“Why do I feel guilty for being happy after she divorced me?”

I’m a 45-year-old male, retired military, and professional. I was married to a women for 16 years, and after numerous deployments and significant separation, she texted another man. Not sure what else happened. In return, I cheated on her. We both made some bad decisions.

I confessed mine to her — and my unhappiness with her behaviors — and in return, she filed for divorce and aired out dirty laundry all over Facebook and to our small community. I started thinking about why, and I realized that I had become a paycheck to her and not a companion.

She has no respect for me — and I none for her. We have no interests together, and she put forth no effort in making a home for us, except to keep up with the other wives in appearance. I would come home to no supper, an untidy house, and piles of dirty laundry, even though we had made an agreement that I would work outside the home, and she would work inside the home and raise our kids.

Somehow, I turned a blind eye and immersed myself into work and let it go. All the while, it was getting worse. Year after year, she never wanted for anything, and if she did, I would try to get it for her. She became jealous of her kids, jealous of me working outside the home, and this resulted in her claiming to have depression, which her physician quickly medicated her for.

Now, she has lupus, depression, seizures, and fibromyalgia, according to her, which makes me believe she is a hypochondriac in need of attention. Anyhow, she divorced me after airing our dirty laundry to anyone that would listen. Now, it’s been a year, and I’m dating a successful, kind, loving woman who has no children, but loves mine and demonstrates she genuinely enjoys spending time with me.

Now, the ex-wife — who claims to have a brain tumor — her boyfriend broke up with her, and she is now asking me if there is a possibility we will ever get back together, and “will our daughters always say they’re from a broken home.”

I know she is trying to use guilt, which she always has. Yes, we tried counseling, but I think she is vain, fake, lies, materialistic, and manipulative.. I worry about having to share my daughters with her, since we have 50/50 custody and live two miles apart. She doesn’t work outside the home, and I pay her enough that she doesn’t have to for the next 20 years.

I don’t think I can forget the awful things she has said. My plan up to now is to raise my daughters, get them in college, then sell out and move away from the craziness. But I won’t until my daughters are educated, strong, and independent women.

Should I even consider a reconciliation? Your respectful comments are appreciated. Why do I feel guilty for being happy?

One thought on ““Why do I feel guilty for being happy after she divorced me?”

  1. Anonymous says:

    Maybe because you cheated on her to start this train rolling instead of going to counseling then? Either way it doesn’t matter now. Your marriage is over and I can’t foresee you two getting back together, ever. If you still feel guilty, perhaps start seeing a professional counselor to talk out your feelings.

    I think it’s the best thing for your girls that you do not get back together. What will they learn from you two hating and bickering at each other in the long run? How not to have a loving, adult relationship? I came from parents who went through a nasty divorce. Kids know more than you ever think. Just keep showing them what happens in a good relationship and don’t bad mouth your ex in front of them.

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