I am a 65 year old male. I’ve been married once in my life to the same woman for 36 years. I love her but am not in love with her. We are in a marriage devoid of any passion. Tried therapy together 20 years ago that brought back a spark that lasted for a few months then stopped. I know this is not a unique situation. In the spring of 2003 I called a chat line that women could also access. I called on a regular basis. One day I connected with a woman that was there “just to see what it was about”. I told her about my situation. Told her that I had no plans of leaving my marriage but was desperate for intimacy of any kind to feel a connection. We ended up talking for a couple of hours and I asked her for her phone number so I didn’t have to continue paying the outrageous fees that were in reading as minutes past. She was reluctant at first but then agreed. I don’t know why she did but later told me that she appreciated my honesty and was also looking for a connection no matter how impersonal it seemed. She was/is single. I called a couple of days later and we masturbared together while we spoke. It was quite erotic. We shared some very intimate thoughts and feelings but they were all very tender, respectful and nurturing. The calls became more frequent. Phone sex was not always a part of the conversations but it did occur frequently. About six months after the first time we spoke she told me that she thought she was falling in love with me. I told her that I felt the same way. At the time I was 53 and she was 47. We had seen photos of each other but still had not met. Ten months past and we decided to meet. I was seeking employment out of state and we planned our meeting around an interview I had about 2 hours from her home and 7 hours from my home. It was easy for me to come up with an excuse because of the interview. We spent 3 days together. We made love several times over those 3 glorious days.
The relationship had gone from emotional to something far more. We met again 2 weeks later when I had another interview. This time we met halfway between both of our homes. This time we spent 4 days together. This became a trend that lasted for 9 years. We even took a vacation together for a week. The distance became a problem plus I had been hired at a job that made it difficult for me to get away. It became exhausting to keep lying about where I was and the relationship cooled off slowly but phone calls and phone sex continued. The last time I saw her was 9 years ago and we are planning to get together soon. We are still in love but she recently told me that the lying to her friends and family had taken its toll and she was having second thoughts. She wants to see me desperately but does not want to open that door again. Either of us have had sex with any other person for 9 years. I am deeply in love with this beautiful woman and she is in love with me. She is torn as to what to do and feels tremendous guilt because I am married. I am a smart, talented, decent and living man. Marriage is just a word to me when it comes to our relationship.
I overflow with emotion when I think if being with her again. We are both older, still in good shape but not what we used to be. It doesn’t matter. We look at each other and do not see our flaws. Does anyone have any suggestions for us in what to do. I can’t lose her. The thought of this happening is devastating.