“I got engaged and now I don’t want to kiss him”

In late August I got engaged to my boyfriend of a year and a half. He is twelve years older than me. I’m 25 and he is 37. He is kind, loving, funny and hard-working. Honestly, everything was great until we got engaged. I don’t know why but everything changed for me then.

On the day he proposed, he’d done it when I was struggling to stay afloat in a new job and without my family there. He knew I’d always wanted my family there. I also cried a lot that night before it happened because I was so unhappy with my job. I said yes because I loved him. I’d told him before that if he’d ask I’d say yes. It was a tough night and I don’t remember it with joy.
Fast forward to now. We have yet to set a date. I’m also beginning to feel that he could care less if we get married. We’ve talked about moving in together but I am the one who initiates it. I talk about budgets and what we can afford, as well as research apartments. He seems to get bored with the technicalities and says we’ll figure it out. He applies this attitude to wedding plans as well. This has made me feel resentful of him. It annoys me that he cares so little. In turn, I’ve begun to dislike the man I once loved.

Finally, our sex life has waned. After we got engaged, it took a month before we got back in the sack again. In all fairness we had conflicting work schedules. Even so, the times we did hang out we would eat pizza on his couch. The pattern has continued and once again I have been the one trying to talk about it.

Then yesterday, the first time in another month, I shuddered when he kissed me. (Not in a good way, if there is a good way to shudder?) But I didn’t want to even kiss him.

What the heck should I do?

2 thoughts on ““I got engaged and now I don’t want to kiss him”

  1. R says:

    Take care of yourself. Forget him. If hes like this now while youre engaged its only going to get worse once youre married. So instead focus on yourself and your own happiness. Focus on connecting up with family or finding a way to make your job more tolerable. Maybe get a new job? Maybe go visit your family. Honestly, youre still pretty young. Go off and LIVE.

    Please dont marry someone you cant even stomach to kiss. For your own sake.

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