Remembering sex with exes

This is an uncomfortable thing to talk about. I love my girlfriend and we’ve been together for almost ten years. I understand that people are going to say that in relationships you have to work to keep things from going stale. But that’s not what this is about.

In recent months I’ve been feeling nostalgic and revisiting old hang out spots. This brings up memories of old girlfriends from basically another life. But the memories that are giving me trouble are the sex ones.

Do people go back and replay these thoughts so vividly? Even if they aren’t accurate memories and more partial ones with wishful thinking/imagination thrown in, they still come up. I’m embarrassed but I’ve been masturbating off of these memories. Not more than usual and not substituting sex. More like substituting internet porn.

I don’t want any of these partners again, but I still have these thoughts or fantasies. Is it some sort of violation if it already happened? I don’t want to say anything to my girlfriend because it probably would bother her.

Even more disturbing to me is that I’m thinking back 15 years and more to when I’m still in high school. So these memories are now of high school girls. I’m not into that, I’m an adult. But am I perverted because I’m remembering something inappropriate now that was appropriate at the time? This isn’t sarcasm, I’m actually concerned.

8 thoughts on “Remembering sex with exes

  1. Claudia says:

    [As long as you aren’t wanting to hook up with these people or anyone other than your gf, I think you are fine. Also as long as it’s not interfering with sexy times and keeping your lady happy.

  2. Solstice says:

    [It’s normal to have fantasies so I don’t see anything wrong with it, and I agree with Margaret Charles, I wouldn’t mention it to your girlfriend. Some thoughts and fantasies should be kept private.

  3. MargieCharles says:

    [I don’t think there’s anything wrong with what you’re doing. I think you’re feeling nostalgic. I definitely don’t want to get back with my ex, but I remembered a song the other day that I used to use as an alarm on my cell phone so I wouldn’t miss curfew, and it brought back a lot of sweet memories. I think it’s only natural to get some enjoyment out of remembering a time in your life when you were happy. It’s like it was a completely different era, and you’re looking back on it with years more experience.

    So long as you know you’re not secretly pining after any of your old lovers, I don’t think it’s anything to worry about. The girls may be underage in your memories, but so were you at the time. It’s not like you’re seeking out high school girls as a 30 year old man or something.

    All that being said, I would not recommend mentioning this to your girlfriend. Some things are better left unsaid, and I think it would take waaaaaaaaaaaay too much explaining to properly convey to her what it means and what you’re feeling. It’s better to just leave it unmentioned.

  4. AKchic says:

    [There is nothing wrong with what you’re doing. I wouldn’t go as far as mentioning your wanking fantasy fodder to the girlfriend.

    My SO isn’t the greatest in bed. But, I’m the kind of person that believes that sex can be independent from the relationship and enjoy what we have. I can think of multiple people that I’ve been with that are technically better suited in the bedroom department. Does it mean I’d drop him for someone else? No. It simply means I have experiences outside of our relationship, before our relationship. Revisiting those memories isn’t bad.

    At 10 years in, you’re probably feeling that “itch” to shake it up a bit. Revisiting those old sexual memories is a good way to do it. You aren’t cheating, just playing an old, favored movie in your mind. I wouldn’t doubt your girlfriend does the same thing from time to time.

  5. Happy Pants says:

    [Everyone remembers sex with exes, or past sexual experiences that were notably great (is that repetitively redundant?). It’s fine as long as you a) aren’t confusing sexual nostalgia with feelings, b) keep it the hell to yourself, c) don’t accidentally call out your ex’s name in the throes of passion (albeit less passion than previous relationships), and d) write down these fantasies for LemonVibers to read. And… for science. Yes, for science.

  6. karlos says:

    [I remember when I was in school they handed out a pamphlet about sex. Inside it contained the phrase “fantasies are perfectly natural”.

    As we all know, the only pieces of papers that lie are ones with pictures of politicians on them, so that’s advice you can trust right there.

  7. Dennis Hong says:

    [Meh. I myself am always reminiscing about that hot threesome I had with Christina Applegate and Alyssa Milano back in 1995, so… I feel ya.

  8. Matt Sanchelli says:

    [I don’t think there’s anything wrong with what you’ve explained above.

    As you, and others, have said in here…you aren’t “lusting” for these women from your past…just simply remembering those moments. They brought you pleasure then and when you remember them (vividly or not) your body will most likely remember those ‘oh-so-good-feelings’.

    Think of it like having a really tasty burger at a local dive. Then the place closes down. You can no longer have that burger. You then find another place that has an equally tasty burger with some differences. It makes you remember that “lost” burger. You aren’t cheating on the burger you’re eating now…just remembering what the “lost” burger fulfilled for you during that previous time in your life.

    And I completely agree with Margaret above regarding your high school memories. There is nothing wrong there. Your memories are from that time and, as she said, you were younger during those experiences too.

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