Someone help me understand him!

So I’m new to online dating, I just started early January and haven’t had that much luck except with this one man. Within a span of 3 days we had sent about 100 messages between the 2 of us and the conversation was great so I guess I assumed he was interested so we exchanged number and started texting. The conversation via text was great as well. We ended up going out twice, both times was a success, at least I thought, he even told me he liked me.
Soon after the conversation started to die and it seemed like I was the one initiating the conversation and his responses has been one or two words. Not to long after that he pulled the Houdini on me and disappeared, stopped texting even what I asked what was wrong. He eventually told me that he didn’t think our personalities matched.
I smell BS… Because I thought our personalities matched perfectly. And why not have the courtesy to tell me the truth and perhaps not ignore me? And why tell me you like me? Am I naive to how the dating world works now a days? Am I missing something?
What frustrates me is that I started to really like him and I believed he was an honest person.
Should I try to talk to him again, after giving him some time, and see what happens, or cut my losses and move on?

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7 thoughts on “Someone help me understand him!

  1. Joanna says:

    [I wouldn’t keep chasing him. Be glad you got out of it before you got too much more invested. With online dating the are pretty much unlimited prospects so you’ll find another. Just relax, have fun, and don’t take rejection personally. I know it’s hard not to, but this guy had a picture in his head of what he wanted and you weren’t it. If you can’t take this little rejection then I suggest not doing online dating at all.

  2. Dennis Hong says:

    [Since you’re new to online dating, now might be a good time to learn a harsh truth about common courtesy in the world of online dating. And here it is:

    There is no common courtesy in online dating.

    I dabbled on and off in online dating for probably seven years, so I’ve long since lost count of how many dates I’ve been on. Some went great. Some were meh. Some tanked. But here’s the one thing they all had in common: It doesn’t matter how great a date goes. There’s always a chance the other person will just disappear on you. Heck, I’ve slept with a girl on the first date and never heard from her again. (I mean, not that I’m complaining, right? I’m a guy — we’re supposed to be all into that kinda thing, right?)

    Point being, both sexes do it. And it happens. A lot. I think it has to do with the fact that when you meet people online, there’s a good chance you won’t accidentally run into them again. So, it’s just easier to disappear. At least your guy had the decency to say that your personalities don’t match. Which, by the way, isn’t something you can disagree with. It doesn’t matter how well you think you match. If he doesn’t think so, then you don’t match.

    And sure, you can try contacting him if you want. You don’t have much to lose (well, except maybe your dignity). But honestly, I wouldn’t count on him responding. Maybe you did click at one point, but he’s since lost interest. Maybe he met someone else he’s more interested in. Maybe he’s got a slick facade. Maybe he’s gay. None of that matters. He’s not interested now, and that’s all you need to know. Move on. There are plenty of other guys out there.

    Oh, here’s something that may give you some insight on what you’re experiencing….

    http://www.thefrisky.com/2012-07-25/guy-talk-why-you-never-heard-from-me-again-after-our-amazing-first-date/

  3. Anna says:

    [Well, welcome to the fun and frustrating world of online dating. This is what I learned, you have to be assertive and initiate messages to a lot of people. It is very common for online dates to fizzle out for no good reason, even though one might have thought that everything was going great, because there are high chances that one person might be messaging multiple people at the same time and going out with them. Also I wouldn’t get emotionally attached (or get my hopes too high) with someone till you have had 2- 3 dates and you kind of get a feel for who they are. I have had several instances where the messages and the texts were great but once we met face to face there was no chemistry there.

    However the good part about online dating is that you get a lot of choices in the people you meet. So keep doing it and you will figure out how to sort through the BS. Also the early mistake that I made was to get my hopes up when I went out on a date, and think this was it because of the messages etc. I have since realized that one just needs to go in there with no expectations and see what comes of it. My best dates were the ones where I went in with no expectations. So have fun with it, like someone else said.

    All the best!

  4. EricaSwagger says:

    [If someone tells you something harsh, believe them. People don’t lie to HURT your feelings, they lie to SPARE them, so there’s about a 0% chance there’s any “BS” in what he said.

  5. kerplunkLYN says:

    [Agree with the other posters. Online dating is not for the faint of heart, just for the reasons you’ve found. Meet someone you like, have a great date or two, and then POOF, never hear from them again. You should cut your losses and move on. Just remember, when a man is really interested in you, you won’t be left wondering like this. He’ll be the one initiating calls, texts, dates. When he isn’t, he’s just not that into you. And you ain’t got not time for a man like that!

    • nightowl says:

      [I agree with some of the other posters. I don’t think you can get clearer than him telling you ‘I don’t think our personalities match’…! Even if it’s not true and it was something like – (for random example) he freaked out cos he told you he really liked you and is afraid to commit – whatever, this guy obviously has so much baggage that he can’t even handle a connection with you. You are better off without him. No more chasing! Definitely cut your losses and find someone to spend time with who is clear about how they feel about you – as Erica said – you will know when a man is interested in you because they initiate – they make the effort. Ditch this guy for sure!

  6. FNW says:

    [This sounds like an issue of “too much, too soon.” 100 messages in 3 days? Uh, no. That is, unless you want an electronic relationship. If so, text away.

    Personally, I met my husband on-line. We’ve been together 11 years, married for 10. I did the whole on-line thing for several years before meeting him. I made the same mistake you made, but eventually I learned from it. I realized that if a person wants to get to know me better, he needs to do so by seeing me in person. And if he is interested, he will want to see me. So I stayed off the computer, and rarely used my text. I would return emails once a day, and limit phone calls to 10-15 minutes. Just enough time to make arrangements to meet. If after 2 or 3 emails or phone calls they never asked me out, I would move on.

    And I kept myself busy with outside interests. To keep myself from being tempted to text/email, etc. And to make myself more interesting to others. Who would you rather go out with…someone who is sitting at his computer or phone all day long texting/emailing God knows how many people at once? Or someone who is adventurous and is out enjoying life. Personally, I would rather be with someone who likes to have fun. So get out there and be interesting! Love will find you.

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