“My girfriends’ stories about her ex are upsetting me”

I keep finding out from my girlfriend (been dating for 3 months) about boys that she has kissed or given blowjobs to in the past before we dated and it really messes with my head, especially because of the biggest issue.

About 2 months before we started dating (neither of us even liked each other at the time) she was “friends with benefits” with my best friend, and would constantly describe what kind of actions she would do for him, and the worst of all, he gave me very specific details about the time that he took her virginity (they only had sex 3 times, the first time being her very first time ever).

My girlfriend truly does regret it and wishes it didn’t happen, but my mind cannot get rid of those specific details that I was told, and even a video that my best friend showed me (before her and I dated) of him getting a blow job from her. It hurts every time it crosses my mind and it’s started to hurt our relationship and it’s starting to make me very sad. I would like help to be able to clear my mind and come at ease with the whole situation.

Advertisements

“We don’t want to invite her to the wedding”

I’m maid of honour at a wedding, we have a close-ish group of girl friends who are mostly all invited, except for one, who the bride (and her partner and I agree) don’t really want to invite. She is mostly just in the friendship group because it’s been the same since high school, rather than because we have a lot in common.

She can be very loud and disruptive and frankly won’t make a nice addition for the wedding, and isn’t a good friend of the bride. Anyway, the bride already sent her a save the date, because she was afraid of hurting her feelings, but now is sure she doesn’t want her at the wedding, also swayed by the fact she didn’t realise that most of the rest of the group didn’t care for her much either. Any advice on how to break it to her? Or do we just never send her the invite (feel like that may be hard/ cowardly to do). Or are we being horrible and we should just invite her?

Tldr – how do we not invite one person from the friendship group to a wedding (when she’s already sent congratulatory card / flowers, knows the date etc)

As I’m writing this I realise I sound horrible, but surely if it’s your wedding you should invite whoever tf you want, not just people to save their feelings? She hasn’t been the kindest person in the past, and no one is going to mind if the friendship is broken. But fair enough if you think we sound like big meanies!

“My best friend hates my boyfriend”

One of my best girl friends has started acting a bit suspicious when it comes to getting together with others. It’s starting to feel like she is tactfully excluding my boyfriend and I’m wondering who is in the wrong and how to address this situation.

Let me start off by saying, I love a girls night! I’m perfectly content ditching our boyfriends, fiances, and husbands for a night just us girls. This is not the issue. The problem is other times, when we are all going out (brunch at a restaurant, drinks at a bar, a get together at a mutual friend’s house) where there will be people of both genders, she makes it a point to exclude my boyfriend. I’m not sure how it affects her if my boyfriend is there or not. Let me give some examples:

Brunch with a group of friends, she told me “no boyfriends allowed” per one of the men attending’s request. I found this odd and decided not to go. Funny thing is, we actually ended up meeting the said man before the brunch and he asked why we weren’t joining them.

A bunch of our friends are all getting drinks at an outdoor bar this weekend, there is a Facebook event for it. She invited me and the other girls in our friend group but none of our boyfriends, even though they are friends with a lot of the people attending.

There have been many situations like these and it doesn’t seem to be just my boyfriend she excludes, 2 of my other girl friends have boyfriends as well and she excludes them the same.

My question is, if other guys are going to be at these events, why is it an issue if we bring our SOs? These are public places and they have every right to be there. I don’t really understand how our partner’s presence affects her, besides the fact that we aren’t available to make small talk with other men, who think we’re single.

Are we both in the wrong? Or just one of us? Is there something I should do to address this moving forward?

“Do I break away from these friendships?”

I have a friend, more specifically two friends who I am considering ending the friendship with. One has changed from being someone who is fun to hang out with, to just a jerk. He thinks I’m his punching bag, yeah we screw around, but recently it’s not been a joke. I’ve tried getting him to chill, but he won’t. It’s not like I’m even provoking him in any way.

The other friend has gone from a funny person to be around, to a self centered jerk. We could screw around and have fun, but now he’s got a girlfriend, and his girlfriend comes along, and then he becomes a jerk trying to impress her, and acts like he’s better than me in every possible way. The annoying part about him being a jerk around his girlfriend is I’ve told him how I felt about him treating me. So, that’s the situation. Do I break away? Do I make a last effort? If I break apart how do I do it?

“I need to know for sure if he likes me or not”

My male best friend just left for bootcamp for the marines. I think I’ve fallen for him though. I care for him so much I would honestly take a bullet for him, and I wouldn’t do that for just anyone. He’s the most loyal and caring person I know, and we all know how hard it is to find someone like that these days.

Whenever I was upset and told him I needed a hug, even if it was midnight, he would actually drive over just to give me a hug and make me feel better. He had also told me how, if he survives the marines, he would like to settle down and start a family. And I’m actually willing to wait for him, no matter how hard it might get. His guy best friend, we’ll call him C, has been trying to get us to date as well. C asked my best friend if he would date me, and I tried getting C to tell me what my best friend said, but he just replied with “Bro Code” and left it at that.

My best friend has done so much for me, and has always been there for me, whenever we got food he would never let me pay, he always helped me get in shape, whenever I asked for anything, he would get it for me, but I just need to know for sure if he likes me or not; if he doesn’t, then at least I could have the closure to move on and find someone else over time, while keeping our friendship intact. I would do anything for him, but would he do the same for me? Please help me.

“I don’t know if she is there for me or not?”

I have this friend who I’ve known since first grade. At first we weren’t that close but since I started losing people left and right, she’s been all I’ve had and I love her like a sister and appreciate her being there through everything.

As the years have gone on, I’ve noticed a change. It’s weird because it’s never a constant thing, it’s always changing, but basically she goes through these phases where one minute I’m her bestie then the next she appears to act like I’m an annoyance that she has to keep up with. Continue reading

“My best friend doesn’t know my real identity”

So, I’ve known my best friend for two years now. I’m closer to him than I’ve ever been with anyone and he’s extremely important to me.

Two years ago when I met him I was using an alias to hide my real identity online, as I really don’t want people who know me irl to find me on my socials. I created a whole fake identity. Nationality, name, etc.

Now, I’m stuck in the lie. I’m so afraid I’ll lose him if I tell him I’ve been lying this long, but as someone who knows more about me than anyone else, I feel like he should at least know who I really am. Should I tell him? How should I go about it?

“What’s wrong with me?”

My best friend left for bootcamp for the marines about a week ago, and ever since then, I’ve been acting weird, both physically and emotionally. I can’t sleep, and when I do, it’s always nightmares about him dying on the battlefield.

I can’t eat, just thinking of food makes me sick to my stomach. I barely talk to any of my friends, and I’ve started to isolate myself from everyone. He’s all I think about day and night and I’ve ended up crying every night because I’m scared for him. But he’s my best friend, why am I acting this way?

“I’m in love with my best friend”

I’m in love with my best friend who is a girl. I am male but gay, (or bi I guess) and I have feelings for her. She is incredibly sweet and pretty and nice, but is currently in a relationship with someone who has hurt her in the past.

It is still a strong relationship, but I am worried about her potential, as well as my feelings towards her. I think that if I told her we would still be friends, seeing as we’ve talked about living together and things like that, but I don’t want to do it while she’s in a relationship. The guy she is in a relationship with is also a good friend of mine.

“Is my friend racist?”

I have a friend who makes racist jokes towards me. I am half Asian/half white and one of my friends makes offensive Asian jokes and it can be quite hurtful. They don’t do it on purpose to upset me, but I’m pretty sick of it and wish they’d stop.

Should I speak to them about it or just cut them out? Are they a real friend if they say things like that to me?