We’ve only been dating for two months, so things haven’t gotten too serious. We met online about 9 months ago. Over Spring Break, he told me that he really liked me and wanted things to work out with me, but he’s in love with one of his friends, and needed to sort out his feelings for her first (he had addressed it with her before, and she told him she didn’t feel the same way). I told him I was willing to do whatever he wanted, whether it be stay together or part ways. just what he needed to do to be happy. Now, I already feel very strongly for him, and all of this hurt me really bad. Is it wrong for me to feel this way? Should we further discuss maybe taking time apart for the time being? I just need a little help sorting out my thoughts, any help would be greatly appreciated.

So basically My best friend just asked out my crush right in front of me. I got so mad, she knew that I liked him! Now I’m Mad, I told I’m not because I don’t want to make her feel bad,so yeah I told her I wasn’t mad….Oh and my crush said that He’ll think about it when my “best friend” asked him out, What should I do 😦

Hi everyone,

I am brand new here, and I see that a lot of the advice is for newer relationships, but I thought I might give this a go anyway. Maybe you all could help me get my head straight.

My husband and I have been together for four years, married for two. I love him. He is my partner and my friend and my lover. He loves me too. Of this I am certain. Never a doubt.

The Situation: My husband has type 2 diabetes, a pretty big problem for a man in his early 30’s. He is a big, chubby dude, but I don’t mind. In fact, I like that he has some “thickness”. I do too. I am, however, worried about his health.

On top of this, my husband also has money problems. To be honest, he grew up with a lot of money, and I’m not sure he is ever going to figure out that money is not constant. I grew up pretty much dirt poor, and I understand that in order to save money, you can’t, well, spend it.

My husband I do not eat fast food. The closest we come is the occasional Subway sandwich or Mexican take-out. With his diabetes, there is just no way he can eat Jack in the Box and McDonald’s and remain healthy.

The problem: I keep a pretty close eye on our money as my husband has a history of overspending sometimes. A few months ago, I found out that he was eating fast food when I was not around. I was pretty upset, and after some talking, I thought we had worked it out.

This month, I got a notice that over $200 dollars had been spent on my credit card. I called him immediately to see if he knew why. He looked up the statement (he was near a computer, and I was not) and said that a payment for a dress went through($100) and that the rest had gone to gas money.

Our rent was due, so I looked at our bank accounts to see which account we should pay it from (we have separate accounts as a security measure against either of us overspending). I saw that he had far less money in his account than there should have been, and I started looking at his history. He had gone to McDonald’s TEN TIMES in the last month. Carl’s Jr. twice, and Jack in the Box three times. I was shocked.

At this point, I thought something was up, so I checked my credit card statement. He had spent over $40 on fast food on MY credit card and then LIED to me about it. In total, he spent over $130 on fast food last month. (I am not counting any food we got together or more healthy choices. Just fast food by himself.)

It’s like he’s cheating on me with fast food! Yes, the money spending is bad, and the lying is bad, but what makes it so infuriating is that this food is going to kill him. He is spending out money, deceiving me, and slowly killing himself.

Combined with a couple of other, smaller fights (not doing the dishes when he said he would and being rude to me because he could not find his checkbook), this thing blew up into a nuclear fight.

I asked my husband to give me the night to think about things. He slept at a friend’s house. I don’t think either of us would even consider leaving the other for a moment. That is not what we are talking about here. He is coming back tonight, and hopefully we can talk about this, but what on earth can we do to get past this? How do we fix it?

Backstory: I’ve been seeing this guy for several months, very casually. We hang out like once a week, watch movies, go out for drinks, and we’re sleeping together. We have fun, we keep it light. [But like I don’t know his parents’ or siblings’ names. That’s what kind of casual I’m talking about.] I don’t get butterflies when I see him, we don’t hold hands, etc. We just have a casual friendly thing going on and it’s good how it is. For the record I am fine with this arrangement, and I don’t need anyone to tell me to be careful. I’m not a weak little girl letting a guy use me or manipulate me. He’s always respectful. We have trust.

We were open with each other about getting tested, etc., everything came back ok, and I’m on the pill, we had a conversation about seeing other people (we’re not), and so decided we weren’t going to use condoms. The precedent has been set that he’d pull out every time, and that’s always been what we do. Not because we think it’s a method of birth control (we’re not idiots) but just because that’s what we do. It feels more casual to pull out I guess lol. The reason isn’t important, the point is, that was our routine.

So last night we were having sex, and he had me get on top which I don’t usually do. He warned me that he was about to finish, and I just didn’t stop, and let him finish inside me. I thought it was sexy, I don’t know, I thought he’d like it for a change of pace.

After, we were laying in bed and I could tell he was thinking but he wasn’t talking, and I knew he felt weird about it. Eventually he said “I know it’s probably fine but I just don’t think we should do… that… again.”

I assured him I take my birth control religiously, and (duh) that’s the whole reason they invented birth control, so you can do that and not get pregnant, blah blah.

He said “I know. I know, but still…”

So then I apologized. Like… a lot. I felt REALLY really bad for making him uncomfortable. Ugh.

He said “don’t be sorry, it was nice haha but we just shouldn’t do it again.” He insisted it was okay and that I don’t have to feel bad, that it was his fault (even though it was obviously mine — what was he supposed to do, throw me off of him?).

Then I started to say basically “It’s fine, but even if it wasn’t, you don’t have to worry, because if I needed to, I’d take care of it, I’m 100% not changing my life for anything right now. I’m sorry” etc. etc…

And cut me off and said “I don’t want to talk about that.” Which REALLY threw me. I couldn’t tell if he didn’t want to talk about it because it was a stressful topic in general, or because he doesn’t believe in abortion, or because it was awkward. I didn’t know what to do so I just let him change the subject, but I’m still confused and I still feel so bad for making him uncomfortable.

I’m not sure if I should bring it up again, and get him to talk about it. I mean people who are sleeping together should be able to talk about all aspects of an adult sexual relationship. I thought he’d be able to at least have a hypothetical conversation about it, and it’s so strange that he couldn’t/wouldn’t.

I feel really weird about how he totally shut down and wouldn’t talk about it at all. And I just feel bad about the whole situation. I need some perspective and other people’s opinions on it, I guess.

I broke up with my bf for one month.. I feel terrible .. I couldnot sleep well coz i have a nightmare every night.. Thats why i really need help here.

He told me that i took care of him too much that pressured him. Im too good for him that i love him more than he loved me. First 6 months we met each other almost everyday.. He appreciated everything i did to him but when in january, i had problem with my work and i had too many stress so that i was admitted into hospital. So he said im a depressed person and could not manage my life .. So he thinks he cant be with me , with someone who always be sad. And in jan, he was busy with work so that he met me only once a week… He has his own schedule like every monday and thursday he has to play soccer. Every friday he has to go out partying with friends. Every saturday he has class to attend. Only sunday afternoon he can see me. Im ok with that i never complain about him going to party .. I understand him and try to adapt myself that love doesnt need to be with each other all day all night. From that reason, sometimes i feel sad when i was with him that i have to admit he can see me only once a week.. But still i will find time to bring him food at his condo.. So he didnt need to com out to see me.. But that action of me made him look at me as annoying .. He said its like i ran after him and he ran away…

Well i did everything i did like the first 6 months.. But at that time he appreciated it but now.. Not anymore..

He asked me to b just friend.. I cant really accept that right now.. He said some of our attitudes are different.. But i think it can be changed right? We can try to understand if we still love and care, right?

I still think he is the right guy and i wanna be with him.. Want to take care of him and made him succeed in work ..

Oh right he said he is not ready for commitment which is not the way he told me at first we fell in love…

I told him i will wait for him for 4 years .. I will let him to try to b in relationship with other women and live on his own… If in another 4 years he has noone he says he will gimme a chance to talk with him again…

I dunno right now what to do.. I sometimes call him and brought him food at his condo without seeing him…

I miss him so much

Will he come back to me ? I just want a chance to improve myself and try to understand him more.. I wont change the entire me but i will try to accept Him more… Plz give me some advice.

I did my best.. But i dont know if its good enough for him?

This is mostly venting. I’ve been talking to a guy for like two months ish? We haven’t hung out a lot (three times) due to busy/conflicting schedules, but we’ve talked a ton. We would text pretty much all day every day, up until this week.

We spent time together this past Friday, and though I thought we had a good time obviously it’s possible I’m missing something. He’d been distant/flaky all weekend and most of this week, and the past two days has been completely silent. I keep making excuses for him in my head, “oh he’s busy with midterms” etc. and it’s bullshit.

Before anyone asks “Well do you reach out to him first or always leave it up to him to make contact?” I generally let the dude do the reaching out, but this week I’ve texted him first a few times, and he’d engage but then disappear. Three conversations like that and I’m not about to try again and embarrass myself.

Now, I’m no idiot. I assume he doesn’t like me anymore and of course I can’t change that. My problem is I just feel like I need to know WHY. I need to know what happened. Did I do something he didn’t like? Or was he just not feeling it? Either way, I want to know. I want to know so I can delete his number, move on, and not give him any more time/thought than he deserves.

I think it’s absolute bullshit that pretty much no matter what I text him at this point, I’ll come off looking crazy. I’m so not one to demand to be treated a certain way, but if I say nothing, he gets off scot-free. He doesn’t have to man up and tell me he’s not into it, and I sit around for days wondering wtf I could possibly have done wrong.

I think I HAVE to text him something. I have to know what happened. But what do I say?

I’m worried that my boyfriend and I are not intimate enough. We started dating about 6 months ago, but we were slow to be intimate initially. While I love him very much and am very attracted to him, I feel like I can’t quite get my grove, sexually, with him. In a million ways, he’s the best boyfriend I’ve ever had and I want to marry him, but I worry that maybe our lack of regular intimacy means he’s not really attracted to me. With previous boyfriends, sex was often (at least once a day initially) and didn’t slow down to once a week until at least two years. With my new bf, we can be intimate 3x in one day, but rarely during the week. Is this normal? We are both in our early 30s. It’s really bothering me as I feel like he’s not attracted to me.

Hi. Recently I met this guy and we totally hit it off. We started texting and hanging out every now and then. I am totally relaxed and at ease in his company and the feeling is mutual. He has just finished an 18 year relationship where his wife has found someone else. I was cheated on by my boyfriend of 5 years a few years ago, and last year I got involved with a guy, who I caught with another woman. In the course of confronting him about it (yes not proud but it got violent)he hit me and gave me a black eye anda broken nose. In other words neither of us is ready for a relationship. About a month or so after we met he told me I had a beautiful smile, was sexy, funny etc and basically that he was ‘a fan’. I said I wanted to be single at the moment to take care of my own shit, pointed out that he probably wasn’t ready for anything else either, and said all I could offer was friendship. Ok cool. We continued on. We move fast, he becomes the person I want to tell good news to first, that type of thing. We talk about our worries. He keeps giving me compliments, it’s fun, we are very open about everything, it’s easy. I sort of wonder – is this ok, am I starting to feel different about him? He is a trained massage therapist. I love massages and I’m really broke so he gives me one(yeah I know not our best move)Two and a half hours of heaven on earth for me. The most amazing massage ever; hits all the right spots, completely professional – nothing rude, but quite intimate, emotional. I do start to feel differently about him. I tell him. He says it’s the same for him. He comes over late one night. We are affectionate and it progresses. We don’t have sex but we get it on. There is an emotional connection. It’s intense and awesome, but scary. The next day he starts to shut me out. The compliments stop, I say a few things like it was nice to fall asleep next to him bla bla bla, he gives me nothing. We both agree it can’t happen again. I start asking him how he feels about it. I’m freaking out and feeling vulnerable. The more I ask the more he clams up. I get frustrated. I back off, try just acting normal about it. I don’t know what I want, am really confused and he seems to be handling it sweet as. Keeps going on and on how we are better off as friends. It drives me nuts. We saw each other briefly a few days ago. I give up trying to act like everything is cool and tell him I feel hurt that he can just brush me off and go back to being friends so easily, even if it’s the right thing to do. I say that I hate that it seems so easy for him. He says he means it to come across like that, that it’s just the way he is. I lose my temper and say that sucks shit and that he has been open with me til now, point out it wasn’t long ago that he was confessing his feelings towards me, and that it really hurts that since we took it further (than friendship)now he is so certain that’s not what he wants. I’m not saying I know what I want either, but his attitude is infuriating for me. He said it’s not me, it’s him – he is broken. I tell him it feels like the biggest rejection ever. He said it got too heavy too quick and that I have freaked him out a little (ouch).
Am I being a crazy person? How do I get passed this? How can we go back to just being mates? I’m not sure I can do that, but I don’t want to lose him as a friend. Im’ really strugling with this! What do you think he feels?

Ok, so. “Mike” and I have been dating for about six months. Not exclusive, but I don’t think he’s dating anyone else, at least not nearly as seriously as me. When we had the exclusivity talk, he said he wasn’t looking for meaningless sex, but he wasn’t looking for a relationship, and he definitely wasn’t looking for monogamy (but he also admitted that wants and needs can change over time). I don’t know about his previous love life too much, but I know he spent his 20s in LTRs with strong-willed women, one of whom he lived with, two of whom left him for women, one of whom cheated on him….with the woman. I think he doesn’t want to feel tied down, or like someone’s keeping tabs on him. He likes his space and his time and can only handle people for so long, kind of like me. I want to find out why he feels the way he feels about relationships, but that’s an issue for another time.

When we’re together, he’s super boyfriendy. Hand-holding, cuddling, forehead kisses, all of that. I know it’s likely more habitual than anything, and I’ve pointed this out to him (because it’s kind of in opposition to what he claims to be looking for), so I’m not delusional about this. This question isn’t about whether you think he’s into me or whatever. I’m pretty level-headed about all this. I mean, six months is enough to know or not, you know? (No, but seriously, you’d be proud of me for handling my shit on this one.)

In the fall, I was dating other people—a lot of other people—but we never discussed any of it because I didn’t think we were going anywhere, and it was the early stages of everything, so who gives a shit? You assume the people you’re just starting to date are dating other people until you have an explicit discussion about it. So from then on, we’ve just kind of had an open thing going, not labeled, but more than casual. We text during the week; there are emoticons used. He’s really sweet, and easily the most emotionally mature man I’ve ever dated (except for the whole wanting to prolong relationship limbo indefinitely thing, which brings me to…)

So, I deactivated my OKCupid account, not for Mike, but because everyone else was awful and I’m happier when I’m not on it. Except this one guy wasn’t totally horrendous. We went out last weekend. We had a good date, he lives in my neighborhood, great guy. We’re going out again at some point next week. I don’t get the feeling that he’s approaching things the same way Mike is, so I don’t think he’s dating multiple people at the same time, etc. etc. Of course, I don’t know this until we talk, but it’s only date two. Is that too soon to talk about that? Should I mention that I’m dating someone already? I feel like I have an obligation to this new guy to tell him, since it’s been six months with Mike, and it’s a “thing”.

And then there’s Mike. We haven’t talked about this in a long time. We haven’t had an updated state of the situation or whatever yet, and I think it’s time. Not to be all “where is this going because if it’s not going X, then I’m done,” but more like “Ok, so this is still what’s going on, right? We cool?” I assume he still doesn’t want to be monogamous, which again, is fine with me because it goes both ways, but do I have to disclose that I’m dating other people? Especially since I feel it necessary to disclose it to the other people? I feel like, yes to a certain degree. It doesn’t mean I want to lock it down, or label anything, but I feel like continuing the way we’re going, which is basically inside a vacuum, is going to end in disaster. But I also feel like having this discussion acknowledges that we care about each other, and that our situation is more involved than originally planned. And I don’t want to scare Mike away, because we’re really great together, and I’m totally fine doing this gray area thing and seeing other people until he figures his shit out. I’m up for keeping it open, as long as we both agree to be open and honest with the other people we date (and maybe just not tell each other about our exploits, but those are details to be ironed out later)… but wouldn’t that sort of mean we’re in an open relationship?

I asked a friend of mine who’s in an open marriage about this also, so I’m waiting to see what he has to say, but I’m curious about everyone else’s take on this. I’m just trying to navigate this so I can avoid unintentionally hurting anyone’s feelings, including mine.

So I’m new to online dating, I just started early January and haven’t had that much luck except with this one man. Within a span of 3 days we had sent about 100 messages between the 2 of us and the conversation was great so I guess I assumed he was interested so we exchanged number and started texting. The conversation via text was great as well. We ended up going out twice, both times was a success, at least I thought, he even told me he liked me.
Soon after the conversation started to die and it seemed like I was the one initiating the conversation and his responses has been one or two words. Not to long after that he pulled the Houdini on me and disappeared, stopped texting even what I asked what was wrong. He eventually told me that he didn’t think our personalities matched.
I smell BS… Because I thought our personalities matched perfectly. And why not have the courtesy to tell me the truth and perhaps not ignore me? And why tell me you like me? Am I naive to how the dating world works now a days? Am I missing something?
What frustrates me is that I started to really like him and I believed he was an honest person.
Should I try to talk to him again, after giving him some time, and see what happens, or cut my losses and move on?