“He says we’re too attached”

I started talking to this guy about two years ago. We work in the same field, so that is how we met. We started with just chatting, and then after about 3 or 4 months, he disappeared. I thought he did not want to move further, so I let it go.

Then we met again at an event, and we started to chat again. After 3 or 4 months, he told me that he liked me, but he couldn’t have a serious relationship. He was just not ready. So we agreed on having a no-strings-attached relationship. At first, it was not much different than before we agreed to do this no-strings-attached thingy. We met up only once in three months. We chatted mostly.

But as time went by, we started to become more and more close. We chatted more frequently, we had countless meals together, we spent nights at each other’s places — sometimes several nights in a row. We also had sex.

We take care of each other when one of us is sick, and we know each other’s calendars. We both are busy with our work, and we both travel a lot due to work. We do not usually travel together, though. Only once or twice have we traveled together, and it was because he asked me to join him. We hold hands in public, and people have started to know we are seeing each other. He has also introduced me to his friends. He gave me a birthday present and took me to a nice dinner to celebrate.

But then, when things were going well, he told me that he would like to stop what we are doing. He has been thinking about us, and it would be easier to just end this. He said we are attached. He said he is not ready, and he would like to be alone. He does not want this to end ugly, so he just prefers this to end. And focus on his work.

I am confused why he stopped this. I am hurt. Will he come back when he feels he is ready? He prevents this from becoming ugly, so he can come back? Does this mean that he is just not ready?

I never pressured him to be committed and attached to me, because I believe it will happen if it is meant to happen. Which it did obviously. He said he wants us to go back to not being attached to each other. But we can still talk. I told him that we can talk, but I need to sort out my feelings first.

We still talk now, but strictly about work. And the conversations are very short.  I just feel that I started to love him, and I believe he is the one. I do not mind waiting, and I do not want to go anywhere else. He is the one I want.

Please help me understand what’s going on.

2 thoughts on ““He says we’re too attached”

  1. Anonymous says:

    This is going to be hard and I’m sorry that you are hurting. I’d offer you a hug if you were close by. Whatever his issue is, fear of intimacy, cheating on another partner, etc – you won’t get a good explanation from him. You are doing the right thing by keeping conversations short and only about work. If you can cut ties with him altogether it would be better. He’s not going to come back and you don’t deserve the treatment you got.

    You deserve better. Move on as fast as you can. If he comes back again, don’t let him into your life.

    And shame on him for hurting you. He did tell you he didn’t want strings, but then his actions belied his original message.

    In my experience men always tell you what is worst of them in the first 30 minutes of a date. He said he didn’t want a relationship and meant it.

  2. M says:

    I agree. this doesn’t sound good unfortunately :/ it all depends on details we are unaware of of course ( like is he your first long term date? How long you’ve been “apart” now and etc) but from the information you provided it sounds like he is simply not interested in a long term thing ( his loss to be honest ) and all this stuff about it “not ending ugly” is not about him wanting to get back, it is about him being a coward, and not wanting any risks. You gotta move on. just take life day by day, learn to be with yourself, stop talking to him. ( when i broke up with my 5 year boyfriend, we still talked for a while, because i missed his company…but that does not work out well, only when i forced myself to cut of the contact completely, even though it was very hard at first, in a long run it became much much better to not have a constant reminder of him… it’s like taking a sting out, the quicker you do it, the sooner the wound will start to heal) and all this “he is the one” thing… You deserve to have someone who wants you no matter what. Who is brave enough to take that chance. someone who will put you first, no their feelings or their work… there is no such thing as “soul mates”. there are plenty of men out there, who you can have a deep meaningful connection with, just go out there, and meet them, with your heart free…

    Good luck.

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