I want to leave my boyfriend of five years, with whom I have two kids. I have known the relationship has been over for two years now, but have stayed despite my many attempts to leave, because it’s … just easier. It’s easier to stay where I know how things are than to venture into the unknown. It’s easier to just deal than to break someone’s heart. It’s easier than dealing with all of the stress that comes with being alone.
Given it’s a unique situation for me, as I don’t have a car and have been relying on my boyfriend to get me around. I have been put in a very dependent situation with him, and I feel that is why it is the way it is.
The past year I have gotten an amazing job. I make great money, and I can afford to take care of myself and my children and then some. I’ll be buying a car this next week, and I’ll be independent once again. But I’m sort of holding out on telling him what is going on in my mind. I don’t know why he has been holding on. I’m sure he is as dependent on me as I am on him, in a financial way though.
I don’t want to make this long, so I won’t go into fine detail, but we aren’t compatible. We met when we were young and stayed because we had a child together. We have since grown, and our views on life and what we want out of it have changed, gone separate ways in fact. He can’t seem to hold a job and doesn’t have much ambition in having a successful career. I am currently going through nursing school, then will be onto medical school.
He has a few friends and does not go out. All he wants/likes to do is sit at home. I love being social and being around friends. I am undeniably as unattracted to him as you can be to someone. I have no desire to be physically intimate with him. I cringe at the thought. I just honestly feel as though he has sucked the life out of me. He is a leech. When he is around, we can’t even talk without fighting. Now that I am about to be completely independent, I see a whole new world for myself, without him. It’s getting harder and harder to just deal when I know I could find someone that is my dream and could make me so happy.
I can’t get past the guilt. I can’t get past how manipulative he is. I want to tell him to move out, but he doesn’t even have a way to support himself, a broken car, nowhere to go. I don’t know how to go about this. I can’t continue to settle and deal with being so unhappy out of pity for someone.