Backstory: I’ve been seeing this guy for several months, very casually. We hang out like once a week, watch movies, go out for drinks, and we’re sleeping together. We have fun, we keep it light. [But like I don’t know his parents’ or siblings’ names. That’s what kind of casual I’m talking about.] I don’t get butterflies when I see him, we don’t hold hands, etc. We just have a casual friendly thing going on and it’s good how it is. For the record I am fine with this arrangement, and I don’t need anyone to tell me to be careful. I’m not a weak little girl letting a guy use me or manipulate me. He’s always respectful. We have trust.
We were open with each other about getting tested, etc., everything came back ok, and I’m on the pill, we had a conversation about seeing other people (we’re not), and so decided we weren’t going to use condoms. The precedent has been set that he’d pull out every time, and that’s always been what we do. Not because we think it’s a method of birth control (we’re not idiots) but just because that’s what we do. It feels more casual to pull out I guess lol. The reason isn’t important, the point is, that was our routine.
So last night we were having sex, and he had me get on top which I don’t usually do. He warned me that he was about to finish, and I just didn’t stop, and let him finish inside me. I thought it was sexy, I don’t know, I thought he’d like it for a change of pace.
After, we were laying in bed and I could tell he was thinking but he wasn’t talking, and I knew he felt weird about it. Eventually he said “I know it’s probably fine but I just don’t think we should do… that… again.”
I assured him I take my birth control religiously, and (duh) that’s the whole reason they invented birth control, so you can do that and not get pregnant, blah blah.
He said “I know. I know, but still…”
So then I apologized. Like… a lot. I felt REALLY really bad for making him uncomfortable. Ugh.
He said “don’t be sorry, it was nice haha but we just shouldn’t do it again.” He insisted it was okay and that I don’t have to feel bad, that it was his fault (even though it was obviously mine — what was he supposed to do, throw me off of him?).
Then I started to say basically “It’s fine, but even if it wasn’t, you don’t have to worry, because if I needed to, I’d take care of it, I’m 100% not changing my life for anything right now. I’m sorry” etc. etc…
And cut me off and said “I don’t want to talk about that.” Which REALLY threw me. I couldn’t tell if he didn’t want to talk about it because it was a stressful topic in general, or because he doesn’t believe in abortion, or because it was awkward. I didn’t know what to do so I just let him change the subject, but I’m still confused and I still feel so bad for making him uncomfortable.
I’m not sure if I should bring it up again, and get him to talk about it. I mean people who are sleeping together should be able to talk about all aspects of an adult sexual relationship. I thought he’d be able to at least have a hypothetical conversation about it, and it’s so strange that he couldn’t/wouldn’t.
I feel really weird about how he totally shut down and wouldn’t talk about it at all. And I just feel bad about the whole situation. I need some perspective and other people’s opinions on it, I guess.