This is incredibly difficult, because I have never articulated my situation in words to anyone before this. Here we go.
I am a married woman, 28 years old, and the mother of a beautiful toddler. My husband of 4 years is 20 years my senior. I feel this age gap, once a charming quirk of our relationship, is now a source of unhappiness. Notably, our unfulfilling sex life. I am a young, energetic, sensuous woman. Sex is very important to me spiritually, emotionally, and certainly physically. Tensions do build up! My husband is less interested, not just in intercourse but all the trappings of a passionate relationship. I estimate we “do it” about 6 times a year. All my attempts to arouse him are met with outright rejection or apathy. My self esteem suffers. When we do manage, the sex is uninspired and entirely one sided.
Before our child, we had an exhilarating attraction to each other. The moment I showed him a positive pregnancy test it came to a halt. I have come to believe it is the image of “mother” that turns him off. This infuriates me and I have come to resent his touch and his presence in our bed. I find my eyes wandering and my heart yearning for someone else who can revive these lost parts of myself. My question to you, dear readers, is do I follow these desires or stay in a desolate marriage bed?
We have tried counseling, our last session he said that he and I obviously have different ideas of what love is. I should add, if only to assuage my guilt, that he is a devoted and loving father, and otherwise is a very considerate and industrious life partner. If only I could teach my heart to be content with that!