“He stole my car keys, then tried to make me give him a BJ to get them back”

About three months ago, a guy from school/work asked me out to dinner, as a date, presumably. I gladly accepted, as this was a man I was growing fond of. It all started out wonderfully, mindless chatter, stories from work, and at once, I noticed a very protective aura coming from him. Even as we walked out, he was latched to me in an endearing way.

Things changed quickly. Right off the bat, he made it 100% clear he was a sexual person. Every time I wanted to come over just to CASUALLY hang out, he would grab me as I approached, kiss me, and begin to feel me up/grope in his driveway. Any location of the body, you name it. Nothing affectionate, nothing tender, and often times, bruises were left on my chest from his grip and painful bite marks on my shoulders, that stung a day later. I brushed it off, figuring that was natural in the moment.

One of the first questions he asked me when I visited was, ‘Can you clean and cook?’ When I shrugged it off, he said, ‘You better.’ Later that night, he attempted to initiate sex, and I said no. Reason being, physically, the act is difficult for me for the time being. He was visibly disappointed but walked away anyway. When I tried to give a kiss to make him feel better, it was right back to the rough groping.

His behavior outside of his house changed as well. He took a jacket of mine that he ‘disapproved of’ that he still has. He makes cruel comments at women who dress skimpy, and when I mentioned a single male friend of mine, he demanded to know more, saying a ‘girl can’t have male friends without them thinking she wants them.’ When a casual classmate texted me one day, he found out his number and texted him, telling him to leave me alone. He states openly to me that he believes all Africans should be hanged/executed, all gays should not exist, and that Trump should be president. I know. I know.

Our first real sexual encounter was vastly uncomfortable. He knew I was hesitant and uncomfortable, yet did so anyways, despite the difficulty of it. Afterwards, he told me it wouldn’t happen again, because he knew I was not okay with it. A night after, he stole my car keys and tried to make me give him a BJ to give them back. When I refused, he pressed his hand against my neck, out of concern for his parents hearing me speak, proceeding to say ‘I don’t like it when you say no to me.’ I broke down and told him his promise to me, to which he changed face, saying “I said ‘I don’t like it when you don’t say no to me’.”

He demanded my phone password and locked my phone out when I refused, even though he wouldn’t give his in return, which I think is fair. The same day, I was talking with a male coworker in a casual fashion, and he must have seen, because he ignored my existence for the next two days. When I asked about it, he said he ‘needs a little space right now’ and that he’ll let me know when he’s ready to talk.

I just don’t care, is my thing. I know he seems awful beyond repair, but I just don’t care about relationships enough to pay it too much heed. Still, would be nice if he shaped up. Today, I sent him an ultimatum. I told him how I felt, how he treated me, how I didn’t get the love I gave, and that he could either show he still cared, or tell me he didn’t. He hasn’t responded.

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6 thoughts on ““He stole my car keys, then tried to make me give him a BJ to get them back”

  1. Anonymous says:

    Get out now. This is a chauvinistic sexual preditor and you are already enduring physical, sexual, and mental abuse. Change your locks and don’t do things alone because it sounds like he is on his way to stalker. You may need to talk to your manager at work or HR to deal with him there too. He is bad news all over. He is not going to change but get worse.

  2. R says:

    That is some 50 shades of gray shit right there and…… for your own wellbeing you should very carefully consider what you are and are not willing to put up with and what you do and dont deserve because let me tell you—- no one deserves to be treated the way hes treating you. He doesnt SEEM awful. He is. And he will not get better. No ultimatum out there will change that behavior for the better. Please. For your own safety….. run.

  3. Thy who shall not be named says:

    You need to get out of there ASAP. This is how full blown abusive relationships start; they start by being controlling and paranoid about other people, but it will most likely get worse. They’ll start to become even more physically violent with you, and if you brush it off you may well end off hospitalized or dead. I know, harsh, right? But it’s the truth. Get out before it gets worse.

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