My boyfriend and I have been dating for 2.5 years and have a future ahead of us. I love him with all of me and would do anything to make him happy.
Last night we got into an argument regarding him smoking. He was not a smoker when we began dating, but during a short break early on in the relationship, he turned to it to cope. As we got back together, he felt he didn’t need weed anymore and “put it to the side”. Over the years, he has lied, and gone behind my back to smoke with friends. Recently, we agreed that I would be more open to the idea of smoking if he could maintain honesty and good communication about it, which I thought would help. He told me he was going to the clinic for a ‘pickup’ last night and it affected me more than I expected. I’ve always had a problem with his smoking (I have smoked before), just because I feel like a distance is created between us when he his high, and I have to treat him differently. He smokes leisurely, (once a week) because he sees absolutely no problem with it.
I can’t explain what I don’t like about smoking without saying I just don’t like it. In our argument, he said he would do anything for me out of love, except for quit smoking, because it’s something he enjoys and wants to do. I don’t want to give him an ultimatum because he’d be stopping for the wrong reason. Is it wrong for me to be upset with him? He wants me to respect his desires, but it makes my wishes feel unheard. He’s willing to agree to disagree. What do I do/say?