So, recently my first love contacted me. He pretty much ended our relationship on a terrible note, and left me crushed in the wake. The relationship itself was rocky but we were young, fresh out of school, and had different interests. He was a gamer, I was a partier. Though I did like gaming, I much preferred just being social and surrounded by people. We had our normal conflicts. I trusted him until the end of the relationship after I found out he had almost hooked up with a girl at a mutual friend’s party during one of our breaks (so that was never an issue in the relationship until the end). I had been very open with him during our times of separation and just expected the same amount of respect back. So once I found that out, I got paranoid and I knew it was going downhill. We broke up two months later.
He grew up in an emotionally and mentally abusive home with an alcoholic and had childhood traumas I couldn’t even touch, but I tried so hard to support him and be patient through all of his struggles. I wanted to be there for him as much as possible because I loved him, I still love him to this day. I’m by no means insinuating I was perfect, my family isn’t “good.” On more than one occasion, under the influence of alcohol, he had outbursts at me, never hitting me, but he would choke me. He never knocked me out or really hurt me, it was more of a restraint hold… And I would leave and eventually forgive him because I knew he didn’t know how to properly manage his emotions (in a matter of five years, this happened four times – no excuses just letting you know) and to me, when you love someone, you fight through the bad because they are worth it and obviously I knew of his past, so I was willing to try.
Now, five years after, he dumped me for a girl I had previously questioned him about and he told me they were just friends. He’s trying to talk to me again, apologizing for the way things ended. He said he wasn’t ready for our kind of relationship back then, and he needed to date this girl because she herself was a recovering alcoholic and he just wanted a better understanding of them, himself, and his own emotions from years of dealing with his abuser.
He told me his relationship was pretty much miserable, but, eye opening and he’s grown a lot and just wanted to talk. I told him I feel like he’s rebounding and that him digging up the past is selfish because I have already dealt with it. Though in all honesty, I was hoping for closure. We legit ended our relationship of five years over a nasty phone call. I have dreams about him all the time. I feel like getting the closure I needed would help me put them to ease. And him saying what he did to me was wrong is giving me some of that needed closure but at the same time I still love him. And obviously he cares enough to reach out to me, or maybe he is just being selfish to cope with his fresh wounds of the ended relationship with that girl he left me for. LOL.
I won’t lie, I miss him. He wasn’t just my boyfriend of five years, he was a friend for 10. He made me happy and content when we were together, I felt safe and at home with him. We talked about marriage and kids (things I never wanted) and our time together was amazing. The sex was outstanding, the chemistry was tangible. I loved his family, his sister tried to remain friends with me, but I felt it was too much of a burden to try to maintain that friendship, and I needed to fully separate myself from him to move on.
Anyway, now I feel weak letting him know I still have feelings for him and I feel silly, considering after he’s caused me so much emotional pain. I lost all my confidence when he left me, I’m not at all the person I use to be. I don’t go out and party. I’m sober. I was diagnosed with a heart condition. I was raped by someone I considered a friend (he doesn’t know). All of my friends slowly have stopped talking to me or I’ve stopped talking to them because they only wanted to party and get fucked up. I’ve really changed in the past five years and I’m curious if he has as well. I guess what I’m asking, is should I give him a chance? Or should I let sleeping dogs lie. Though with running into him they may have woken.
This gets more complicated because I’ve been talking to a guy who lives very far away and have been arranging for him to come visit me ASAP because we both have mutual feelings for each other but the distance and cost is putting that dream to a halt and I’m not sure if I should be so emotionally attached to someone I’ve never even met and if I should throw away my opportunity with him for my ex or vice versa. This situation has me so stressed. I’ve asked friends and no one seems to give me a legit answer on what to do.
I’m scared of getting hurt again. I’m scared I’ll choose the wrong guy. I’m scared he’s not changed at all. I’m scared I’ll make a regrettable mistake here so I’m coming to this random site to ask for advice. Be easy on me.
I’m a 27-year-old female, btw, and I hope this post isn’t too spotty, and explained enough for you to get an idea of whats going on.
Also, on a creepier fact, let me explain this series of events: I had a dream about him. the following day he wrote me on Facebook (I did not know). Two days after that we ran into each other for the first time since our split (that’s how I found out about the message). Just weird coincidences that happened I felt obligated to point out. AND these types of things have brought us together in the past, so it gives me the heebs. Anyway thanks for taking the time to read/reply/whatever.
What would you do?