“Strangers always think we’re dating”

I met this guy, we’ll call him Jason, about a year and a half ago. We hit it off immediately, and I had a crush on him since day one. My attraction was pretty apparent, but he always made it a point, in an indirect way, to tell me what his type was (which is the opposite or me), which led me to believe he was just putting me in the friend zone.

My friends would say he was a flirt, but I just took it as him being friendly, since he didn’t want “anything more.” So after that point we would hang out periodically just as friends, nothing more. When we hang out though, it is always a good time, and for long periods of time. He is the first close gay friend I’ve had, who’ve I’ve actually been able to talk to and share pretty much everything with.

Fast forward some time, we hang out, we get closer, and anytime there is any issue, he immediately wants to talk about it, very openly and wants to discuss feelings and resolve it. In my life I haven’t had many people, who I can talk to like this. Continue reading

Advertisements

“Both me and my married brother like a girl”

So… I’m in my mid-twenties and have never been in love. I have had crushes and whatnot, but often move on quickly enough. I’ve also had people confess affection for me, though in a cruel twist this tends to put me off…

However, I’ve been friends with someone for the past few years, and I think I might be starting to fall for them. I’m no expert, but I think there’s been some flirtation and hidden signals, and I notice quite a lot of glances coming my way when I’m not looking. Though there’s a good chance I’m reading into things too much… Continue reading

“He sends a lot of mixed signals”

There’s a really cute guy from a school in the next town over that I have the biggest crush on. I met him through mutual friends, and I’ve been hooked on him ever since. We Snapchat a lot, and he always tells me I look cute or compliments me. He even asked me to hang out!

But when the weekend came, I didn’t hear from him at all, so I texted him, and he said he was working, and the next night he was with his friends. He sends a lot of mixed signals by asking me to hang out, and then not responding to me. I really want to date this guy, but I can’t tell if he’s interested, and I don’t want to seem too clingy/ annoying. What should I do??

“He acted romantic, but then didn’t want anything serious”

I got matched with this guy on Tinder. We talked for a couple of days and decided to meet up. The first planned meeting didn’t happen because he was too tired from work. Yup, he is flaky! But it eventually happened a few days later, when he had his off day from work. It was plain getting to know each other through a meal and a couple of drinks. He walked me to the bus station, I went home and that was it. Nothing physical. Didn’t realise the purpose of Tinder changed!

We texted almost daily after that. I invited him over to mine for our second meeting. We had sex. And a couple of times more across a few weeks. Then, it turned out weird. We started going on romantic dates. We walked the park. We explored some new places. We watched movies. We met up for dinners. Sometimes with sex after, sometimes without. It got really confusing. We would cuddle all night and have breakfast together. It wasn’t just about sex anymore.

From the beginning, we assured each other that we don’t want anything serious, especially since I am leaving the country in a year time. But, eventually, I got attached and I confronted him. He then said he doesn’t want to take things further and would only like to meet sometimes and sleep together. Continue reading

“My friend gave me mixed messages, then said I broke the girl code”

Here’s some backstory so you can better understand my situation:
I used to be friends with a girl, we’ll call her D. So D was dating this boy, we’ll call him M. D wasn’t a very good friend, she was super dramatic, problematic, and argumentative and she also lies ALL THE TIME. So D and I met in 8th grade. In 11th grade, D and M started dating. They both went to the same private school but I went to the public school. Whenever I was around both of them she would start problems and run out of the room crying and all this other dramatic BS. M and I became friends, and D didn’t mind that at all really. Eventually they broke up, but I stayed friends with both of them. D encouraged me to date M, and said things like, “you two would be so cute together,” “can I be a bridesmaid in the wedding?” “when are you gonna date already?” etc. Continue reading

“I’m in love with my best friend, but he gives me mixed signals”

I have known this guy M since 2010, and we have been friends since. However, we did move away for a few years and both recently moved back to the same city, so our contact has been off and on for a long time.

Earlier this year in April, we started meeting up with one another, and I have always thought he was a good-looking man, but after seeing him this time, I was very attracted to him in a way I had not been before when we first met back in 2010. Anyways, since April we have started seeing each other regularly — hanging out and going out once or twice a week — and have gotten very close. We completely trust each other, we discovered we have a lot in common and expect the same thing out of relationships.

One day we were hanging out watching a movie, and he started holding my hand, so I was really excited, because I was thinking “holy crap he must have feelings for me.” Since then, we have been cuddling, and he’s started showing me a lot of affection. Sometimes I stay overnight and we cuddle and sleep. We however have never been sexual. He has kissed me on the face and playfully bit me on the neck once. When we cuddle, he touches my hips, so to me, that is more than just friendly, right? Continue reading

“I’m confused by what my ex-girlfriend wants”

Me and my girlfriend broke up last Thursday because she needed space and learn how to find happiness within herself. But she said she still loves me.

Sunday one of my friends got In a argument about how I deserved better and weirdly, that day she was acting like we were dating again. Later on that day, she texted one of my exes and told her to leave me, her boyfriend, alone and block me. But on Monday, things went back to normal, and we were still broken up.

I get depressed a lot and Tuesday I woke up very in a bad mood and cut myself. When I told her, she didn’t seem to care and said she couldn’t talk anymore. I told her that it was okay, and later she texted me saying she didn’t mean forever. That confused me super bad and we started to talk again, but not like we were back together. Continue reading

“He says he likes me, but isn’t good in relationships”

So, I like this guy whom I’ve been seeing once a week, but we usually only hook up at night  — booty call type of stuff. Some days he gets bothered with my phone blowing up and jokes around saying “my lover is calling” etc. Usually says I lie a lot.

Certain times he made me feel like more than a friend by holding my and hand calling me pet names. He tells me that he likes me, but is not good in relationships. He once said it’s OK for me to like him, just not in that way. Whatever that meant.

Anyway I really like him, but at times he makes me feel bad about myself, or like I’m nothing to him really. I’m confused. What should I do? Help please.

“I love him, but he wants me to go for his best friend”

I have a friend that I have known since I was 4, and I am now 22. I stated liking him back in grade 6 ( when I was 11), started really liking him in high school, but never did anything because he was my brother’s good friend.

Well, coming home from school this January, I started talking to him again, and I fell even harder than I ever thought I would. He told be I was his first crush and that he has always liked me “like that.” Recently, we had a downfall with a lie that was started though his ex and mine. It tore us apart. He said he needed time, and I respected that. During this time, it seemed as though he lost all interest in ever being with me.

Continue reading

“Flirtationship?”

So I got this coworker, right? Funny guy. Friendly. Sweet. Hes kind of a flirt, though he insists up and down and sideways that hes not. Ive been working with him about 6 months. Our interactions have always been based on real casual flirting: teasing, silly nicknames, overly smiley greetings, simple compliments, casual chats over our mutual interests, etc. I assumed (or still assume) thats just how he interacts with everyone, he IS an outgoing type.

But over the last month or so its sort of snowballed into something else entirely. Im usually a pretty closed off person but hes a stunningly good conversationalist and I find myself sharing details about myself I would normally never tell a guy Ive barely known a few months. And on the flip side of that coin hes also telling me things about his personal life that I really dont think hes sharing with his other coworkers. On more than one occasion we’ve discussed things like “plans for the future”, “ideal relationships”, skeletons from our pasts in our closets, insecurities… etc. Hes stupidly intuitive, so hes usually got a pretty good idea what Im trying to say without me being very direct and handles more delicate topics much better than I do. Im sure thats part of whats made me so comfortable around him (despite not really trusting a word he says because Ive written it all off as plays)

The flirting has actually died down now (Though I still dig that he pretty much laughs at every joke I make. I know my sense of humor is way too dry for most). But the more we stopped to chat about one thing or another the more other coworkers started to gossip. On more than one occasion weve heard “Just freaking date already”— which we both promptly brushed off and pretended didnt happen…. only for coworkers to insist more loudly that were seconds away from needing to “get a room”.

In the beginning we were both very clear. We had both casually mentioned to each other “Im not dating right now.” “Flirting is just a way to pass the time at work, it doesnt mean anything.” We were on the same page. It was just… fun. We dont even refer to each other as friends. Were just…. coworkers. Coworkers who like talking to each other.

And despite finding him attractive I continue to insist that thats all it is because hes already fooled around with 2 other coworkers (months ago now) and I dont want to be a part of some guy just making his rounds. He swears up and down it wasnt that serious with either of them but gossip spreads like wildfire at our work. There are fundamental flaws that would prevent us from being an ideal match that we’ve already discussed (Though it was discussed in casual conversation, not as us actually addressing the elephant in the room): I dont want to get married or have kids, He already has two young kids and severely romanticizes domestic life despite it never working out well for him in the past. Those conversations usually end in him insisting I’ll change my mind and grow up someday and me insisting I dont date at all and changing the subject. (For the record Im almost 25. Hes somewhere around 31.)

But if Im really honest with myself here. I would be totally on board with maybe giving the dating scene a go…. with him. Or… part of me is on board, the rest of me looks at those pictures of his adorable (motherless) daughters he keeps showing me and I back away so quickly I trip over my own feet because I barely think of myself as an adult as it is and I also just cant…. in good conscience walk in and out of a child’s life as a footnote in their dad’s story.

But despite my reservations and all my self preservation I did still…. find him on facebook and message him one evening out of boredom. We never exchanged numbers. But just like at work, our first facebook conversation was SUPER flirty (almost dirty) and since then we havent really messaged each other all that much. Hes messaged me once or twice maybe… Ive sent him a funny video or told him some work gossip after hours a few times… But nothing else.

And then a week ago, out of the blue he starts straight up avoiding me. I guess now that Ive written this all out I’m not as surprised by it. But as it was happening I was surprisingly heartbroken, despite having told myself over and over again that we were JUST coworkers. I managed to pull him aside and ask if he was ok, just like hes done to me before on my more off days. He insisted he was fine and continued to avoid me. I vented to another coworker what had me so worked up and she ended up confronting him to ask why. He told her nothing was wrong, he hadnt been avoiding me and it was in her head and then, that same day… returned to chatting with me like usual. Flirty grins and all.

Yesterday he confronted me about it, admitted he HAD been avoiding me but it wasnt anything I did, it was more just… to try and stop the ever increasing gossip and pressure from our other coworkers. He told me he had hoped one very jealous very obnoxious coworker we both dislike would leave me alone and stop making rude remarks if he didnt talk to me at all while she was working.

Im not entirely sure I buy that reasoning he gave… because I know him well enough to know that hes way more of a flirt than he will ever say and theres a distinct possibility he just doesnt want to seem unavailable to new cute hires but… she IS exceptionally obnoxious and… heh…. I do remember telling him about a week ago that the “harmless” teasing from our coworkers over my nonexistent love life and their projected relationship between me and him was making me miserable and I had considered quitting.

Now that I…. say that out loud it sounds a bit harsh. I wasnt implying that them trying to hook us up made me miserable. But I– guess thats one way it could be taken. I really just meant I hated my personal life being in their spotlight like its their own personal soap opera. Im pretty sure he knew that.

I feel like— my actions make it pretty clear that Im pretty into him but I know my words definitely completely contradict me sometimes. Hes the opposite. Everything he says is like a green light. His actions are more mixed and difficult to navigate because… theres really no reaching out outside work. But hes a single parent so I mean, I cant really fault a person for that. Despite mostly flirty/open body language hes extremely aware of my personal space and never even accidentally invades it, backing up if I move closer to him (which may or may not be because Ive had issues with other coworkers being handsy and have complained to him about personal space invaders)… also he IS extremely flirty/friendly with all the female coworkers and he IS kind of a sucker for the damsel in distress thing. Which on the one hand is great. Any time I fumble and drop something or fall behind with work he is RIGHT THERE to help but…. I dont know, if it wasnt me Im pretty sure it would be literally any other “damsel” in his immediate vicinity.

Ah… there wasnt really much of a question in all that, was there? I guess Im just…. confused where I stand with this guy.