Category: Advice Needed

“We’re getting fed up with her anxiety”

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A friend of mine at school has extreme anxiety issues, a crappy home life, and extreme depression. I just met her at the beginning of school last semester, and she is kind of like a little sister to me, but she has been quite an inconvenience lately.

Several times in the last few months, I have had to drop what I was doing and go to her to make sure she is okay. In addition to that, really weird things set her off — things that we can’t just tell people not to say. The rest of our friends are also getting fed up with it. Also, it is getting to the point where it feels like she’s taking advantage of us.

We have all tried to get her to see a counselor (we are all in college, and they offer free counseling services if you need it). Every time that we bring it up, though, she just says back to us, “You guys are all targeting me,” and then gets upset, cries, and does other stuff to try to make us feel guilty, and then storms out. Continue reading →

“Her constant small attacks are destroying me”

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I have been in a relationship for eight months with my girlfriend. I have not felt the same since we got back from summer vacation. It started like most relationships, and we had our “honeymoon” phase. But that only lasted halfway through the summer. When we got back to school, things suddenly changed.

I have begun to notice the things she does wrong. Suddenly we can not go a week without arguing at least once. I can admit that 50% is me being an instigator, and no argument needs to happen. But the other 50% really upsets me, especially when she tells me that it’s nothing to be upset about.

For example: she will constantly find something wrong with me. I mess up speaking, she points it out. I mess up helping her with homework, she says, “I thought you said you were good at math.” Continue reading →

“I’m ready to leave him, but can’t get past the guilt”

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I want to leave my boyfriend of five years, with whom I have two kids. I have known the relationship has been over for two years now, but have stayed despite my many attempts to leave, because it’s … just easier. It’s easier to stay where I know how things are than to venture into the unknown. It’s easier to just deal than to break someone’s heart. It’s easier than dealing with all of the stress that comes with being alone.

Given it’s a unique situation for me, as I don’t have a car and have been relying on my boyfriend to get me around. I have been put in a very dependent situation with him, and I feel that is why it is the way it is.

The past year I have gotten an amazing job. I make great money, and I can afford to take care of myself and my children and then some. I’ll be buying a car this next week, and I’ll be independent once again. But I’m sort of holding out on telling him what is going on in my mind. I don’t know why he has been holding on. I’m sure he is as dependent on me as I am on him, in a financial way though. Continue reading →

“My wife’s friends are tearing apart our marriage”

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My wife has a best friend who gave her advice during a difficult time in our marriage. I did all I could to patch things up and become the man my wife wants me to be, but she continued to listen to the friend. She dogged me out, asking why I was calling her on Thanksgiving while deployed.

Upon returning, I had a suspicion that something was going on, so I took her phone and found text messages between my wife and her friend, dogging me out. I came home one day and found prepaid cards lying around, and she said she was throwing them away from work, but I later found a phone card in a drawer.

Later, I caught my wife lying three times about having a prepaid phone which I had discovered. I told her to cut off the relationship with the friend, because it’s destroying our marriage and because she consistency lies to me. I am honest, open, and trying to love my wife through arguments and disagreements we have. I see my mistakes of the past (no infidelity) and try to work out things. Continue reading →

“He says sexual/perverted things to me”

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I met someone at work a few months back. He works in a different department, but often comes around to chat with people. He’s been talking to me a lot, trying to get to know me, and I’ve noticed he seems different to me than to other girls. He talks about personal things sometimes, and lately has been saying some sexual/perverted things. Also, whenever he sees me or talks to me, he brushes his hand against my arm or nudges me.

There are times, however, when he ignores me — when he’s with other people (male or female), sometimes he pretends I’m not there and pretends he isn’t looking at me. I haven’t known him for that long, but it really confuses me, because it would seem as though he likes me, or at least wants to have sex with me. But then there are moments when he acts like he has a problem with me.

He teases often in a friendly way, but sometimes he is just mean, and I really don’t know what to think about it. Somebody said it might just be that he wants to have sex, but doesn’t want to tell me, as it might be inappropriate. I’m not sure what to believe.

“My mom is having a hard time with me being away at college”

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I am a freshman in college right now. My college is about an hour-and-a-half away from home. I had to work really hard to convince my parents to let me go to that college. I come home every other week. My mom really wants me to transfer to a college that is closer to home. I don’t really want to but, everyone keeps telling me that my mom is having a really hard time adjusting to me being out of the house. I really want to stay at the school that I am at but, I don’t know what to do.

“He says we’re too attached”

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I started talking to this guy about two years ago. We work in the same field, so that is how we met. We started with just chatting, and then after about 3 or 4 months, he disappeared. I thought he did not want to move further, so I let it go.

Then we met again at an event, and we started to chat again. After 3 or 4 months, he told me that he liked me, but he couldn’t have a serious relationship. He was just not ready. So we agreed on having a no-strings-attached relationship. At first, it was not much different than before we agreed to do this no-strings-attached thingy. We met up only once in three months. We chatted mostly.

But as time went by, we started to become more and more close. We chatted more frequently, we had countless meals together, we spent nights at each other’s places — sometimes several nights in a row. We also had sex. Continue reading →

“Why do I have so much anxiety about my relationship?

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I’ve been dating this guy for a year-and-a-half, and I’m scared of us running out of things to talk about, and of him falling out of love with me. Also, I’m scared of us not lasting, and honestly, our relationship gives me anxiety. It’s been like this since the beginning of our relationship.

I know there probably isn’t a clear-cut answer given only this description, but I was wondering if you could tell me what’s wrong with me. I mean everything about our relationship is great. We haven’t even argued yet. I don’t know why I have so much doubt in us, so I was wondering why do I feel like this?

“Does my boyfriend watch too much porn?”

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Is it normal that my boyfriend watches porn, usually in the morning in the shower while I’m asleep? We have been together for a little under a year. Just recently I have found out that he watches it, even after he and I have had sex before sleeping — sometimes three times a day. I tried to talk to him about it, and he says it’s nothing or just doesn’t want to talk about it. He says it’s normal.

I understand that watching porn and masturbating are normal and should not affect the relationship. But with him, it’s constant. I feel like I’m not enough, not pretty enough to meet whatever needs he has in watching porn. In my last relationship, my ex-boyfriend was not like this, so I know not all men are this way. I also catch him looking at other women when we go out. Any bit of advice would help. Thank you.

“I’m tired of being called out for my family’s amusement”

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I’m a guy in my mid-thirties. During family get-togethers, my step-sister’s husband (who also happens to be my father’s drug dealer) makes a point of ridiculing me in front of as many people as possible. He brings up embarrassing past events and generally does his best to humiliate and disgrace me.

If I ignore him, he gets increasingly more personal and aggressive. If I try to defend myself, my father immediately interrupts me with a litany of nonsense words or big fake belittling laughter before I can get a word out. Any time I’ve tried to talk to my dad about it, I’m “being to sensitive,” “imagining things,” or “can’t take a joke.”

I’m tired of being called out and then immediately shut down for others’ amusement.