Basically, this may just be a case of “grow-some-balls”, but here goes…
I’ve been seeing someone now for ten months, (my longest relationship yet & the first since I was 21, I’m now 28) we don’t live together, we see each other three-to-four times a week, and I spend the majority of my weekends as if I were single; playing football, then going out with my mates, then seeing her Sunday night, then a couple of nights a week at my place, just watching tv etc etc….
We went on holiday a couple of weeks ago, spent a whole ten days together, where I came to the realization that we’re totally different people, I wanted to make the most of all inclusive and drink most days (not excessively!), we’d spent A LOT of money on this & she ate lunch (just lunch) twice all of the ten days, and had maybe three or four alcoholic drinks, a few soft drinks here and there…nothing to warrant spending the amount of money we did on the all inclusive at all, which pissed me off. I was going for 3rds and 4ths at every meal, sometimes on my own, leaving her sunbathing. Because of this, we ended up eating out most nights and mornings, resulting in us spending more, she wasn’t too keen on the sun, or the beach, or water parks, or day trips…we argued over petty things, and in general I thought we didn’t get on as well as a couple in their first year of being together on their first holiday should.
When we returned, I told her we needed to talk, she came over, started crying, I told her basically what I’ve said here, she said it’s normal (she had no answer to the bit about us not wanting to do the same activities) & that we should carry on, so I said we’ll see how things go, but, now she’s constantly telling me how much she loves me. I want to end it, but the girl has nothing else really, a small shit group of friends that rarely invite her out & a mum & dad that treat her like a tenant in their house instead of a daughter. This isn’t to boost my ego but it was only two months ago she told me she’d told her aunties that I was “the one”, and she’s so reliant on me & I feel I’m all she really has. I know the longer it goes on, the worse it will get, but, maybe the grass isn’t greener on the other side. Any advise on this would be appreciated!
3 thoughts on ““This has been my longest relationship. Should I try to salvage it?””
It’s human nature to not want to give up on something we’ve invested heavily in as it makes us feel like we’ve failed or that we are ‘wrong’. In the stock market you see this often as the emotional investor will go down with the ship while their favorite stock is crashing.
Write down the pros and cons of staying- make sure it’s exhaustive. After a thorough review ask yourself what life will be like in 10 years?
The longer you wait to break up the harder it will be on the both of you. Move on so you both can find the person you need.
Also next time talk more before you pay for a big holiday. Seems like that communication would have solved a lot.
If she is also 28 her parents just want her to be a viable adult and therefore she SHOULD be paying them rent and doing chores, because that’s what adults DO. Also her small group of friends who don’t invite her out is not your problem, but hers. We don’t know if they are parents who can’t just up and get a baby sitter to go out and party, if they are all introverts so they don’t like to party or what the issue is. That’s for her to solve.
You know what? I wouldn’t want to be with a man who called my friends “shit,” and only was with me for sex and sympathy.