I am brand new here, and I see that a lot of the advice is for newer relationships, but I thought I might give this a go anyway. Maybe you all could help me get my head straight.
My husband and I have been together for four years, married for two. I love him. He is my partner and my friend and my lover. He loves me too. Of this I am certain. Never a doubt.
The Situation: My husband has type 2 diabetes, a pretty big problem for a man in his early 30’s. He is a big, chubby dude, but I don’t mind. In fact, I like that he has some “thickness”. I do too. I am, however, worried about his health.
On top of this, my husband also has money problems. To be honest, he grew up with a lot of money, and I’m not sure he is ever going to figure out that money is not constant. I grew up pretty much dirt poor, and I understand that in order to save money, you can’t, well, spend it.
My husband I do not eat fast food. The closest we come is the occasional Subway sandwich or Mexican take-out. With his diabetes, there is just no way he can eat Jack in the Box and McDonald’s and remain healthy.
The problem: I keep a pretty close eye on our money as my husband has a history of overspending sometimes. A few months ago, I found out that he was eating fast food when I was not around. I was pretty upset, and after some talking, I thought we had worked it out.
This month, I got a notice that over $200 dollars had been spent on my credit card. I called him immediately to see if he knew why. He looked up the statement (he was near a computer, and I was not) and said that a payment for a dress went through($100) and that the rest had gone to gas money.
Our rent was due, so I looked at our bank accounts to see which account we should pay it from (we have separate accounts as a security measure against either of us overspending). I saw that he had far less money in his account than there should have been, and I started looking at his history. He had gone to McDonald’s TEN TIMES in the last month. Carl’s Jr. twice, and Jack in the Box three times. I was shocked.
At this point, I thought something was up, so I checked my credit card statement. He had spent over $40 on fast food on MY credit card and then LIED to me about it. In total, he spent over $130 on fast food last month. (I am not counting any food we got together or more healthy choices. Just fast food by himself.)
It’s like he’s cheating on me with fast food! Yes, the money spending is bad, and the lying is bad, but what makes it so infuriating is that this food is going to kill him. He is spending out money, deceiving me, and slowly killing himself.
Combined with a couple of other, smaller fights (not doing the dishes when he said he would and being rude to me because he could not find his checkbook), this thing blew up into a nuclear fight.
I asked my husband to give me the night to think about things. He slept at a friend’s house. I don’t think either of us would even consider leaving the other for a moment. That is not what we are talking about here. He is coming back tonight, and hopefully we can talk about this, but what on earth can we do to get past this? How do we fix it?