Basically, this may just be a case of “grow-some-balls”, but here goes…
I’ve been seeing someone now for ten months, (my longest relationship yet & the first since I was 21, I’m now 28) we don’t live together, we see each other three-to-four times a week, and I spend the majority of my weekends as if I were single; playing football, then going out with my mates, then seeing her Sunday night, then a couple of nights a week at my place, just watching tv etc etc…. Continue reading
My girlfriend and I have been happily in a relationship for 2.5 years. We understand each other and have many similar interests. We are truly each other’s best friend. She suffers from severe anxiety, and it has its strains on the relationship, but nothing we can’t work on together.
Her parents bought a duplex for us/me to rent to own. Honestly I’m happier here than I have been in a long time. But she won’t move in. She claims she doesn’t want to be a financial burden, but I make $80k/year so it’s not justifiable. She spends lots of time over, but she still lives with her parents, and she freaks out when I bring it up. I’m ready for our relationship to move forward into a partnership, but it’s obvious this scares her so much. It’s been five months now. How do I convince her that it’s time to move forward?
My girlfriend and I got into a dumb argument that I started a few days ago. It wasn’t a big argument, but it ended with me apologizing and telling her I love her, but she only responded with “okay.” Then, everything went downhill. I barely hear from her at all anymore, but when I do, it’s her telling me to leave her alone.
The next day, I took some ChickFilA to her work (I always do this), and she had a bad attitude toward me. I asked her if she’s mad, and she just tells me that she is really busy. I talked to her mom, and she said she’s been having female problems and to just show support. I try to show support, but I just keep getting “leave me alone.”
After several phone calls to my girlfriend, I finally got an answer. Continue reading
I need some help. I feel like my partner is getting lazier and lazier, and our life is getting more and more busy with commitments. I already work two jobs, and trying to keep up with cleaning, cooking every night, and caring for our 50 animals is just getting overwhelmed for me.
I think it’s hurting our relationship and my mental heat, but he never helps without being asked, then still whinges or forgets etc.
Would definitely appreciate any insights you might have on the following dilemma!
As a bit of background, I’m a man in my late twenties, well educated, confident, and an all round good guy. I never had a whole lot of success with women as a younger man, but now that I I’m all grown up, I’ve been rather successful in courting, dating, and romancing women.
I do however have a very specific and seemingly unorthodox problem.
Conventional wisdom might suggest that expressions of physical intimacy are an indicator of a burgeoning relationship. However, on many occasions the more physically intimate I become with a woman I’m dating (over the course of the first few dates), the more reticence/resistance I encounter on subsequent dates when intimating or initiate intimacy.
If I can distill some of the feedback I’ve received from women, I get the impression that the ladies in question might sense a predictable ending to dates, and/or feel that the date was just a perfunctory prequel to intimacy, and/ or seem to be wanting something “more” on dates (whether that is more face time, more fun, or more of a connection, I don’t know), and/or that I just want to “hook up.” Continue reading
I think I want to end my relationship of four-and-a-half years for a coworker who is nine years older than me. I don’t find any excitement in my current relationship, and I feel as if we just go through the motions. We are two different people now, he is a homebody and I wanna go out to the clubs and hang out.
We got together when we were 15, and I think a big part of why we’ve been together so long is to just be able to say we have been together for like ever and because we both have only had sex with each other. I am not saying I want to go a be a hoe, I just wanna have fun and be able to flirt with my coworker and maybe make out.
I’m a 20 year old female in a relationship. We’ve been together for two months, which seems like a short amount of time, but it feels like forever.
For the first month being together, I would be with him mainly the whole day. He recently got a second job, so we don’t see each other as much anymore. I know that he loves me and whenever we are together I feel it.
It’s something so special, but every time I’m not with him, I feel like it’s all a lie. I don’t know if it’s because I got used to seeing him every day, or if it because I’m so insecure. How do I shake the feeling off and not over-think things?
I’m in a stable three year relationship, but I’ve started having feelings for another man.
I feel really conflicted and confused, as my current relationship is stable, there aren’t any problems, we have lots in common, and I never thought that my feelings would change so dramatically.
I met this other guy at several events I do through work, and we have really hit it off and I feel this really strong chemistry with him, which is something I rarely encounter when I meet someone.
We’ve been emailing each other a bit about a project and have just been chatting. I feel so confused though. I have no good reason really to not want to be with my current bf, and yet I’ve met someone who I feel I have really connected with.
Nic says:
Been in a relationship for over 3 years. Thought everything was good. He had to go to jail for a couple months for a driving offense a year into the relationship. I supported him through this time, as he had always been supportive of me.
During the incarceration, he came clean about not always being faithful in the beginning, as he had a ex he had sex with a handful of times in the beginning of our relationship. While in jail, this ex had access to $10,000 of his in a joint account. Somehow she found out about me, got pissed, and stole his money. He blames me, although I was clueless. We didn’t live together before jail (he had his own place and is financially capable of doing so again), but now we do, jointly caring for one of my kids and one of his.
We talked about marriage and everything. He never accepts responsibility for his BS. Tonight he told me that I “fucked up his money.” And if I hadn’t posted something about him on Facebook while in jail (which he told me to post), that he would have his money and wouldn’t be “stuck living with me.”
Needless to say, that hurt. I’m not heartless enough to kick him and his son out, but I feel like I’m holding on to a one-sided relationship now. Like, why are you here if you feel that way, or why say things just to hurt me.
Ric says:
I didn’t lie about the other chick. I shouldn’t have to explain my finances when we weren’t serious at first.
I’ve written about this before — and taken some hate for it — but when we break up with someone, I believe the most compassionate way to do so is to be cold and uncompassionate. Because to be otherwise is really only satisfying our need to look like a “good” person.
Now, here’s an article that backs me up. The graphics in the accompanying video are a bit on the creepy side if you ask me, but it does make a very valid point:
Kindness has no role whatsoever to play at the charred end of relationships. Being sweet and understanding merely prolongs the torture for the other person.
As the video also points out, when we choose to be warm and understanding during a breakup, its in part due to a narcissistic desire to be loved even by someone we ourselves don’t love.
Point being? Just rip that band-aid off. A clean break is the best way to end a relationship.
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