I’ve never posted here, but this seems like a thoughtful and intelligent forum and I’d love to get your advice.

I created my first ever online dating profile ever about three weeks ago, and it has been going swimmingly. I’ve gotten a lot of interest, had a few really awkward dates, and met two guys that seem really promising for the future. They apparently agree: we have second and third dates planned (in both cases). I think everyone’s on the same page as far as wanting to find someone with whom there is potential a serious relationship. My question is: should I tell either of them that I’m seeing other people? And if so, how should I do it? I don’t want to unnecessarily cause drama, but I also don’t want to have secrets that could hurt someone if they found out unexpectedly. I’m pretty sure it’s way too soon to be talking about being exclusive… I don’t expect/want to be multi-tasking like this for long, but I wanted to give each fledgling relationship a chance to figure out who is the better match for me (and it’s hard because they both seem really really great). Maybe I should have tried to space out the first dates more, but I’ve gotten so many messages that it felt like I might as well dive right in and meet as many people as possible.

Anyway, I’ve never done the formal “dating” thing (in the past, I have ended up in relationships with people who I knew, and I’ve never actually been dating multiple people at the same time), so I really appreciate your input and wisdom! Thank you everyone.

I’ve never wanted to date someone who has a kid. The older I get, however, more and more people in my dating pool will have kids from previous relationships. I’m starting to wonder if I should be open to it, although I still don’t really like the idea of it.

Have you dated someone who had kids? Did you not want to date someone who had kids, and did it go better than expected? Did it go poorly? Have you always been open to dating people with kids? Basically, if you have any dating people with kids experiences, share them! And share any feelings on the topic in general.

This is an uncomfortable thing to talk about. I love my girlfriend and we’ve been together for almost ten years. I understand that people are going to say that in relationships you have to work to keep things from going stale. But that’s not what this is about.

In recent months I’ve been feeling nostalgic and revisiting old hang out spots. This brings up memories of old girlfriends from basically another life. But the memories that are giving me trouble are the sex ones.

Do people go back and replay these thoughts so vividly? Even if they aren’t accurate memories and more partial ones with wishful thinking/imagination thrown in, they still come up. I’m embarrassed but I’ve been masturbating off of these memories. Not more than usual and not substituting sex. More like substituting internet porn.

I don’t want any of these partners again, but I still have these thoughts or fantasies. Is it some sort of violation if it already happened? I don’t want to say anything to my girlfriend because it probably would bother her.

Even more disturbing to me is that I’m thinking back 15 years and more to when I’m still in high school. So these memories are now of high school girls. I’m not into that, I’m an adult. But am I perverted because I’m remembering something inappropriate now that was appropriate at the time? This isn’t sarcasm, I’m actually concerned.

What do you look for in online dating profile photos? Is there anything that stands out to you? Do you prefer solo photos, or photos that show the person with friends or family? Do you like to see photos of vacations they’ve been on or photos of them enjoying their favorite hobby?

I prefer to see mainly solo photos, and I think it’s nice to see a photo or two of the person on vacation or doing something interesting, even if it’s far away – it adds some variety. I also think that there should be some close-up face shots and at least one full-length body shot, for completeness! And the person should be smiling in the majority of the photos.

. A few weeks ago I got a job at a restaurant. Unfortunately, as the newbie I have been given the late night closing shifts a few times since I started working. This restaurant is located in a medical center so parking is a tricky situation. Luckily, I go to a school that’s pretty close by and I have parking paid through for the year at the school. If I wanted parking in the medical center, it would be an enormous amount of money per month which I cannot afford. So, I’ve taken to parking at school and walking to the restaurant which is about a 10-13 minute walk away. I don’t carry anything particularly valuable on me and I always carry pepper spray.

This restaurant and school are by no means in a bad neighborhood, but my school has reported a few muggings at knife and gun point this past year along the street I walk due to the fact that the medical center has a sort of bus hub which brings all sorts of people to the area, good and bad.

I was told by somebody that it’s good to be on the phone if you’re alone at night because that means the person on the other line can call for help if anything happens. I asked my boyfriend, who is currently in another state, a while ago when I started working if he could try to be available around the time I get out so that I can call him and keep him on the line during the walk in case anything happens. I expressed that while I don’t think anything is going to happen to me, the street is very poorly lit and there are many areas where a potential attacker could hide and that I was worried about my safety. I thought that it’s better to be safe than sorry.

My boyfriend told me that he thought it’d be a great idea and that as long as I told him ahead of time during the day he’d make himself available at night when I needed him. These past few shifts, however, I’ve texted him before leaving the restaurant asking if he was available and he would say yes. As soon as I would call him, though, he’d tell me he’d either playing video or board games with friends, or hanging out playing pool/doing other things.

I felt badly that I was interrupting his game and I wanted to give him an out. There have been multiple times these past few closing shifts where he’s been busy doing things with his friends so he’s inconveniencing them. I expressed some concern for my safety to him and that I’d feel a lot safer if I was on the phone connected with him. I think it’s not fair to me that I would tell him ahead of time that I would like him to talk to me at the time I’d get out and he would agree, but then when it comes time for me to call him he’d be involved with doing something else and clearly not wanting to talk. It would be different if I would just call him out of the blue while he was with his friends, but before every shift I’ve told him I’d need him in a few hours, and he hasn’t set aside that time.

He’s done this at least four times now, and last night he did it again and it really bugged me. I called him last night and he was playing pool with friends. He said, oh I’m playing this game right now, can I call you back? After we went back and forth for a bit he hung up. Shortly afterwards I was approached by a creepy homeless guy. Luckily after I told the guy to back off he did after a few seconds, but he followed me for about a block before turning back around. I know that I probably wasn’t in any real danger, but I got really spooked by the experience. What if the guy was a lot more dedicated to getting money off of me than this guy was? What if I was attacked? Sometimes I think that maybe I’m just overreacting and that I’m probably going to be safe, but I think the fact that I expressed a bit of concern to my boyfriend and that I would feel a lot better if he’d be on the phone with me and he’s disregarding that is extremely irritating. When I asked him the past few times why he didn’t set aside the time like I asked, he said that “he forgot.”

What should I tell him? I’m afraid that he thinks that I’m overreacting about the area and that I would probably be fine which is why he’s disregarding my requests to have him on the phone. What do you people think?

tl;dr Boyfriend ignored my requests to have him call me while walking home late at night even though I told him I’d feel safer if he’d be on the phone with me.

If you were to look at my bookshelf you’d notice a few things. One would probably be that there are way too many toys for an adult. Another would be that 85% of the books are all by the same author; Dean Koontz.

Though a large number of his novels dip into the fantastic themes of the supernatural, extraterrestrial, or genetic research; others do deal with more “realistic” themes of obsessed murders, psychological conditions and glorified drama.

If anything, one thing I have always appreciate from his work are the characters. You can identify with them, one way or another. Whether the story is about a short order cook who can see the dead, a scrabble playing smart dog, or a pair of New Orleans detectives chasing Victor Frankenstein; you still find some way to connect.

One of Dean’s more realistic story-lines comes from a book titled ‘The Husband’. In this story the life of an ordinary gardener, Mitch, is turned upside-down when his wife is kidnapped. Her abductors have given Mitch 60 hours to come up with $2 millions dollars and they will give her back.

This is a story about how far you’ll go for love. What are your limits? Is there anything that could stop you from protecting someone you love?

Mitch is someone we all can relate to on one level or another. He’s like an every-man. He isn’t some uber-cop. He isn’t specially trained in arm-to-arm combat. He doesn’t have super powers. He is just a man who loves his wife.

So, I pose the same similar questions to you dear Lemonvibers. How far do you think you’d be willing to go for love? Be it platonic, familial, or romantic. Has your love for someone ever been tested?

If so, we want to hear your story.

I’ve been engaged for about a month and a half now, and I’m completely ecstatic about it. P and I have been in an LDR for two years now, and we’ll both be moving to a new city together in a couple of months since his job is taking him there. We are so excited about starting a new life together, and the new city is in between the two cities we live in now, so we’re still within a few hours of our friends.

The issue is with one of my bridesmaids. She’s practically my best friend, but I feel like she’s more concerned about me “leaving her” than she is happy for me. She thinks P and I are a good match, and she likes to talk about how we’re so weird and perfect for each other, but almost every day she shouts “Damnit, P!” because she’s angry that he’s “taking me away from her.” I try to remind her that even if he hadn’t proposed, we would still be moving together this fall, but she just can’t stop thinking about our engagement as something that is bad for her. We’re very close, and I’m sad to be leaving her too, but I think it’s crazy to expect me to plan my life around hers. I also think she might be a little jealous, because since our engagement, she’s made some comments about how she thought she would be married with kids by now.

I’m very frustrated with her comments by now. I don’t want to directly confront her about them, because I know she’s just genuinely expressing her own hurt. But she’s starting to make me feel bad for doing something completely normal, when it really has nothing to do with her. I want to be able to be excited about ending the distance and about getting married, but whenever the topic comes up with her, she turns it into something sad and horrible. Sometimes she’ll even say something negative out of the blue while we’re having fun together because she realizes that we won’t be able to spend so much time together when I move. Should I continue trying to ignore her comments, understand her feelings, and make empathetic comments about how I’ll miss her too? Or should I address her comments? And if so, how can I do that while being sensitive to her feelings and letting her know that I value my time with her?

So, I’ve been single for a couple of years now- by my own choice- due to things I realized about myself that weren’t conducive to any sort of long-term goals. In short, I saw a lot of things in myself I disliked, and decided to take a break so I could address those things inside causing me to sabotage myself in relationships.

Now, 2 years later, I’m thinking I’m ready to start up again. But, over the past 2 years of digging, analyzing, and pretty much shutting myself down to the idea of being with another person, it’s tough to feel comfortable venturing forth into the waters again, so to speak. I also don’t drink anymore, so that in itself presents another challenge and reason for me to talk myself out of it, because previously that was the thing to do when meeting guys. Any advice on any of the above concerns? I should specify I’m a female, early 30s if that helps give context.

A few years ago I met this girl and we became very good friends. So fast forwards to now, and we’re still really good friends, but I’ve been considering asking her out. The only thing I fear is that it could ruin our friendship. I’m feeling very confused so could someone please help?

Hey all,

Since a few years I am trying to get out of my shell in terms of women. I looked up all the PUA lecture etc. and really made some progress in terms of approaching random women and te like.

But here is the trick, I have the impression that because of my psychological condition I am reaching a ceiling. PDD_NOS lies within the autism spectrum but is really just a bin where they throw in all conditions that cannot really be classified in the other categories and might not be so severe as real Autism or Asperger’s syndrome.

That being said, my problem is eerily specific and lurking and posting on other forums still leaves me in the dark. The problem for me with making contact is not so much making contact itself (which is just average, not that great but better than it used to be) nor that the opposite sex is not attracted to me but the problem lies with me. With my mind.

Even though the PDD-NOS diagnosis is some kind of rest term (hence the not-otherwise-specified at the end) there are some real psychological conditions that are common. One is that neurological information (especially social information) does not get “ingrained” into the brain. Normally people develop neurological “short-cuts” when they encounter a certain situation more often and learn to respond to it. With people with my condition and even more so with more severe forms of Autism this does not happen and there is always some sort of “delay.”

That being said, my problem is if for instance I’m at a party and start chatting up with a girl I know or a stranger, she might be interested or she may not. If she’s interested and tries to communicate that to me, my mind has a hard time picking that up. Especially when drinks are involved. The result is that I end up doing nothing or get too blunt. Under normal social circumstances I am just fine dealing with people but even for people without such a psychogical conditions things get hard and confucing when trying to step things up.

It can get incredibly frustrating because I know I could get more succes and have a joyful love-life like anybody else. I’m also aware that I should not blame everything on my psychological condition and should go out there but the thing is that it’s always either way for me. There is hardly any room for subtlety because in the heat of the moment that does not exist for me. Of course, in hindsight I would do everything right but there are just too many “errors in the signals” for me to deal with it.

So most of the time, if the moment is right I do nothing, if the moment is not there I start trying things and get them annoyed.
None of the regular dating advice really delved into it and none of the information for people with an autism-spectrum-syndrome deals with it because it basicly repeats the standard dating tips.

I was hoping that maybe some of the readers encountered this or that I just get some words of encouragement or acknowledgement from others. Or maybe some of the “gurus” have some general words of advice that deal with being subtle.