Would definitely appreciate any insights you might have on the following dilemma!
As a bit of background, I’m a man in my late twenties, well educated, confident, and an all round good guy. I never had a whole lot of success with women as a younger man, but now that I I’m all grown up, I’ve been rather successful in courting, dating, and romancing women.
I do however have a very specific and seemingly unorthodox problem.
Conventional wisdom might suggest that expressions of physical intimacy are an indicator of a burgeoning relationship. However, on many occasions the more physically intimate I become with a woman I’m dating (over the course of the first few dates), the more reticence/resistance I encounter on subsequent dates when intimating or initiate intimacy.
If I can distill some of the feedback I’ve received from women, I get the impression that the ladies in question might sense a predictable ending to dates, and/or feel that the date was just a perfunctory prequel to intimacy, and/ or seem to be wanting something “more” on dates (whether that is more face time, more fun, or more of a connection, I don’t know), and/or that I just want to “hook up.”
Given that I am in fact looking for something serious, I’m sure you can see how it might worry me that I give off this impression.
As a bit of context, I usually go for cocktails on the first date and just talk for a few hours. Second date is usually a long dinner followed by a dessert or a good stroll around town (2-3 hours). #3 would be to go to a novel event (a comedy club, art gallery, show, etc., 4-5 hours). Intimacy (not sex) usually occurs on the first or second date and continues thereafter.
Considering the above, I am hoping you can offer some suggestions, and perhaps let me know if I am on the right track with the following thoughts.
- Is the problem simply that the dates we are on are too short in time and are seen only as a prequel? Therefore prolong the dates. Potentially go to multiple venues?
- For later dates (i.e. after the initiation of intimacy), should I plan something more romantic/elaborate? As opposed to dinner or drinks in order to try and change the tenor of the relationship?
- Should I throw in a date where we don’t hookup every once in a while? In other words, does every date have to end with some kind of intimacy in order to stoke a flowering romance
- Should the focus of conversation change from getting to know them in a general sense to a more in depth and personal connection?
I would greatly appreciate any advice!
Thanks in advanced for your time.