I’ve been having a rough couple months. Nothing seems to be going right, and it’s been really hard to smile lately. My relationship with my family, as well as my lover, has been slowly deteriorating. I’m currently taking a break from any intimate relationships, but I was always, always seeking for a friend to talk to. It got things off of my mind, even if just for a moment.
It became a sort of coping mechanism.
One ever-so-fateful night, I found myself in some random chatroom with another person. We stumbled under the same topic category and he was very pleasant to talk to (none of my close friends were up at the time, or were far too busy for me to approach). We talked about absolutely everything. We had deep talks about religion, society, and any intellectual thing imaginable. At the same time, we spoke about quirky references and memes. It felt like we had known each other for years (as exaggerated as that sounds). It just felt so different. I had never connected with anyone so similar to me before.
Later on, he decided that we should keep in touch, and so we did. We added each other on a chat-based app and messaged one another. A couple of days hereafter, we became fast friends, to say the least. I’ve never been one to act impulsively, nor upon my emotions.. But something about our interactions made it so easy to open myself up to him. He asked why my lover and I took a break, and he gave me insight as to why I should love myself instead of worrying about my current relationship status. I’m a very pessimistic person, and he brought a very insightful perspective unto me. One that I needed to hear after all the other shit I’ve been going through. I hadn’t smiled so easily in such a long time.
Now.. neither of us were foolish. We didn’t rush into anything sexual. And it was absolutely wonderful how we could care less about being touchy and affectionate with each other. (We lived quite a ways apart, so I wasn’t expecting anything). I was sure to make clear that I wasn’t ready to be in any sort of relationship anytime soon, and I was happy to know he respected that. There was even a time when we distinguished that we fit into the “demisexual” side of society. We both looked down on one-night stands and summer flings. Emotion and a personal connection always came first to us, and I never sympathized with anyone so deeply about these ideals. Several times, however, he showed interest in me. They weren’t bold statements, but they were surely there. His cunning, subtle little flirts made my heart swoon. He had an incredible way of saying things that he knew I would appreciate.
For about a month, however, he stopped messaging me. It took a lot amount of courage to initiate conversation with him again. He didn’t reply the first time, but I caught him online a couple weeks later, and we conversed once again. He apologized for not getting in touch with me sooner. His reasoning was that he didn’t want me to emotionally invest in whatever was happening between us. But honestly, I was perfectly ok with being friends for a while. In fact, I didn’t really want him to be a lover right off the bat. Our friendship was absolutely beautiful the way it was. His company was all that I needed, and I felt as though he sought my presence, as well.
Days passed again, and it just seemed like we grew a lot closer. I actually started getting excited to see him message me back. This hasn’t happened in a long time. I’ve had feelings for my previous lover for 8 years, and I haven’t quite emotionally invested in anyone ever since. But this quote and quote “friend”? I felt as though he was about to beat that long-time record.
The first time he asked me to watch a show with him while speaking to me on the phone, I couldn’t stop smiling. He had stayed up messaging me and out of the blue, he proposed it as if it were a date. I later reminded him that I didn’t want to hurt him because I was still figuring things out with my lover (we are still broken up), and, as if to make me feel better, he suggested to watch it with me as my friend. I willingly agreed, but when the time came to watch it with me, he was unable to do so. I forgave him the first time because we both hadn’t slept the night before. He had slept through the appointed time. But, the following day or two, he brought it up again. He boldly suggested that we try again on Tuesday (which was yesterday). And again.. He didn’t show up. I just feel so devastated.
Last Saturday, I noticed that he wasn’t on my friend’s list anymore. My intuition screamed at me that he removed and blocked me. I pretended it didn’t bother me.. But slowly, I grew more and more disappointed. Everything had ended so abruptly and I was taken aback. He hadn’t done a single thing to upset me until now, and he seemed to enjoy my company. He seemed like a very reasonable young man, and I felt as though we connected uncannily well. I had never hit it off with someone this well in such a short amount of time, and now I’m just in utter shock. He’s left without a single trace and I tried to add him back.. Only time will tell if he’ll ever see it.
I honestly just wanted to get to know the guy. He was so intriguing. It wasn’t every day that I stumbled into someone who enjoyed conversing about deep obscurities about life,and then immediately switched the conversation to memes. I cannot deny that I developed a sort of crush on him; but being his companion was more than I could ever ask for.
Would he be worth pursuing? Had I done something to upset him? Would any of you have any ideas as to why he just up and left?