“I want to be friends, but he’s lost interest in me”

Hi, I need your advice on how to move on. Well, in March at work, a guy approached me and we became friends. He was very sweet to me and we often texted each other. I realised the chemistry between us was not bad. I saw him as a friend, nonetheless. He started becoming clingy and I felt quite uncomfortable because at that point, we barely knew each other.

Slowly, as days go by, he kept coming to my seat and was very touchy and came too close to me (I cringed). I felt pressured and wanted him to give me the space I needed. Sometimes we talked about our past experiences and I counseled him a little. I remember telling him why I was very wary of guys (I have yet to heal fully from the pain someone caused me).

Slowly, we got used to talking all the time. He was so sweet. I felt that he was serious about me. I felt very horrible for treating him coldly, although I felt that it was necessary. Then day by day, we started getting closer, not physically though, just that we talked more. Then came a point when I was very annoyed by how he suddenly stopped talking to me and at times he didn’t even reply to my texts. Sorry if I sound possessive, but I felt that he knew he has gotten my heart and stopped trying. So I told him I might have to distance myself from him because I really couldn’t take it that he just changed so quickly.

This was sometime back already but the very same problem continued to disturb me. I talked to him about it. I remember telling him we needed to start off as friends, because that is the foundation to every relationship. He said that he still had feelings for me even after I rejected him. When I felt happy, he was acting that way not because he wanted to be my friend but he wanted to earn my heart. After he lost interest, he just dropped me entirely. The friends-mode for him is very different from that of mine, I am more enthusiastic when it comes to my closer friends and I regarded him as one of them. He said he was sorry and he should have told me that he is usually not very enthusiastic but more reserved when it comes to friendships and he admitted that he approached me with the intention to get into a relationship with me. I just don’t know what to do to move on from this.

Right now, he found a girl whom he likes a lot, and he said he is going to try it out. I told him I was happy for him because all along when I felt he was clingy, I told him there are girls out there for him to meet and know, and he shouldn’t rush into things. I know I have told him we won’t end up together because even for things he didn’t do ‘wrong’ (it was just his personality), I couldn’t stand it at times. Right now… It is just me thinking I have lost a friend who treated me well because he wanted to be more than friends. Now that we can’t be that way, that passion in the ‘friendship’ I once thought was there is no longer there. I feel so lost…

One thought on ““I want to be friends, but he’s lost interest in me”

  1. Dennis Hong says:

    I’m going to be blunt: You sound like an incredibly selfish person.

    If you want to be friends — and only friends — with this guy, then you can’t expect him to be at your beck and call 24/7, especially when he’s found a new romance.

    If you consider yourself a decent person, let him pursue this relationship. And don’t give him advice on how to approach it, because the advice you’ve given him so far seems like it’s only intended to work in your best interest, not his.

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