“My ex has a new girlfriend, but I’m still sleeping with him”

I definitely need advice on this confusing relationship I’m in. So I was with my boyfriend for a year-and-a-half. We broke up almost two months ago. Right away, he started dating a way older woman (I’m 32, and he’s 35). She’s 58, with three kids and is divorced.

Right away, he moved in with her and her kids. From the first week he and I met, we both fell hard for each other. We both have children from previous relationships, but we both wanted a baby together, so we got pregnant. I was seven-and-a-half months pregnant when I went into labor and delivered our daughter, who passed away.

It’s been two months since we lost the baby, and just about two months that he’s been with her. The whole time he’s been with her, he’s been cheating on her with me. We see each other about four times a week. We talk all day, everyday on the phone. He says he still loves me and told me I’m still his girl.

Everyone knows about him and me, except for her. He recently moved back in with his mom because her kids hate him, so now, he’s closer to me and about two hours away from her. He keeps saying he’s going to break up with her for me. He told me he didn’t want me to date anyone else or sleep with anyone else, which I haven’t done. I’ve only been with him since we met a year-and-a-half ago.

He wants me to get an apartment, and then he will break up with her. I keep asking him to choose. He says he chooses me, but won’t break up with her until I get a place. She doesn’t want him talking to me. She goes through his phone, posts daily how perfect and happy they are, and talks to his mother (who knows he’s still sleeping with — and I guess dating — me). But she’s the only one who doesn’t know what he’s doing behind her back.

My question is, is he telling me the truth, or lying to get what he wants? Is he really going to ditch her for me, or am I really just wasting my energy and time on bull shit?!?

8 thoughts on ““My ex has a new girlfriend, but I’m still sleeping with him”

  1. Kristen says:

    At first I was thinking maybe the older woman was some way for him to deal with his grief, but the demand on you to get an apartment is a bit odd.

    If you want to give him a chance to analyse his motives, ask him why he’s still “with” her and why you have to get an apartment before he leaves her.

    If you want to test the idea that he’s lying to get what he wants, don’t have sex with him again until he leaves her. I don’t mean this in a “use sex to get what you want” way, but he should either be committed to her, or you, not somewhere in between and until he chooses properly you should both behave like you’re not together.

  2. Anonymous says:

    He’s lying to her about you, why wouldn’t he also be lying to you? And the whole “I’ll break up with her if you get an apartment” thing is really bizarre. Let this one go.

  3. Resullins says:

    He’s using women for support. He moved in with her immediately? You have to have an apartment before he’ll commit? Seriously?!?!?! You don’t see this? He’s a bum who can’t pay his bills and needs a place to stay. Here lying to you, he’s lying to her.

    You’re wasting your time on bullshit. Move on.

  4. breckeffect says:

    this is a bad situation and I honestly can’t believe you’ve stuck around this long. If you hadn’t said you were in your thirties, i would have guessed you were in your early twenties, based upon the situation you’ve described. This is a little tough love, but grow up and focus on your family and forget about this guy. He is using you and will only bring you more heartbreak.

  5. Anonymous says:

    He sounds like a freeloader. He lived with her but only moved out because her kids don’t like him. So he moved back with his mother? A guy in his thirties? And he will only break up with her if you get an apartment so he can freeload off of you? If he cares about you, he wouldn’t even been dating this woman. You can find someone better than you. You deserve better.

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