One of my best girl friends has started acting a bit suspicious when it comes to getting together with others. It’s starting to feel like she is tactfully excluding my boyfriend and I’m wondering who is in the wrong and how to address this situation.
Let me start off by saying, I love a girls night! I’m perfectly content ditching our boyfriends, fiances, and husbands for a night just us girls. This is not the issue. The problem is other times, when we are all going out (brunch at a restaurant, drinks at a bar, a get together at a mutual friend’s house) where there will be people of both genders, she makes it a point to exclude my boyfriend. I’m not sure how it affects her if my boyfriend is there or not. Let me give some examples:
Brunch with a group of friends, she told me “no boyfriends allowed” per one of the men attending’s request. I found this odd and decided not to go. Funny thing is, we actually ended up meeting the said man before the brunch and he asked why we weren’t joining them.
A bunch of our friends are all getting drinks at an outdoor bar this weekend, there is a Facebook event for it. She invited me and the other girls in our friend group but none of our boyfriends, even though they are friends with a lot of the people attending.
There have been many situations like these and it doesn’t seem to be just my boyfriend she excludes, 2 of my other girl friends have boyfriends as well and she excludes them the same.
My question is, if other guys are going to be at these events, why is it an issue if we bring our SOs? These are public places and they have every right to be there. I don’t really understand how our partner’s presence affects her, besides the fact that we aren’t available to make small talk with other men, who think we’re single.
Are we both in the wrong? Or just one of us? Is there something I should do to address this moving forward?
One thought on ““My best friend hates my boyfriend””
I think you are in the wrong for taking a boyfriend to a only girl’s night out or brunch, however, if you are moving on with your life, as are your girl friends, then feel free to just skip the girls night/ girls brunches in favor of more inclusive get togethers.
She might be lonely and feel like everyone has shacked up and want some quality time with just her besties and bringing in boyfriends will change the dynamic and type of conversations you will have. Maybe instead of being indignant, you should be kind and ask her if SHE is ok. Then start making plans yourself if you want the boys to come along. Why does she need to be the one to do all the work to get you guys together?
Think about it this way: she was there when the guys were not and might not be in the future. When one or more of you are dumped she’ll be there for you. Or maybe everyone has shacked up and you are now the odd woman out all alone.
As for guy who showed up, he might not have been invited and just assumed he was. Everyone may have been too polite to say shoo.
Also, don’t hole up with your boyfriend and not have your own friends, life and interests. That’s a good way to kill a relationship. Take it from someone who has been with the love of their life 18 years. The significant other is not there to be your all. That’s a fallacy that was written by the victorians and relationships take work.