, but he said he never did anything physical with her and he’s in love with me. According to him, he wanted me to see and get jealous. If that’s the case, I don’t understand why he would tell me she is his cousin, but whatever.

I can’t trust him anymore, and I specifically told him I can’t be with him and that we’re just friends. It’s been 2 months. I feel weak and ashamed that I don’t have the strength to let go of him. I know I need to get him to move on too. I kissed another guy 2 days ago to try to forget about him, which only worked temporarily. Continue reading

“My ex-boyfriend has no boundaries with the mother of his child”

My ex boyfriend and I are trying to work things out. His relationship with the mother of his child has been a problem with me because I feel they have no boundaries. For example, while we were in a relationship she would send him sexually charged comments. He would tell me she’s just joking but I don’t find it funny and he won’t correct it. Now today while I was at his house, her car broke down on her way to drop off their kids. She ended up having to stay the night. At 12 o’clock in the morning, he is alone in the guest room with her for almost an hour. It upset me and I told him that but he didn’t think it was a big deal. Am I overreacting?

“My ex-boyfriend keeps using me for sex”

I’m heartbroken and tired of being “played with.” My ex and I broke up about two months ago, and I am still devastated. I genuinely feel like he forced me to break up with him, because the moment it was even suggested, he agreed and wouldn’t let me take it back.

I haven’t been living here very long. I moved here a couple of years ago, but, haven’t made very many close friends yet. He was my best, and almost only friend. I am friends with people I work with, but I don’t see them outside of work. He has lived here his whole life and has a good network of friends. While we were together, they were kind of my friends too.

After we broke up, he basically insisted on staying friends. I have tried this in the past and know that this is very hard to do! Continue reading