“We’re getting fed up with her anxiety”

A friend of mine at school has extreme anxiety issues, a crappy home life, and extreme depression. I just met her at the beginning of school last semester, and she is kind of like a little sister to me, but she has been quite an inconvenience lately.

Several times in the last few months, I have had to drop what I was doing and go to her to make sure she is okay. In addition to that, really weird things set her off — things that we can’t just tell people not to say. The rest of our friends are also getting fed up with it. Also, it is getting to the point where it feels like she’s taking advantage of us.

We have all tried to get her to see a counselor (we are all in college, and they offer free counseling services if you need it). Every time that we bring it up, though, she just says back to us, “You guys are all targeting me,” and then gets upset, cries, and does other stuff to try to make us feel guilty, and then storms out.

I have also offered to go with her to see counseling services as support, but she still finds a way to refuse to go. One more thing, we cannot do an intervention because that makes her anxiety worse, and she’ll think we’re targeting her. We are all really worried about her, because she can’t be doing this forever. Does anyone have any ideas on what we can do?

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6 thoughts on ““We’re getting fed up with her anxiety”

    • Anonymous says:

      its difficult to try to help those who refuse to accept it. As a person with anxiety and depression, I will say it is difficult to be the one with the problem. It’s difficult when people start pointing it out because you know your behavior is getting out of control and it makes the problem real. She might need a little time to accept that people are insisting that she needs help. Sometimes a stubborn person needs a push, for their own benefit.

  1. Anonymous says:

    She may actually have a mental illness like bipolarism. There is not much you can do. You can alert her parents. You can keep asking her to see counseling. And if you honestly think she is going to be a threat to herself PLEASE call 911!

    You are going to have to kindly, but firmly tell her you can not deal with the drama of the day. You all may have to be a broken record about this. IT IS NOT YOUR RESPONSIBILITY FOR ANYONE”S MENTAL HEALTH. I say it in all caps, because it is true and you may need to repeat that mantra to yourself.

  2. hannahagutter says:

    I agree with the person comment above. It does sound very like bipolarism. But, that does not mean excuses can be made for her behaviour. As someone who suffers from anxiety and depression I can say that sometime I do get very paranoid about people ‘ganging up’ on me. I would suggest trying to talk to her when she is in a better mood.
    As the person said above, I agree. Make sure you have all of the emergency numbers at hand should you need them.
    – Hannah ❤
    (www.paintmeasmile.co.uk)

  3. R says:

    I had a friend in college with histrionic personality disorder. While Im aware that it was an illness that she had and not necessarily in her control Im also aware of the fact that my desire to be helpful made me an easy target for getting taken advantage of. And I did. She intertwined herself into my life, and my family and consumed all my free time and demanded all my attention. The more I offered in an effort to appease her wild mood swings and insecurity the more shed take. And take. And take. My grades began to slip, I lost my other friends. Her boyfriend and I were both exasperated. It felt like every time we turned around she had some kind of massive emergency that required our full attention. We tried for months to chase behind her, picking up the broken pieces for her but she only got worse— and dragged us down with her.

    I know it hurts to see someone else hurting and I know that you care about her and want to help but the bottom line is that you are not a professional and their mental health ultimately is not your responsibility nor your burden. You have yourself to worry about. Especially if you are in college. YOU should be your primary focus right now.

  4. Celeste says:

    I’m a girl who actually has severe depression, and I’d like to give you some advice from her point of view, or perhaps near it. So when I first found out that I had depression, I was so angry and embarassed. It’s hard to explain. I was angry at the world, because I had a good life. Great family, supportive friends, nice house, good education. I’m not sure exactly what happened that gave me depression, but when I found out I was embarrassed too. I couldn’t talk to anyone about it, because they were all so happy. I would write songs and poems and paint about my feelings. That’s still my outlet, and I’m ashamed to say that I still haven’t told anyone, even though it’s been a year. I felt like everyone was so mean. I kept thinking “oh god, they know” whenever someone would notice that I hadn’t said anything for hours, or if they noticed that I sat in a dark corner of the library every recess and lunch and cried. It’s so embarrassing, and it’s the worst feeling in the world. She feels targeted because you all want to fix her. She’s broken, and you all feel the horrible need to fix her, somehow. But all she wants is to feel regular, normal. Trust me, professional help will make it so much worse, because normal girls don’t need professional help. My advice: don’t address it. That’ll make her feel alienated and targeted. Instead, give her an outlet of some sort. I find that music helps a lot. My favorite artist is Halsey. When I listen to her lyrics, I feel like she gets me. She is bipolar. In her song Gasoline, she sings, “and all the people say, you can’t wake up this is not a dream. You’re part of a machine you are not a human being. With your face all made up living on a screen, low on self-esteem so you run on gasoline. I think there’s a flaw in my code.” I don’t know if that helps you understand her a little more, but I hope it does. It’s hard feeling broken. I suppose I’m pretty, but wear makeup because I need a mask to hide behind. It’s hard being broken on the inside, especially when no one can see it. And especially when everyone can see it.

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