“I feel guilty for finding other guys attractive”

My boyfriend and I have been together for 2.5 years and we’ve been living together for 2 years, so most of our relationship. We have always gotten along really well and never had any problems. He is amazing and I love him with all my heart, but lately I just feel like things have changed.

I am 19 and he is 21. He has been working since he graduated high school, no college, and has a good job where he is successful and makes good money. He works a lot of long hours and lately I feel like I never see him anymore. I talk to him about it and he says he’s doing it for us and making money for us so we can have nice things and I get all of that but I want to spend time with him too or none of that means anything.

We haven’t had sex in over a month and I just don’t feel attracted to him in that way anymore. I am in college and I feel like he doesn’t take it seriously because he’s been successful without having a degree. Since I started college I feel like I’ve changed and grown so much as a person. I’m so passionate about so many things and I just have all these hopes and dreams and it’s like he doesn’t have any. I just feel like we’re so far apart and every time I try to talk to him about things I love he seems to not be listening. And he never wants to talk to me and tell me anything unless it’s work related. I’ve always been the type to look but not touch and now I see guys my age I’m friends with and I find them attractive, and think about what if I was with them instead? I feel so guilty and I don’t know what to do.

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One thought on ““I feel guilty for finding other guys attractive”

  1. Anonymous says:

    I think you are both at different points in your life and you are heading down different paths. It’s hard to be the “bad guy,” and break up, but you obviously need to experience life and can’t do it tied down already. I wouldn’t date for a bit after you broke up so you can learn more about yourself, but do date around and learn that way as well. Also, know that there is no good time to break up, so don’t let anything hold you back in that regard. There will always be a holiday, birthday, death in the family, sickness going on. The sooner you get it over with, then the sooner you can both heal and move on with your life.

    One more thing. He’s done nothing wrong so don’t try to pin any blame on him. Working long hours and not having sex for a month are red flags, but not if he’s actually working long hours and is exhausted. If it’s all you then own that and move on.

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