Reentry Nerves

So, I’ve been single for a couple of years now- by my own choice- due to things I realized about myself that weren’t conducive to any sort of long-term goals. In short, I saw a lot of things in myself I disliked, and decided to take a break so I could address those things inside causing me to sabotage myself in relationships.

Now, 2 years later, I’m thinking I’m ready to start up again. But, over the past 2 years of digging, analyzing, and pretty much shutting myself down to the idea of being with another person, it’s tough to feel comfortable venturing forth into the waters again, so to speak. I also don’t drink anymore, so that in itself presents another challenge and reason for me to talk myself out of it, because previously that was the thing to do when meeting guys. Any advice on any of the above concerns? I should specify I’m a female, early 30s if that helps give context.

6 thoughts on “Reentry Nerves

  1. Solstice says:

    [I agree with Happy Pants. Focus on making new friends, and potential dates will follow. That’s more natural and often less awkward than specifically meeting up with people for dates. That can be nervewracking as it is, much less after not dating for 2 years. Think about why you’re returning to dating and how exciting it can be to get to know another person, rather than focusing on the reasons why you didn’t date for 2 years.

  2. Happy Pants says:

    [I think that since you’ve got some hesitation about going back into the dating world, you might want to just get back into the more social world and see what happens. By that I don’t mean that you’re antisocial, but I mean I think you should put yourself in more social situations and expose yourself to more opportunities. Maybe take some dancing lessons, or cooking lessons, or go to a book reading… There are a lot of activities you can take part in that don’t involve drinking. Plus, I see those kinds of activities more as friend-making than boyfriend/girlfriend-making, which I think might also help ease your fears of venturing into the waters.

  3. AKchic says:

    [There’s nothing wrong with not drinking. Even if you DO meet in a bar of some sort, you can drink soda/water and simply say that you are driving home.

    Everyone has their own reasons for getting out of the dating pool sans partner. Now that you are considering the idea of dipping your toes back in, may I suggest the wading pool? It doesn’t matter why you don’t drink. What matters is the kind of partner you’re looking for. You’ve been out of the “scene” for 2 years. What did you learn? The kind of guy you want or the kind you DON’T want? Your previous dating habits? Your own insecurities?

    Let your friends know you want to get back in the dating pool. Let them help you find dates. Keep the dates casual. Flea markets, meals, museums, movies, whatever. Do not go home with a guy right away. If the guy is interested, he’ll meet you on your own terms.

  4. theattack says:

    [I think you might be putting too much pressure on the idea of reentering the dating world. It’s not as if you will suddenly be totally inundated with dating issues when you start again. I think you should take a deep breath and then take it slow. Just allow yourself to start noticing potential dates, flirt a little, and let it happen naturally. And if naturally for you doesn’t include alcohol, then surround yourself with social activities that don’t include it. Look around at the things you’re interested in and get more involved! You’ll find other people in those places who won’t expect you to drink.

  5. Claudia says:

    [As someone who hibernates quite often from the dating world, I can feel your pain. Typically when I jump back into the dating thing, it all goes horribly wrong. It’s when I ease back into having a social life and doing the activities out in the world that I enjoy that it works out for the better.

  6. karlos says:

    [As weird as it sounds to say there are other ways to meet people besides drinking, I never thought I’d actually get to type that sentence, awesome.

    Other people have mentioned getting to know people first, which is probably the best advice. If you’re nervous about dating, ease yourself into social situations by just hanging out with people you know. If you’re nervous about that, just hang around people you don’t know. If you’re nervous about that, go on youtube, watch and any random video and look at the comment section, then you’ll realise you’re still way more socially functional than a whole bunch of other people. Which should give you all the delicious confidence you need.

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