Will he come back? Worth waiting for?

I broke up with my bf for one month.. I feel terrible .. I couldnot sleep well coz i have a nightmare every night.. Thats why i really need help here.

He told me that i took care of him too much that pressured him. Im too good for him that i love him more than he loved me. First 6 months we met each other almost everyday.. He appreciated everything i did to him but when in january, i had problem with my work and i had too many stress so that i was admitted into hospital. So he said im a depressed person and could not manage my life .. So he thinks he cant be with me , with someone who always be sad. And in jan, he was busy with work so that he met me only once a week… He has his own schedule like every monday and thursday he has to play soccer. Every friday he has to go out partying with friends. Every saturday he has class to attend. Only sunday afternoon he can see me. Im ok with that i never complain about him going to party .. I understand him and try to adapt myself that love doesnt need to be with each other all day all night. From that reason, sometimes i feel sad when i was with him that i have to admit he can see me only once a week.. But still i will find time to bring him food at his condo.. So he didnt need to com out to see me.. But that action of me made him look at me as annoying .. He said its like i ran after him and he ran away…

Well i did everything i did like the first 6 months.. But at that time he appreciated it but now.. Not anymore..

He asked me to b just friend.. I cant really accept that right now.. He said some of our attitudes are different.. But i think it can be changed right? We can try to understand if we still love and care, right?

I still think he is the right guy and i wanna be with him.. Want to take care of him and made him succeed in work ..

Oh right he said he is not ready for commitment which is not the way he told me at first we fell in love…

I told him i will wait for him for 4 years .. I will let him to try to b in relationship with other women and live on his own… If in another 4 years he has noone he says he will gimme a chance to talk with him again…

I dunno right now what to do.. I sometimes call him and brought him food at his condo without seeing him…

I miss him so much

Will he come back to me ? I just want a chance to improve myself and try to understand him more.. I wont change the entire me but i will try to accept Him more… Plz give me some advice.

I did my best.. But i dont know if its good enough for him?

7 thoughts on “Will he come back? Worth waiting for?

  1. Dennis Hong says:

    [I’m kind of curious why you seem to feel compelled to “take care of him” and make him “succeed in work.” He seems like he’s doing fine on his own, so why not take care of yourself first?

    Since it sounds like you’re pretty invested in this guy, I’m not going to say that you should cut him off and move on already, because I don’t think you’re going to be able to do that at this point. If you really feel that you need to wait for him for four years, then no one can stop you. At the same time, if that’s what you’re choosing to do, then I suggest that you also go out and meet other people and date during those four years.

    Put him on the back burner, not front and center. Wait if you must, but try not to miss any other opportunities in the meantime. I think that’s the best you can do at this point.

    And stop trying to change yourself just to be with him. Again, take care of yourself first. Not him.

  2. Anna says:

    [I am sorry that you are going through this. I can see that you care about him deeply, and want to be there for him. But at the same time, when you care about someone and they make a choice, think the respectful thing to do would be to accept that choice.

    I understand that you donít feel ok with just being friends, and it is true that attitudes can be changed, but it does sound like he might need some space, and it might be a good thing to give him that. Something that I have noticed is that, when guys want move away emotionally we (women..at least some of us) want to move closer to maintain the same level of intimacy, and that doesn’t help anyone. The woman ends up feeling hurt and the guy feels crowded.

    Give him his space, I know you miss him but in the meantime try finding things that will distract you from him, what about joining a sports league or some fun hobby? You seem like a really neat and caring person, and give him a chance to miss that, so I would say give yourself a chance to develop into who you can be when you guys are on this break. All the best.

  3. Wynter says:

    [I think you two are being way too nice, I’m trying to find a nice way to say that she needs help from a professional…URGENTLY!!! She’s is needy and clingy and she found herself and asshole and she’s still hanging around him when he clearly doesn’t want anything to do with her, he is taking advantage of her sick obsession for him. I do feel sorry for her but I think the advice so fae is much too indulging of a very obviously sick woman.

  4. nightowl says:

    [Hi. I can see that you love and care for this guy. You want the best for him and you miss him a lot. I feel for you – this is tough. However, I have to tell it to you straight Ė this guy is no good for you and is definitely not worth waiting another minute for, and thatís putting it mildly!
    What would YOU have done if he was admitted to hospital for stress? I have no doubt you would have been by his side day and night. He showed you no compassion, love or understanding when you were sick and needed his help. Is this the way to treat someone you love? Imagine if a good friend told you this was how she was being treated by her boyfriend. What would you say to her?
    I know it sucks but you need to LET GO of this guy. You are worth so much more! He sounds selfish and inconsiderate to say the least, and you sound like a caring and loving person who deserves better. If you were important to him he would not let you go. Telling him you are prepared to wait for him for four years doesnít help the situation either. By doing this you are confirming to him you are needy and desperate for his love and attention, and that you are more than willing to sacrifice your own happiness for a chance with him. Four years is a very long time.
    I beg you – donít be his fallback girl! Donít take him any more food. Donít contact him. If you were freaking him out by wanting to be with him too much, and he has asked you for some space you will only drive him further away.
    I know itís hard to take when someone doesnít reciprocate your feelings, but you canít change that. You canít change him, and you shouldnít try and change yourself for anyone else.
    What did you get out of this relationship? What did he do for you? Why do you love him? Why do you want to be with him? What makes him the right guy for you? What makes you think you canít do better than this? Take some time to really think about the answers to these questions. Put yourself first and start thinking about your own happiness. Good luck.

  5. Maya says:

    [I feel for you. I really do.

    But I think some tough love is needed here, not sympathy (I know this from my own experience). From what you have described of him, this is the picture I’m getting: He makes no time or effort to be with you (although he has time for other social activities), and tells you are a chronically unhappy person. He tells you that you each have different attitudes, and he has a problem committing to you. But despite all this, he “generously” gives you the “privilege” of being his fall back person in 4 years, if he is not with someone by then. Jee whiz, what did you do to get so lucky.

    My advice to you is simply this: WALK AWAY AND DON’T LOOK BACK! Now I know this is not what you want to hear. Your reaction after reading this may even be “But we were so good together when we were together. I’m sure if I just fixed me, everything will be alright, and we can go back to those happy days.” Trust me honey, that is not going to happen. I know this because I was in your shoes. I was in a relationship where I had convinced myself that if I just fixed me, improved myself, he would return, and we could go back to the way we once were. Never worked. Yes I made my mistakes, but what I didn’t know is that when I was racking my head for how to improve me, he had already walked into the arms of another. Never felt so foolish in my life.

    The problem here is not you. Well its partially you (but I’ll get to that later).

    You simply cannot “love him into loving you” as you are trying to do now. Sure, I get that your motives are good – you want to be there to support him, help him succeed, etc. But unless he feels the same way towards you (which doesn’t sound like it), this isn’t going to work. Relationships are two way streets. Even if he had cared for you at the outset of your relationship, it sounds like he changed his mind. People do that. I know its tough to hear, but it happens. If he hadn’t changed his mind, then it means he was simply lying to you, telling you what he thought you needed to hear at the outset of your relationship.

    Yes attitudes can be changed. But you firstly need to ask yourself, why are you changing your attitude? Is it to improve yourself? If yes, who are you doing it for? If there is any improvement to be done, make sure you are doing it for YOU, not for anybody else, even him.

    If there is anything you need to improve on, it is your self-esteem. Each of us has areas we need to improve on. We are human, afterall. If he is using your “faults” as reasons to leave you, he is not the guy for you. The guy for you will be the one who will love you despite these faults, and is willing to be there, by you, helping you improve yourself. Not because if you don’t, he’ll leave you, but because he wants nothing but the best for you. I know it is easier said than done. Right now it feels as if this guy doesn’t exist, and therefore it is better to go back to the one you are familiar with, than start out yourself again.

    But trust me, pick yourself up, walk with your head high, and don’t look back. If it is meant to be between you and him, time will reveal it. But in the meantime, don’t waste 4 years of your life being a backup option for someone else. You are so much better, and deserve so much better, than to be someone’s back up option.

    • Dennis Hong says:

      [Well said, Maya. I don’t think that was tough at all. Hopefully, the blurb poster will get something from all this….

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