“He cheated, it’s in the past, but I’m struggling to move on”

I found out over a year ago that my partner had cheated on me. I’m still struggling with it, and I’d like some advice from an unbiased source. The way in which I found out was teen-soap-opera levels of melodramatic, but I’ll leave it at this: I found out, confronted him that night, and after several nights of conversation we decided to work through the issues and stay together.

Fast forward to now, and we’re getting close to 3 years. The love I feel between us is so strong and sincere that I get emotional thinking about it. I’ve had my fair share of shitty guys who lent a hand in warping my perception of myself and my worth, but this man has helped me feel loved in the skin I’m in now, and I’m so unconditionally cared for. We live in our own places but I’m there often enough to feel like I live there, with my own set of keys. We spend so much time with each other and I really do cherish every moment. I do feel guilty sometimes that I see him so much, and I do tell him to vocalize when he wants his own space. When he goes to hang out with friends, I want him to have fun and enjoy himself and I’m more than cool with it…97% of the time.

He has a short list of good friends that he sees on a near regular basis, all of which I’ve met. There are one or two girls that when he goes out with them, I just get a pit in my stomach every time. Or on nights like tonight. I stayed at my own place for the first night and when he didn’t answer my call I immediately could envision someone else with him. In reality? The guy is on his new PS4 playing Battlefield with the guys. But instead I tell myself that he’s with another girl, they’re doing Lord knows what, and he’s happier with this imaginary, tinier, cooler, more established person.

I’m wildly insecure about a lot of stuff. I’ve been cheated on, to varying degrees, in the majority of my relationships. I don’t really remember or understand my worth most days. My body and my appearance is a huge problem and I’ve been trying to work on my mental health through this, university struggles and family losses.

I’d love some advice or opinions from anonymous people about how I can help calm my insecurity and my jealousy. This man, despite some of his past actions, has done right by me at the end of the day and helps me feel valued. I don’t want to push him away by feeling this way or by bringing this up and opening these wounds of ours again.

Thanks in advance. Hope y’all are having a good day/night.

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One thought on ““He cheated, it’s in the past, but I’m struggling to move on”

  1. Anonymous says:

    Couples concealing or it will come up. If you can’t communicate this then the relationship is doomed. This isn’t some little thing. It takes two both working on a relationship and a third party will not only help you work through it to move on, but also help him see how to help you when he thought this was over and it’s not.

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