I woke up this morning from dreaming about my ex all night. We dated on and off, for about 6 years. We have been broken up for close to 3 years. I can’t seem to let him go. I dream about him often, even on days that I haven’t even thought about him.
I still run into him with his new GF at festivals. I guess that’s not going to change, because that’s how we met. We both love the music scene. I’m not sure why I can’t seem to let go. I left him for many reasons, he was not a good BF, he was not a man, he could not grow up or treat me right. I gave him so many chances to fix himself, but by the time he had started making changes I was already over it. He broke my heart into a million pieces over and over again. It has been the greatest heart break, but some of my most fondest memories, all at once. How do I let go? Why can’t I? Does he still think about me? Is it because we are still some how connected? We’ve always said we were soul mates. I guess I never really stopped thinking about him, but I just shut down for years, went numb. And maybe now that I’m ready to be in a relationship I’m finally dealing with it? I’m not sure.
I can’t really speak to anyone about it because it’s old news, everyone is tired of hearing about it. It’s really pathetic actually, but what am I supposed to do? It’s my subconscious that keeps bringing him up. Throughout the day, I don’t sit here and wallow about the past. I go about my day like anybody else. I have a good job, I live in my favorite city, I’m looking for my own place and I have a man that loves me and wants to make a life with me, but still I can’t move forward. Is this just the process? Or is the universe trying to tell me something? Am I supposed to be with him and he’s still trying to figure it out as well? It’s been years. I should be over him, but something keeps pulling me back to him and I just can’t explain it.