“I need to be with her or get over her”

I met this girl in 2011 and immediately was hooked. She was always very reserved and I didn’t know much about her. It intrigued me. After about a year of chasing her and being led on, I had enough and tried to move on.

I started dating my current girlfriend of 4 years to get over her. She turned out to be a Godsend and is beautiful, funny and ambitious. I couldn’t be luckier. But of course I never stopped talking to the first girl and she confirmed she had feelings for me. I tried many times and stopped talking to her completely for over a year, but there is always something pulling me back in. Continue reading

“Why do I feel guilty for being happy after she divorced me?”

I’m a 45-year-old male, retired military, and professional. I was married to a women for 16 years, and after numerous deployments and significant separation, she texted another man. Not sure what else happened. In return, I cheated on her. We both made some bad decisions.

I confessed mine to her — and my unhappiness with her behaviors — and in return, she filed for divorce and aired out dirty laundry all over Facebook and to our small community. I started thinking about why, and I realized that I had become a paycheck to her and not a companion.

She has no respect for me — and I none for her. We have no interests together, and she put forth no effort in making a home for us, except to keep up with the other wives in appearance. I would come home to no supper, an untidy house, and piles of dirty laundry, even though we had made an agreement that I would work outside the home, and she would work inside the home and raise our kids. Continue reading

“I can’t stop feeling guilty for breaking up with him”

I was with my ex-boyfriend for 5 years (from 18 to 23). I met him while studying abroad, far from home. It was a good, happy relationship for the first 3 years. We lived together, we planned our life together, I was convinced we were going to marry and all that good stuff.

Things became difficult because he was a heavy weed smoker. Because of that, so was I eventually, but I didn’t blame him for that. Life was really not rosy … we had no money, he had no stable job, he kept changing them and quitting and stuff (I had 3 and that kept us going). We were both pursuing careers in creative fields, but neither of us had much luck with that. I really disliked the country we were living at (his home country) and was always from the very beginning very vocal about it. His answer always was — yes, I agree, we should move, I want to leave, too.

This went on for two years, but nothing changed. Eventually, in desperation I stopped waiting for him, found a university I wanted to apply to in Germany, started learning the language, and informed him of what I was doing. He didn’t try to stop me, but wasn’t too encouraging either, just a “yeah do what you want” kinda attitude.

But I still loved him with all my heart even then, and also felt loved by him — never was neglected or abused. There was just this crushing apathy about him that hurt me the most. In a year’s time, I found out I was accepted and realised I was going to have to move. I was delighted. I burst into tears, realising I could actually escape the life that was leading nowhere, working shitty miserable jobs just to survive.

His reaction, however, was unexpected: He was terrified and panicked. How can he move to a different country, he doesn’t know the language! What will he do there? I will study, but what will he do? And to top it all off, he told me I couldn’t just drop this on him so suddenly! I’d been telling him I wanted to move for 3 years, and that I applied to universities a year in advance. THAT hurt. And stuff did go sour then. We both became very hurt and scared for what was gonna happen to our relationship. However, we both loved each other, had a connection, and wanted to make it work.

So we tried. I moved on my own, with no help from him. I found an apartment, bought furniture, sorted out all the bills and legal matters. It wasn’t easy to be on my own after 5 years of having back up. And to top it all off, he called me to say he was diagnosed with severe clinical depression, and me leaving made it even worse. Continue reading

“I’m ready to leave him, but can’t get past the guilt”

I want to leave my boyfriend of five years, with whom I have two kids. I have known the relationship has been over for two years now, but have stayed despite my many attempts to leave, because it’s … just easier. It’s easier to stay where I know how things are than to venture into the unknown. It’s easier to just deal than to break someone’s heart. It’s easier than dealing with all of the stress that comes with being alone.

Given it’s a unique situation for me, as I don’t have a car and have been relying on my boyfriend to get me around. I have been put in a very dependent situation with him, and I feel that is why it is the way it is.

The past year I have gotten an amazing job. I make great money, and I can afford to take care of myself and my children and then some. I’ll be buying a car this next week, and I’ll be independent once again. But I’m sort of holding out on telling him what is going on in my mind. I don’t know why he has been holding on. I’m sure he is as dependent on me as I am on him, in a financial way though. Continue reading