Since a few years I am trying to get out of my shell in terms of women. I looked up all the PUA lecture etc. and really made some progress in terms of approaching random women and te like.
But here is the trick, I have the impression that because of my psychological condition I am reaching a ceiling. PDD_NOS lies within the autism spectrum but is really just a bin where they throw in all conditions that cannot really be classified in the other categories and might not be so severe as real Autism or Asperger’s syndrome.
That being said, my problem is eerily specific and lurking and posting on other forums still leaves me in the dark. The problem for me with making contact is not so much making contact itself (which is just average, not that great but better than it used to be) nor that the opposite sex is not attracted to me but the problem lies with me. With my mind.
Even though the PDD-NOS diagnosis is some kind of rest term (hence the not-otherwise-specified at the end) there are some real psychological conditions that are common. One is that neurological information (especially social information) does not get “ingrained” into the brain. Normally people develop neurological “short-cuts” when they encounter a certain situation more often and learn to respond to it. With people with my condition and even more so with more severe forms of Autism this does not happen and there is always some sort of “delay.”
That being said, my problem is if for instance I’m at a party and start chatting up with a girl I know or a stranger, she might be interested or she may not. If she’s interested and tries to communicate that to me, my mind has a hard time picking that up. Especially when drinks are involved. The result is that I end up doing nothing or get too blunt. Under normal social circumstances I am just fine dealing with people but even for people without such a psychogical conditions things get hard and confucing when trying to step things up.
It can get incredibly frustrating because I know I could get more succes and have a joyful love-life like anybody else. I’m also aware that I should not blame everything on my psychological condition and should go out there but the thing is that it’s always either way for me. There is hardly any room for subtlety because in the heat of the moment that does not exist for me. Of course, in hindsight I would do everything right but there are just too many “errors in the signals” for me to deal with it.
So most of the time, if the moment is right I do nothing, if the moment is not there I start trying things and get them annoyed.
None of the regular dating advice really delved into it and none of the information for people with an autism-spectrum-syndrome deals with it because it basicly repeats the standard dating tips.
I was hoping that maybe some of the readers encountered this or that I just get some words of encouragement or acknowledgement from others. Or maybe some of the “gurus” have some general words of advice that deal with being subtle.