“Our 20-year age gap is starting to affect our marriage”

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This is incredibly difficult, because I have never articulated my situation in words to anyone before this. Here we go.

I am a married woman, 28 years old, and the mother of a beautiful toddler. My husband of 4 years is 20 years my senior. I feel this age gap, once a charming quirk of our relationship, is now a source of unhappiness. Notably, our unfulfilling sex life. I am a young, energetic, sensuous woman. Sex is very important to me spiritually, emotionally, and certainly physically. Tensions do build up! My husband is less interested, not just in intercourse but all the trappings of a passionate relationship. I estimate we “do it” about 6 times a year. All my attempts to arouse him are met with outright rejection or apathy. My self esteem suffers. When we do manage, the sex is uninspired and entirely one sided.

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“I’m dating a really clingy guy”

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Hi! I’m 17 years old, and I recently have gotten into a relationship with this really great guy, but he is really clingy/needy, meaning he always asks me to “love him” by telling him why I like him or why I’m dating him. He always brings it up. I mostly text him because I can’t really see him in the day besides at school. He said he loved me and when I didn’t immediately say it back, he panicked, so I quickly said it back.

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“I’m married, but have a crush on a friend”

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Hi there!

I feel a little silly asking about this, and there is even a part of me that wonders if phrasing it makes it more real than I’d like it to be.

I’m very happily married, and have been for four years. We get along really well, I find my partner really beautiful and attractive, and I think they are basically the most precious person in my life, and possibly the most precious aspect of my life.

I have a friend who I’ve had a crush on for years. The crush started when the friend and I first met, when my partner and I were just dating, about eight years ago. I was in a relationship, but I really got on with this other person, and we share friends in common, so we just became friends, and it was lovely, although the crush really did persist while I quietly ignored it. About two years before I got married, there was a rocky time in my relationship when it seemed like we might split up and I was spending more time (particularly one-on-one) with this individual and probably being more explicitly flirtatious than I normally would be. My friend was kind of noncommittally dating someone else, and around the time that it became clear that I was trying to make it work with my partner, my friend started dating the person they were seeing more intensely and they now have been together for years.

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“Did I cheat on my boyfriend?”

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Well, basically, me and my boyfriend have been together for nearly two years, and for the last few months he hasn’t been giving me what I need physically (even just like hugs and stuff, and of course, sex). It’s just because he isn’t a very physical person, and he used to be just for my sake (which he didn’t tell me until recently) and he wanted those things too at the time. I am very much deeply in love with him, but recently we’ve been going through a hard time as he doesn’t think the “spark” is there, and often he’ll joke about us splitting up.

Anyway, last night I stayed in a different part of the country for work and after work me and some colleges went out for a few drinks and cocktails. We all got drunk, and I was staying at my friends for easiness, and to save on a hotel. When we got into bed, he started kissing my face and hair, and things somehow escalated (he asked me if it was what I wanted, and I replied that I think so, but we were drunk, so I didn’t mean it at all) then he started kissing my mouth and fingering me, and because I was drunk, I just let him, but when he tried to put his penis in me, I refused. Also I refused him this morning when he tried to put his penis in me again. I felt a bit violated since he kept trying after I’d said no, and when he said it would be our secret, I told him that we couldn’t do it and pushed him away.

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“I practically begged him to stay with me”

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So, me and my ex were together for about a year. He was starting to get concerned about some issues we had, and pretty much put us on a break. I practically begged him to stay with me, told him I was willing to do whatever it took to make things work, but still continued to get “I have to think about it.”

After being told that so many times, I felt like he didn’t want to be with me, and eventually came to conclusion that nothing I could say or do would help, and chose to break up with him. We didn’t speak to each other until 5 days later and have pretty much been decent since then.

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“I’m pretty sure my boyfriend is gay”

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For a while now, I think I’ve kinda known my boyfriend is gay. He hasn’t opened up about it or “came out” but, I’ve always known. The way he acts, the way he walks, even the way he talks just screams GAY.

I’ve tried to tell him I’ll be fine and ready to accept the fact but he keeps denying the fact. Most of his friends watch me like I’m crazy for being with him. And when he kisses me, which he rarely does, I feel like I’m kissing myself, I feel like I’m kissing a girl.

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“We’ve never met in person, but I feel so connected to him”

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Someone just give me some advice. I’ve been talking to a guy I met online for a couple months, and although we’ve not met in person, we’ve grown pretty close, messaging everyday and so on. We planned to meet at the end of this month, but now I am having huge regrets; I live in Newcastle and he lives in Wales and even when I go to university in September, we’re still a good 3 hours from each other.

On top of this, there’s even a possibility that I’m going to study in Greece! I’ve told him about this of course, but he still wants us to meet. Now I’m really not sure because I’ve read so much about a) how foolish it is to start university in a relationship with somebody who lives elsewhere, and b) how crushing long distance can be.

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“I really like him, but don’t see a future with him”

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I’ve been dating my boyfriend for almost a year now, and up until April, everything was great. He made me feel so happy and relaxed — he’s a super great guy! But, in April, he left to go back home a few states away, and stayed there for about 2 1/2 months.

We texted sometimes, but never had full conversations. I only missed him occasionally. When he initially told me he’d be gone for so long, I was a wreck, but when the time came, I was totally fine. Now that he’s back, he’s living with me and my friends until he finds a new place with his friends.

Things haven’t really been the same. I can’t stop questioning if I want to keep dating him or not. I do like him a lot for sure, he’s always respected my boundaries and opinions, and even though I’m asexual (and he’s got a high sex drive) he’s never forced me into feeling like I need to do things with him. When he does make little advances, I don’t feel uncomfortable, but I don’t exactly want to do it nor do I find it necessary in a relationship.

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“I want to be friends, but he’s lost interest in me”

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Hi, I need your advice on how to move on. Well, in March at work, a guy approached me and we became friends. He was very sweet to me and we often texted each other. I realised the chemistry between us was not bad. I saw him as a friend, nonetheless. He started becoming clingy and I felt quite uncomfortable because at that point, we barely knew each other.

Slowly, as days go by, he kept coming to my seat and was very touchy and came too close to me (I cringed). I felt pressured and wanted him to give me the space I needed. Sometimes we talked about our past experiences and I counseled him a little. I remember telling him why I was very wary of guys (I have yet to heal fully from the pain someone caused me).

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Online Dating Tip: Show, Don’t Tell

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I think we’ve all heard this advice in some form, but now here’s science to back it up.

In a study on online dating, researchers created sample dating profiles and adjusted two different types of information:

  1. The first type, they called “selective self-presentation.” This referred to the number of positive self statements made in the dating profile. For example, “I have an amazing network of friends,” or “I have a high-level job with multiple responsibilities,” are statements that make the dater look good — bragging, basically.
  2. The second type they called “warranting.” This referred to the presence of corroborating sites in the dating profile. For example, if the profile had a link to a personal biography page, or a blog the person regularly contributes to — showing, basically.

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