“He cheated, it’s in the past, but I’m struggling to move on”

I found out over a year ago that my partner had cheated on me. I’m still struggling with it, and I’d like some advice from an unbiased source. The way in which I found out was teen-soap-opera levels of melodramatic, but I’ll leave it at this: I found out, confronted him that night, and after several nights of conversation we decided to work through the issues and stay together.

Fast forward to now, and we’re getting close to 3 years. The love I feel between us is so strong and sincere that I get emotional thinking about it. I’ve had my fair share of shitty guys who lent a hand in warping my perception of myself and my worth, but this man has helped me feel loved in the skin I’m in now, and I’m so unconditionally cared for. We live in our own places but I’m there often enough to feel like I live there, with my own set of keys. We spend so much time with each other and I really do cherish every moment. Continue reading

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“He sounds so clingy and insecure”

I am 23 years old and have started talking to this guy who is 20. We met off a dating website (I know, I know, that’s why I’m second-guessing). We’re both virgins (well, I am for sure — he has told me via text that he is also a virgin — he said that before I told him about me being a virgin). He also said he hasn’t done anything with a girl before. I am also a very independent female who has done a little with a guy, but not the full event.

Anyway, from when we started talking, we have talked every day. He constantly tells me everything — when he’s going to shower, when he’s going to the gym, at the gym, leaving the gym, having a shake or a tea, and when he is having a nap.

Yeah, all the flirting and teasing is all fun, although I’m still second-guessing, as now he tells me he ¬†misses me already” when we don’t talk for a day or something. And he said he had his cousin there, but just wanted him gone, as he felt bad for “putting me on hold,” and asked if he could call me “babe.” Continue reading

“I’m worried I have damaged our relationship”

To begin with… I am severely traumatized by cheating and lying exes and in general a pretty insecure person. I know it’s not an excuse but it might explain where this is coming from. I am always so scared of losing him.

I did a mad mistake. A while ago I checked my boyfriend’s computer and found out he was having chats with webcam girls. One can be argued whether this is considered cheating or not but for me webcam sex is. I couldn’t stop after my discovery and checked everything from Facebook to browser history. We talked, he stopped it and I apologized for breaking his trust and swore to him and myself never to do it again. I really believed I would never do this again. Continue reading

“He stole my car keys, then tried to make me give him a BJ to get them back”

About three months ago, a guy from school/work asked me out to dinner, as a date, presumably. I gladly accepted, as this was a man I was growing fond of. It all started out wonderfully, mindless chatter, stories from work, and at once, I noticed a very protective aura coming from him. Even as we walked out, he was latched to me in an endearing way.

Things changed quickly. Right off the bat, he made it 100% clear he was a sexual person. Every time I wanted to come over just to CASUALLY hang out, he would grab me as I approached, kiss me, and begin to feel me up/grope in his driveway. Any location of the body, you name it. Nothing affectionate, nothing tender, and often times, bruises were left on my chest from his grip and painful bite marks on my shoulders, that stung a day later. I brushed it off, figuring that was natural in the moment. Continue reading

“Boys tell me they don’t like me because I’m black”

Hello. ūüôā I need some advice please. There’s this boy in my first period class I think is very cute. The only thing is, he’s Hungarian and doesn’t speak English very well, so he doesn’t talk much. When we make eye contact, I try to smile and he smiles back, and I often try to get his attention in other ways, too, but he doesn’t seem to notice.

I thought maybe it was because I wasn’t his type, so I’ll describe myself to you. I’m a girl, 16 years old, black (Nigerian American) and 5’3″. My hair is currently in long black braids. I would say I’m pretty facially, but I do wear makeup to fill in my brows and cover up dark spots and acne scars (i have a lot of discoloration). I definitely don’t think I’m ugly though. I’m not really slim but I’m also not fat — just your average girl with some concealable belly fat. My skin shade is not very dark but also not light either. I would say I’m about the same shade as Kelly Rowland or slightly lighter. Continue reading

“My husband is talking to other women”

So, my husband and I have been together for 11 years. Lately, he seems really uninterested in me sexually or emotionally. We don’t talk unless it’s about bills or something serious. I’ve noticed lately he has been chatting with some old friends of his who¬†happen to be female. One of the females was very disrespectful to me, and he did not defend me, but, he claims it’s just a friend, and that she is not attractive to him.

Yet, he has long private conversations with them – one of which was a sexual conversation that was supposedly a joke.

He says he loves me and is afraid to lose me, but am I really just being naive and being played or am I just being crazy?

“I can’t tell if my coworker likes me”

So I’ve written a blurb before, but things have changed quite a bit since then, and now I’m just as lost as I was before.

I have an immense crush on my coworker. I have for quite a while now. Everyone at work kind of knows Im fond of him. I’m not a particularly friendly person, and I’m usually pretty quiet/shy, so it’s been pretty obvious that I like him. We were fast friends, too. We like all the same things, have the same sense of humor etc.

But since it’s so OBVIOUS that we get along really well, my coworkers tease us constantly and sometimes they can be pretty crude/inappropriate about it.

It’s led to us kind of looking over our shoulder before we talk to each other and sort of pretending to ignore each other sometimes because our coworkers watch us like hawks. We’re their entertainment. My boss has gotten increasingly more rude to me as a result of all this too.

We’re just friends. Flirty friends. We always have been … despite the rumors. We’ve talked about a “friends with benefits” kind of thing just once (in private, after another coworker stirred the thought into existence) – about a week or so ago. We mutually decided that we’d like to — but it’s a really bad idea. This was decided after we both severely overreacted to each other’s hesitation and got into an argument. So the verdict was that it would ruin our friendship, and we dropped it and went back to just being flirty friends. Continue reading

“I freeze up whenever I try to talk to a girl”

I’m a 23¬†year old¬†male, and there’s this girl that I like. Problem is, I feel like I have no personality or an identity. The girl I like goes out a lot to drink and have fun and stuff, whereas I don’t do any of those things. There are many times where I want to break out of this shell and just go out, but, I just keep pulling myself back because I don’t really do that, and I’m afraid that I’ll be too boring.

I don’t go to parties because I’m the person that just sits down and never dances. I feel like I’m lost or something. I’m working minimum wage and some of my co-workers initiate conversations with me, but at the end of all of those conversations, I still feel empty. I can’t hold a conversation either, so I don’t know why they talk to me, but, I’m not going to say that to them. There are a lot of conflicting things happening to me, mentally. I see photos of my co-workers and their friends going out and having fun, and I just feel terrible. I feel like an old man inside a young body, and it sucks.

Anyway back to the girl. She’s the very opposite of me. Continue reading

“I feel so insignificant compared to her”

I like someone. Okay, yeah, we all like someone, but I like him a lot¬†and don’t really know how to deal with it. And it’s not even like we’re friends, so it’s not a problem or anything.

My problem isn’t him, actually. My problem is kind of me. See, he has a girlfriend who’s really pretty and tall and thin and has long blonde hair and is incredibly skilled at drawing and her eyeliner is always perfect and I feel so insignificant compared to her. I mean, I will be able to get over this guy eventually, but I still feel really terrible about myself right now?

Can someone please give me advice on feeling more confident or at least how not to, like, compare myself so much? Because I found myself obsessively refreshing her Instagram the other day, and I think I need to stop.

Signed sincerely,

A Hella Jealous Insecurity Machine