“I love him but don’t see a future”

I think loneliness has been accepting myself to get trapped in an unhappy relationship for years. I know I have the will power, but the fear of the unknown is really scary.. I have been in this relationship for three years. Wow.. I cant believe it’s only been three years because looking back, it feels like it’s been eternity. Him and I began as best friends and fell in love.

My boyfriend is a nice guy. He is loyal. He is smart. He is generous and also very easy going. These are qualities that I personally wished I possessed so I have always admired and appreciated the way his way of life brought me some zen.

However, as time went on, I realized that his easy-goingness really came from his lack of engagement to anything. He could not get anything done. Or he could not even start because he is “too afraid of failing”. He always pushes things to the last minute which always ends up stressing both of us out. I am not a planner. I am a Sagittarius for crying out loud. I like adventures and spontaneity, however, I saw myself gradually turning into a mom figure. Guiding him through very simple procedures of life, making sure to keep him motivated, making sure he follows through with his plans. It has become so exhausting, dragging him along to get things done.

My friends and family have never approved of him as my boyfriend material because of his idealistic and make-believe personality. He is very kind and sweet but that was always something that made my close friends hate him because my boyfriend is too much of a puppy, 100 percent dependent on me. You know, in the beginning, I enjoyed his cutesy, affectionate, can’t-live-without-you attitude. It was endearing. But now I am seriously second guessing but I still find myself taking him back again and again, leaving myself at an unhappier place every time.

I’ve been wanting to move on and start fresh for the past year. He has been talking marriage down the line so I was preparing myself because he has not been. I got a great job and a business degree, have been saving up for “our future”. While my boyfriend has been supporting, talking sweet loving words, and being kind – he also has been at home doing nothing, not particularly looking for a job for the past three years after college graduation. When I asked him if he has been looking seriously into jobs, he never elaborates so I was just so fed up to even ask about it.

I did love him very much. There are unbelievably incredible things he has done for me throughout our relationship that has really touched me deeply. I still do and always will have love for him. However, I don’t see a future with someone this irresponsible and unrealistic anymore. But every time I do break up with him, he begs he will change and asks for me back – and because he is a good soul at heart, I do take him back but I really know that I should leave.

I think I am afraid that there are other fish in the sea but the other fish aren’t any better. I think I’m scared to lose something I invested so much of my time and heart in.

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2 thoughts on ““I love him but don’t see a future”

  1. wanderingmarten says:

    Yes there is other fish in the sea. Yea are very right there. I was in your situation, even deeper in it ( 5 years and engaged) i ended it, and it was very hard, and painful and i felt “guilty” for hurting such a “good soul” for a long long time. But i’ve never been happier myself. If you don’t see the future together, if he saddens and burdens you, you have to move on. Love is not enough. Mutual respect and effort is required. The fact that you are supporting you both ( as the only one with a job ) and also have to plan the life for you both alone, is a clear sign, that you are doing all the work in the relationship, and he just fell in to a comfortable routine of being happy and safe with you. Maybe even without meaning to or understanding what he is doing… he is using you. Are you ok with that? Being good friends and good people does not necessarily make you compatible life partners. You are basically living your life alone and also giving mental and financial support to this person. The support should go both ways. Leaving someone you love is very hard, but it’s your life, and you should not waste it trying to make him finally start living his. If it is true that you made the effort to “push” him in to action, and clearly explained what you want and expect from him, and nothing changed? nothing will then. So you have to choose, to live with that for the rest of your life, or move on. Being single or “alone” really is not that scary as people in relationships think. it is actually quite liberating.

    Best of luck.

    M

  2. Anonymous says:

    I think you are being very realistic with your expectations. Don’t feel that there isn’t anyone better than him. There are literally billions of people on this earth, and if he is holding you back from having the relationship you want, then it’s time to move on.

    If you genuinely care for him, you can still be friends and push him to get a job and get his life on track. I think him being in a relationship is enabling his laziness since you are his provider. Maybe once you two are apart and stay apart, he will actually make changes in his life.

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