“Both me and my married brother like a girl”

So… I’m in my mid-twenties and have never been in love. I have had crushes and whatnot, but often move on quickly enough. I’ve also had people confess affection for me, though in a cruel twist this tends to put me off…

However, I’ve been friends with someone for the past few years, and I think I might be starting to fall for them. I’m no expert, but I think there’s been some flirtation and hidden signals, and I notice quite a lot of glances coming my way when I’m not looking. Though there’s a good chance I’m reading into things too much…
The real issue is this: my married brother is also friends with her, and he has started to become very flirty with her. She seems to enjoy it, but I don’t see her showing him as much affection as she does with me. That said, several things over the years have hinted that she might also fancy him (she often asks me about him and his wife, particularly explaining how little she likes her.)

It’s painfully clear to me watching that he is interested in her, and when we hang out together he is much more forward with her. This has made me lose some of my confidence and I am now very quiet when we hang out, and if anything was going to cement me in a friend zone it’d be awkward silence and not knowing what to say, so this worries me… Essentially I feel like a third wheel. What I would do is put as much distance between us as possible and move on, but that is not possible in our situation.

For reasons I won’t go into, it would be very “gauche” for me to stop a friendship with her. This leaves me with one of two choices – remain awkward and silent, and watch painfully as my brother continues to woo her, or compete with him (which I’d hate to do, as he’s my brother and I do not want us to become enemies.)

The mixed signals I have received from her upset me. One moment I catch her lingering glances or touches on me, and the next she seems totally disinterested in me. For the same reasons I can’t stop a friendship with her, I also can’t confess my feelings to her without more certainty. The whole situation breaks my heart a little, which leads me to believe that this is finally me falling in love. Except now I have to watch her fall for my brother instead…. I could really use some advice about what to do here. What’s the best course of action?

Sorry for the rant… this is the first time I’m admitting this. Talking about this stuff doesn’t come easily to me. Thanks for reading.

In summary – both me and my married brother like a girl. She seems to like us both, but he has definitely been “winning” lately. I can’t confess my feelings and I can’t move on. What do I do?

3 thoughts on ““Both me and my married brother like a girl”

    • Sophie says:

      I think you should talk to the girl about your situation and if it’s awkward, it’s awkward, at least then you can move on.

  1. Anonymous says:

    Why would you want someone who would be willing to cheat with a married man? She’s a adult who knows what she’s doing.

    You could ask her out directly however and by pass your brother, but do you trust her not to cheat on you with a cheater?

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