I met this girl in 2011 and immediately was hooked. She was always very reserved and I didn’t know much about her. It intrigued me. After about a year of chasing her and being led on, I had enough and tried to move on.
I started dating my current girlfriend of 4 years to get over her. She turned out to be a Godsend and is beautiful, funny and ambitious. I couldn’t be luckier. But of course I never stopped talking to the first girl and she confirmed she had feelings for me. I tried many times and stopped talking to her completely for over a year, but there is always something pulling me back in. As years went by we got closer and I learned that she is profoundly in love with her ex which she hates at the same time. She is broken. I thought she was over him but just past New Year’s, she drunkenly admits to me that she is madly in love, still. It was her first love. I know I’m just her friend but it hurt so much. What hurts more is that I am with this amazing woman and I am just wasting her time. I could see myself marrying her but I’m still in love with someone else. I don’t want to live a life of regret.
We just recently relocated for work. I love what I have with her and all we’ve achieved. Knowing I’m 6 hours away from the other girl kills me though. I feel guilty for loving someone else and I want to pursue my own happiness but the time couldn’t be worse. She just lost her Grandma last month and we live in a state we don’t know anyone in. I can’t leave her alone. I also can’t live with this feeling. I feel like I’m drowning and I have no one to vent with. I keep finding it progressively more difficult to say I love you back. I don’t know what to do. I need to be with her or get over her.