“Her coworker threatened to kill me if I try to go anywhere near her”

I was in a relationship with someone for close to 3 years. We had decided early on that we wanted to get married. Recently, though, she broke it off, shifting all the blame on me.

I took the blame, being the nice guy, and she originally gave me a chance to win her back. But soon after (the next day), she retracted any chance to be in her life. She said she had been unhappy for a while, but never told me anything. I didn’t see a big change, since she was always negative.

I haven’t faltered once in the relationship with love. I always wanted to be there for her, but she ended the relationship without any chance for me to try to make things better. I am worried for her, so I told her family about the situation, and even they don’t know what’s wrong. She won’t answer to anyone in her family, and she’s lying when she says she’s talking with her family. Continue reading

“He says sexual/perverted things to me”

I met someone at work a few months back. He works in a different department, but often comes around to chat with people. He’s been talking to me a lot, trying to get to know me, and I’ve noticed he seems different to me than to other girls. He talks about personal things sometimes, and lately has been saying some sexual/perverted things. Also, whenever he sees me or talks to me, he brushes his hand against my arm or nudges me.

There are times, however, when he ignores me — when he’s with other people (male or female), sometimes he pretends I’m not there and pretends he isn’t looking at me. I haven’t known him for that long, but it really confuses me, because it would seem as though he likes me, or at least wants to have sex with me. But then there are moments when he acts like he has a problem with me.

He teases often in a friendly way, but sometimes he is just mean, and I really don’t know what to think about it. Somebody said it might just be that he wants to have sex, but doesn’t want to tell me, as it might be inappropriate. I’m not sure what to believe.

“My husband is acting inappropriately with his coworker”

I caught my husband direct messaging a girl coworker several times, but he deleted it all before I could read it. He insisted it was innocent and that he was helping her out, because she was new. I chose to believe him, but now I found out he bought her a big bottle of vodka and put it in her car at work for her birthday.

Now he says the same thing, that he was just trying to make her feel good, because she is going through a hard time. No matter what I say or do, he just keep insisting it was completely innocent. He also keeps getting mad that I don’t believe him and says I have insecurity issues. My mind feels so messed up and confused at this point.

“I have a crush on my boss”

My husband is unaffectionate with me. Consequently every male person that shows me any affection I tend to develop feelings for. Usually I just avoid them until my feelings subside, but this time it’s my boss. I’m also having delusions that he has feelings for me. He is much younger and the situation is impossible. I am a little lost and would appreciate any advice.

“It’s been three years since our one-night stand, and I still can’t get over her”

About four years ago, I developed a crush on a coworker. She was perfect to me in every way. She was seeing someone, so we were just good friends. Ten months later, she broke up with her SO and moved back home, five hours away. Another seven months passed, and I missed her so much, that I visited her on her birthday and we ended up having sex. It was the best I have ever had.

After that, we (she) decided we were better off friends. Since then I’ve gotten into a serious relationship and it’s been two years. I love my girlfriend very much and am very happy, but I still think about my coworker, and that night, and I can’t get over those feelings.

We don’t really talk anymore, but I still somehow can’t get over her, even though its been over three years. What do I do?

“I can’t figure out where we stand”

I’ve been getting to know a coworker for the past few months, but since the start of summer, I’ve started to like her more.

We often have lunch together one on one, and recently have been going out for lunches that I’ve referred to as dates. She returns physical contact, and often, but not always, messages me first thing in the morning.

The problem is she lives out of state and goes to grad school after hours and has such little free time that we haven’t done anything outside of work. We see each other during the week, text a decent amount, and talk on the phone on occasion, so I can’t figure out quite where we stand or how to proceed. Any advice?

“My boyfriend hasn’t cheated, but I can’t stop checking his phone”

I have been with my boyfriend for three-and-a-half years now. He is beyond perfect for me. He’s always there, he’s so romantic, and I know he loves me. I’m his first girlfriend.

I have been cheated on and hurt in the past, and I still have my guard up, but my boyfriend doesn’t even show interest in other girls, and always makes me feel special and tells me how pretty I am, and it does make me feel amazing. But whenever I see him talk to someone else or add someone on Facebook, I get extremely jealous, and it always turns into an argument!

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“He regrets cheating, but I’m having a hard time forgiving him”

My fiancé and I have been together for nearly four years. He has quite a promiscuous past, but I saw past that and gave him a chance. When our baby was eight weeks old, he went to France for a trip he won through work.

A woman on the trip started flirting heavily with him while they were both drunk on the plane. He refused her advances. On the first night there, he got insanely drunk, and she came on strong. He cheated on the rooftop of the hotel with her.

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“I’m not into him at all, but still enjoyed hooking up with him”

There’s a guy I work with at a bar. He’s a chef, and I’m a bartender. We’ve walked home together twice and made out quite heavily both times. We work together very rarely, so I doubt I will see him for another month or so.

I don’t fancy him at all, but really enjoyed getting felt up. Is that bad? I think he might like me, in which case I feel guilty. And if that’s not true, maybe he wants more than just fooling around. Would guys just want to fool around? I have a feeling they wouldn’t.

“Flirtationship?”

So I got this coworker, right? Funny guy. Friendly. Sweet. Hes kind of a flirt, though he insists up and down and sideways that hes not. Ive been working with him about 6 months. Our interactions have always been based on real casual flirting: teasing, silly nicknames, overly smiley greetings, simple compliments, casual chats over our mutual interests, etc. I assumed (or still assume) thats just how he interacts with everyone, he IS an outgoing type.

But over the last month or so its sort of snowballed into something else entirely. Im usually a pretty closed off person but hes a stunningly good conversationalist and I find myself sharing details about myself I would normally never tell a guy Ive barely known a few months. And on the flip side of that coin hes also telling me things about his personal life that I really dont think hes sharing with his other coworkers. On more than one occasion we’ve discussed things like “plans for the future”, “ideal relationships”, skeletons from our pasts in our closets, insecurities… etc. Hes stupidly intuitive, so hes usually got a pretty good idea what Im trying to say without me being very direct and handles more delicate topics much better than I do. Im sure thats part of whats made me so comfortable around him (despite not really trusting a word he says because Ive written it all off as plays)

The flirting has actually died down now (Though I still dig that he pretty much laughs at every joke I make. I know my sense of humor is way too dry for most). But the more we stopped to chat about one thing or another the more other coworkers started to gossip. On more than one occasion weve heard “Just freaking date already”— which we both promptly brushed off and pretended didnt happen…. only for coworkers to insist more loudly that were seconds away from needing to “get a room”.

In the beginning we were both very clear. We had both casually mentioned to each other “Im not dating right now.” “Flirting is just a way to pass the time at work, it doesnt mean anything.” We were on the same page. It was just… fun. We dont even refer to each other as friends. Were just…. coworkers. Coworkers who like talking to each other.

And despite finding him attractive I continue to insist that thats all it is because hes already fooled around with 2 other coworkers (months ago now) and I dont want to be a part of some guy just making his rounds. He swears up and down it wasnt that serious with either of them but gossip spreads like wildfire at our work. There are fundamental flaws that would prevent us from being an ideal match that we’ve already discussed (Though it was discussed in casual conversation, not as us actually addressing the elephant in the room): I dont want to get married or have kids, He already has two young kids and severely romanticizes domestic life despite it never working out well for him in the past. Those conversations usually end in him insisting I’ll change my mind and grow up someday and me insisting I dont date at all and changing the subject. (For the record Im almost 25. Hes somewhere around 31.)

But if Im really honest with myself here. I would be totally on board with maybe giving the dating scene a go…. with him. Or… part of me is on board, the rest of me looks at those pictures of his adorable (motherless) daughters he keeps showing me and I back away so quickly I trip over my own feet because I barely think of myself as an adult as it is and I also just cant…. in good conscience walk in and out of a child’s life as a footnote in their dad’s story.

But despite my reservations and all my self preservation I did still…. find him on facebook and message him one evening out of boredom. We never exchanged numbers. But just like at work, our first facebook conversation was SUPER flirty (almost dirty) and since then we havent really messaged each other all that much. Hes messaged me once or twice maybe… Ive sent him a funny video or told him some work gossip after hours a few times… But nothing else.

And then a week ago, out of the blue he starts straight up avoiding me. I guess now that Ive written this all out I’m not as surprised by it. But as it was happening I was surprisingly heartbroken, despite having told myself over and over again that we were JUST coworkers. I managed to pull him aside and ask if he was ok, just like hes done to me before on my more off days. He insisted he was fine and continued to avoid me. I vented to another coworker what had me so worked up and she ended up confronting him to ask why. He told her nothing was wrong, he hadnt been avoiding me and it was in her head and then, that same day… returned to chatting with me like usual. Flirty grins and all.

Yesterday he confronted me about it, admitted he HAD been avoiding me but it wasnt anything I did, it was more just… to try and stop the ever increasing gossip and pressure from our other coworkers. He told me he had hoped one very jealous very obnoxious coworker we both dislike would leave me alone and stop making rude remarks if he didnt talk to me at all while she was working.

Im not entirely sure I buy that reasoning he gave… because I know him well enough to know that hes way more of a flirt than he will ever say and theres a distinct possibility he just doesnt want to seem unavailable to new cute hires but… she IS exceptionally obnoxious and… heh…. I do remember telling him about a week ago that the “harmless” teasing from our coworkers over my nonexistent love life and their projected relationship between me and him was making me miserable and I had considered quitting.

Now that I…. say that out loud it sounds a bit harsh. I wasnt implying that them trying to hook us up made me miserable. But I– guess thats one way it could be taken. I really just meant I hated my personal life being in their spotlight like its their own personal soap opera. Im pretty sure he knew that.

I feel like— my actions make it pretty clear that Im pretty into him but I know my words definitely completely contradict me sometimes. Hes the opposite. Everything he says is like a green light. His actions are more mixed and difficult to navigate because… theres really no reaching out outside work. But hes a single parent so I mean, I cant really fault a person for that. Despite mostly flirty/open body language hes extremely aware of my personal space and never even accidentally invades it, backing up if I move closer to him (which may or may not be because Ive had issues with other coworkers being handsy and have complained to him about personal space invaders)… also he IS extremely flirty/friendly with all the female coworkers and he IS kind of a sucker for the damsel in distress thing. Which on the one hand is great. Any time I fumble and drop something or fall behind with work he is RIGHT THERE to help but…. I dont know, if it wasnt me Im pretty sure it would be literally any other “damsel” in his immediate vicinity.

Ah… there wasnt really much of a question in all that, was there? I guess Im just…. confused where I stand with this guy.