“I hate my best friend”

We’ve been friends for 15 years. I helped her through so many bad periods. But recently (the past several years) she’s gotten so annoying. She’s always been a bit extreme in her opinions. Vegetarian, super against killing animals, pro freedom ect ect. But she developed it into far extremes. She went for example for a waste-free life. A good cause sure, but she got angry when we spend the night there and I brought locally grown, pesticide free peanuts (I though I’d please her with it) which so happen to be packages in a cheap plastic bag. She got so mad saying she did not want trash in her house.She offered to do the new years eve cooking one year and, after having hosted those for several years, I advised her certain dishes after which she got angry because she refused meat in her house. I offered my own silverware and pots and pans and my cooking skills so that she wouldn’t need to touch it but it was too late.

I know she’s been going though some bad times and I understand it, I really do, but I spent 15 years helping her solve problems and helping her through rough patches. Her life is nothing but rough patches. I am tired. I am done walking on eggshells in every conversation. We used to be so close but I feel like she doesn’t want to know me anymore.

I feel awefull because every time she does something nice I am hopeful that we can go back to being close friends, but every other conversation crushes that hope. And now I am hoping for a fight or something big to happen so that I can be done with this friendship once and for all.

I tried giving hints, I tried letting the friendship die out. I am terrified of confronting her with it because she has infamous rage when confronted with bad news.

I’ve had these bouts of guilt and disappointment that just eat away my energy and I am so tired of getting them. But I still enjoy some of the good times together, so I just can’t seem to let go. We also share a lot of friends, making it harder, though most friends are kind of ghosting out on her too, because of all the crap she’s been saddling us with.

How do I feel better again? How do I stop the guilt, the disappointment and the energy that I keep putting in this meaningless thought process?

 

One thought on ““I hate my best friend”

  1. Anonymous says:

    You are not responsible for her happiness or mental illness. You are responsible for you alone. Repeat that to yourself. Narcissists do this to their victims. I suggest you Google narcissism and learn that you are indeed a victim of it. Then tell her strait up, I’m sorry that your life has been hard, but I can no longer help you. Take no ownership of her issues then cut all means of communication. You need to do this for your own mental health. Its hard the first week or so because the narcissistic person isn’t done with you and will do what it takes to get you back. Don’t let them. She doesn’t care about you. You are a means to a end. Otherwise she wouldn’t be abusive. Real friends don’t have rage issues. If you feel she will hurt you or others call 911.

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