To ask or not to ask

A few years ago I met this girl and we became very good friends. So fast forwards to now, and we’re still really good friends, but I’ve been considering asking her out. The only thing I fear is that it could ruin our friendship. I’m feeling very confused so could someone please help?

9 thoughts on “To ask or not to ask

  1. Dennis Hong says:

    [“Ruining our friendship” is the most common concern in this type of situation. But, come on, is it really a legitimate concern? Or just fear of rejection?

    Look at it this way: How great a friendship can you really have if you’re secretly pining for her every time you hang out with her “as good friends”?

  2. Sabrina says:

    [Risk it! Yes, you could ruin your great friendship. Or you could find a really amazing partner. If she says no, she doesn’t like you that way, it’s going to be awkward for awhile. But if you’re good enough friends, the friendship will recover. Good luck!!

  3. Happy Pants says:

    [Do it. If she says no, then things are awkward for a bit, but you take some distance and things will eventually go back to normal. If she says yes, even better. Not to be cliché and all, but life’s too short to not take that risk.

    You do have to be aware, though, that there is the possibility that she’ll say no. Have you thought about how you might feel about that? You need to be able to accept that and move on, if that’s what happens.

  4. Solstice says:

    [You might as well go for it, or else you’d always wonder “what if”? Just be prepared for possible repercussions if she doesn’t feel the same way you do.

  5. Jay says:

    [If it’s been a few years and you haven’t approached this topic with her already, it’s probably too late. Women seem to have a time limit for going there with a friend. You might get lucky with this one, but odds are you will remain a friend to her.

  6. Matt Sanchelli says:

    [Do it. Take the “risk”.

    As mentioned above, the potential bombing of “What if?” could end up following you (particularly during lonelier moments) and you’ll only make yourself further depressed.

    But on a more positive note, if your friendship is really that strong you really aren’t risking much of anything by letting her know how you feel. I’ve been on both sides of this situation…being the one expressing feelings to a friend and being the person having feelings professed to.

    When the feelings weren’t mutual it was expressed in a good, tactful, considerate way and the friendship continued (with maybe a day or two of awkwardness).

    All in all…you really don’t have anything to lose at all. If her feelings aren’t the same then you simply have to respect that and try to move on. It sucks…yes, but feelings aren’t always mutual. If they were then there would be a lot more people dating and in relationships right now; therefore eliminating the needs for awesome sites like this one.

  7. lilredbmw says:

    [I am wondering if she has ever given you any clues that she might be interested in you as more than a friend? Does she ever flirt, etc? If she has, then go for it. Ask her out. If she hasn’t, well then, ask her out anyway! If she says no, then apologize if you just made things awkward, but let her know that you are cool with still being friends. But, wait. Are you okay with remaining friends?

  8. piffles says:

    [Ask yourself this question: Do I want this person in my life regardless of the outcome of asking them out? I’m going to guess the answer is yes. Since that’s the case, are you prepared to either take it to the next level, or take it back a notch? That’s really something to be considered if you ask her. I know how easy it is to get caught up in the idea of how a relationship would be because you know someone in a friend-context, but the reality could be very different.

    Friendship and dating a friend is tricky for this reason, but some of the most intimate relationships spring from friendships, so I say ask but be aware it could go either way. I think it’s worse to not ask, and remain friends with her while she’s dating other guys…. that’s a tough situation. Or the opposite, you dating other people and having feelings for her…But, it could be that your feelings simmer on their own, and you both date other people and remain friends.

    There are a lot of possibilities, but bottom line is that you won’t ever know unless you ask. Sometimes just knowing (even if it’s a “no”) is enough. This way you won’t have lingering doubts on the subject. What happens afterwards is up to you.

  9. AboDabo says:

    [I had a good, platonic friend of mine recently express interest in me, and I was impressed by the grace with which he did it. The way he asked was totally flattering without being creepy, and gave me an easy out that enabled us to maintain our great friendship.

    He basically just said that ‘Hey, however you feel about this is fine, but I like you. I’ve been hesitant to say anything because I think our friendship is so great and I really want to maintain that either way, but I mostly just needed to get this off my chest and let you know how I feel.’

    And I was easily leave it at, ‘Friend, you’re great and I so value our friendship.’ And from then on our friendship continued as normal.

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