“I need to be with her or get over her”

I met this girl in 2011 and immediately was hooked. She was always very reserved and I didn’t know much about her. It intrigued me. After about a year of chasing her and being led on, I had enough and tried to move on.

I started dating my current girlfriend of 4 years to get over her. She turned out to be a Godsend and is beautiful, funny and ambitious. I couldn’t be luckier. But of course I never stopped talking to the first girl and she confirmed she had feelings for me. I tried many times and stopped talking to her completely for over a year, but there is always something pulling me back in. As years went by we got closer and I learned that she is profoundly in love with her ex which she hates at the same time. She is broken. I thought she was over him but just past New Year’s, she drunkenly admits to me that she is madly in love, still. It was her first love. I know I’m just her friend but it hurt so much. What hurts more is that I am with this amazing woman and I am just wasting her time. I could see myself marrying her but I’m still in love with someone else. I don’t want to live a life of regret.

We just recently relocated for work. I love what I have with her and all we’ve achieved. Knowing I’m 6 hours away from the other girl kills me though. I feel guilty for loving someone else and I want to pursue my own happiness but the time couldn’t be worse. She just lost her Grandma last month and we live in a state we don’t know anyone in. I can’t leave her alone. I also can’t live with this feeling. I feel like I’m drowning and I have no one to vent with. I keep finding it progressively more difficult to say I love you back. I don’t know what to do. I need to be with her or get over her.

2 thoughts on ““I need to be with her or get over her”

  1. Anonymous says:

    It’s actually a mercy to leave her, even at this time. There is no good time for a break up, but the sooner you do the sooner she can find a man who does return her feelings, because right now you are wasting her time. We have a finite amount of time on this earth and you sticking around to “protect her” while “you feel guilty” isn’t helping.

    Also, go to counseling to see why you need a woman who is unavailable. You need to move on from that and even know it’s a issue that you are romanticizing her in your head. That’s good! Knowing there is a problem is step one. Step two is changing yourself and habits which will require professional help for your obsession.

    I wish you the best of luck in your journey.

  2. Stella says:

    I understand what a difficult situation you are in. There is this quote “We treated each other as if we’d always have tomorrow to apologize.” people are sent into our lives for specific seasons we need them, you love both girls but the time for you to love your current girlfriend has come to an end. It will be very hard to tell her the truth, but you own it to her in the least. I know she’s going through a tough time, but she needs to respect your life as well, we can’t always run to other people when we are in need, and if she wants to be mean about it then she still has a lot of personal growth left to do. Until you don’t get final closure with the girl whom your soul graves, you will never be able to fully love anyone else. From my personal point of view, I honestly think you have to get together with her and just tell her exactly how you feel. We will always have that one person who will have a part of our hearts that we will never be able to or want to give to anyone else, and that’s okay. You need to get everything off of your shoulders, so that you can be healthy and focus on healing. Based on her reaction and response you both have to respect each other. There’s nothing wrong with you for not being able to be with other girls. You need to get final closure from her, and if it turns out she doesn’t return your feelings, then you need to allow yourself to mourn. One of my favourite quotes is as follows “There is a grace in denial. It is nature’s way of letting in only as much as we can handle.” she will always be the girl you compare others with, and that is such a delicate and beautiful thing. Let your soul do its thing. But you really need to talk to her, or you will regret it for the rest of your life

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