“I want to end my relationship”

My boyfriend and I have been together for 6.5 years. We have 2 children, a 4 year old daughter, and 1 year old son. I am completely miserable with him and can’t bring myself to leave. He used to be married to another woman. She cheated and they divorced. A long time ago his mother told me that she was the love of his life and he’d never love anyone like that again. I told him about it and he said it wasn’t true, but honestly who would be dumb enough to say that it is true? Now after going on 7 years and 2 kids, still no proposal, and I’m starting to figure out she was right.

My boyfriend is obviously not very attracted to me, we have sex once a week, if I’m lucky, and the only reason that happens is because I drink enough to initiate it. I’ve lost the ability to try to have sex with him while sober. I know that sounds gross but it gets worse.
He has these weird fetishes, he wants other men to have sex with me while he watches. He also wants to have sex with the men. That’s really the only thing I can do to make him horny, is talk about it.

As long as I’m listing reasons I can’t stand him, he plays video games ALL day. I wouldn’t mind him playing for even 6 hours a day or something but he plays from the time he wakes, to the time he falls asleep.. He chats with people on his headset all day and that’s the only time he laughs and is happy.

He doesn’t shower enough, pretty much only yells at his kids to shut up or move, as to not bother him. He barely speaks to me anymore. He won’t even leave the house, he wouldn’t go to my family’s house for a Christmas get-together. I had to take the kids and go myself then wound up stranded at a gas station with a flat tire! I think this has been the final straw.

I probably would have left him already but I have no job, no car and would have to stay at my mother’s house. I have no problem being independent but that’s hard to do when you have no babysitter for when you go to work and no car to get to work! I have spent the majority of the last few years being a stay at home mom and now I have nothing to show for it.

I want to end this relationship and move on with my life, I deserve better and my kids deserve better. But I can’t work up the courage. I don’t even see a way I could get on my feet after leaving. I can apply for public assistance but then I’d be stuck in section 8 housing and would be terrified to live there with my babies.

Someone please give me advice, I have nobody to talk to.

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2 thoughts on ““I want to end my relationship”

  1. Anonymous says:

    This is the saddest, most desperate letter I’ve ever read. What a sad life for your kids. Father doesn’t care for them. Mother doesn’t care enough to go to the Dept. of Human services to get back on her feet to help the kids. Do you feel mad or ashamed at that last statement? GOOD!

    Now pull up your big girl panties and do something! You think you are the only woman to go through this? NO! Now go be independent, help those babies and stop making excuses. Like yesterday. There’s help for you out there. You only have to reach out and take it. Call your counties human resources right now. RIGHT NOW and let them help you. They can counsel you to get started and on your way.

    Because what you are teaching them now is horrible.

  2. Anonymous says:

    I’ve watched too many people in my life in this same situation. I understand the fear of not being able to find an option that’s not going to cause great pain to your children, but you need to look at it this way: would you rather a short term upset for your children or one that spans the length of their childhood? It may seem an awful thing to say but you can’t talk about how awful your kids lives are with him and then not feel the need to do something about it. When they are older, I’m sure they will appreciate the sacrifice of you leaving him to better their futures than staying in a dead end relationship. It’s not only how he treats them and you, but what their views of relationships will be once they reach the age in which they have them.

    I wish you all the best in the future.

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