I don’t know where to begin. I have been with my partner for almost two years. We live together, and I love him to bits.
He works away a lot. He is a tradesman and gets called all over the country to do work, so it takes its toll when he is gone for two or three weeks at a time, and then is only home for a few days before he is off again.
We have been very lucky in that he has had a lot of work near home for the past two months, so he has been home, and it’s been good to see him after I come home from work, and to be able to spend weekends together.
Before we got together, he had only ever had sex with prostitutes, which I didn’t think was a big deal. It’s all good. When we first started to get serious, he arranged to meet up with a prostitute, and that was almost the end of us. He promised to go to counseling (it was his idea not mine), but he never ended up going.
Every now and then, I get a feeling like, yeah, he is cheating, but I brush it aside. He just does odd things. If he says he loves me, he wont look at me. He hides his phone from me. He even gets defensive if I just ask what time he’ll be home, so I can make sure his dinner is still good.
A few days ago, I asked him about all this, and he said he loves me — he just doesn’t “feel” it. Of course, that broke my heart, but then he changed his wording to mean he just doesn’t know if he’ll love me in the future. That scares me, because we just bought our first home together, and we are taking steps to create the future we want together.
I was so shocked and worried, and then last night, he went out and left his phone at home. I just needed to snoop, which I don’t do — I’m not that kind of person — but I just needed to, anyway.
His internet history just broke my heart. The whole time he has been home, he has been seeing hooker after hooker, and has even joined couples who want threesomes.
When he came home last night, it had been obvious I was crying, but I lied and said it was because of something I saw on tv — which is quite believable because I get so emotional. I just didn’t know what to say. I feel like it’s my fault, because I shouldn’t have gone through his phone.
He left this morning for a month. I don’t know if I should say anything. My uncertainty makes me hate myself, because I make excuse after excuse for him, and I have given up so so much to make him happy. I love him so much, and I am beginning to realise I have been taken for a fool.
A part of me wants to pack up and leave while he is gone, but I’m too gutless. All my money — and I mean all of it — has gone into building this home for us. Another part of me wants to have a big confrontation about it, but most of me wants to ignore it and just let it be — just let him chip away little pieces of me.
LemonVibe 
Don’t leave. Stay. Try as much as possible not to depend on him for anything. And now, respect him. Give him the kind of honor that nobody will ever give him regardless of where he’s been or what he’s done. Don’t argue or bring up the matter, neither get too close or familiar with him. All you need is to honor him, regardless of what you feel. That’s one thing he’ll never get from anywhere else. And as he grows older and begin to value the most important things in life, he will love you for the honor you gave him when he least deserves it.
Why should she give him respect and honor when he clearly has none for her? You think she should just sacrifice her own happiness for this cheating bastard who doesn’t even know he wants to be with her for very long?
It’s very simple. What does she want? If she acts based on the reaction of the man to her, what would it make her become at the end of the day? She has the right to choose her course of action, I’m just giving an advice. And my advice is based on the assumption that the lady wants an uncomplicated life, a good marital future, no stupid drama, less stress, and a free heart and mind towards life and future decisions.
Yes Anon, that’s exactly what he thinks. In a traditional fundamental Christian relationship, the woman is merely to be subservient to the man. Her only job is to make him happy and serve him. So this wouldn’t matter.
Don’t let David’s username fool you, Rebecca. There’s nothing Christian about suggesting a woman should ignore the fact that her man is unfaithful.
And, David, honestly? “a good marital future”? With a guy who sleeps with prostitutes and lies to her? I don’t think you know the first thing about relationships. Consider if the tables were turned, would you stay with a woman who slept with other men and lied to you and didn’t really care about your feelings, just to avoid the drama of confronting her about it?
Mhm well, don’t make this into an argument. I believe the floor is open to give your advice and opinion. The choice is up to the lady.
Here are some Bible verses for you: they don’t leave a lot of wiggle room for interpretation:
Proverbs 13:5
Exodus 20:14
Hebrews 13:4
Proverbs 6:32
Matthew 5:32
I’m using CHRISTIAN as the bastardized version he seems to follow. Not all of them, obviously.
@Lex: Well played ma’dam.
@DTC: Why do you assume that she’s looking for marital happiness with this man? That’s the assumption you’re falling into, and it’s making you an ass. Her well-being is FAR more important than her marriage. Her life, her health, HER matters more than “honoring” the husband, you misogynistic tool. I have tons of advice and opinions for you, but I’m smart enough to realize they’re not warranted or proper, and thus I keep them to myself. You should do the same.
Uhhh if by confront you mean change the locks, get tested for STDs, and sell all his shit on Craigslist, then by all means, confront him.
If you mean anything else by confront, then no.
I’m pretty sure DavidtheCHRISTIAN up there is either a troll, or has a bible stuck so far up his ass that it’s blocking the blood flow to his brain.
Lex’s advice is a hell of a lot closer!
This man doesn’t respect you. He doesn’t love you. He doesn’t care about what he’s doing to you at all. He is potentially putting you at great physical risk. And he DOES NOT CARE. He doesn’t care that he’s lying to you. He doesn’t care that he’s hurting you! What does that say to you?
Lock him out. Sell the house. Whatever you have to do. You have GOT to be kidding wanting to ignore this behavior. Imagine dealing with this for the rest of your life. What happens if you get pregnant? Get married? You can NOT want this kind of life.
Woman up and leave his skanky ass.
This guy is no good for you. I’ve been in a relationship like this – trust me, he will not change for you. He doesn’t feel remorse and it is very clear. He flat out admitted he didn’t love you, he just tried to soften the blow so he could keep you around. Sell everything and get out of there. Don’t even say goodbye, just vanish, because he’s not even worth that much. You deserve so much better than this guy will ever have to offer you. I know it’s hard to leave when you have invested so much into it, but I promise you it is better for you than staying.
i am sorry he seems to have madonna-whore complex. You deserve way better than that. the real question isn’t about confronting him.
It is if you are sure you want to settle with someone who lies at your face and sleeps with prostitutes throught your marriage