This is an uncomfortable thing to talk about. I love my girlfriend and we’ve been together for almost ten years. I understand that people are going to say that in relationships you have to work to keep things from going stale. But that’s not what this is about.
In recent months I’ve been feeling nostalgic and revisiting old hang out spots. This brings up memories of old girlfriends from basically another life. But the memories that are giving me trouble are the sex ones.
Do people go back and replay these thoughts so vividly? Even if they aren’t accurate memories and more partial ones with wishful thinking/imagination thrown in, they still come up. I’m embarrassed but I’ve been masturbating off of these memories. Not more than usual and not substituting sex. More like substituting internet porn.
I don’t want any of these partners again, but I still have these thoughts or fantasies. Is it some sort of violation if it already happened? I don’t want to say anything to my girlfriend because it probably would bother her.
Even more disturbing to me is that I’m thinking back 15 years and more to when I’m still in high school. So these memories are now of high school girls. I’m not into that, I’m an adult. But am I perverted because I’m remembering something inappropriate now that was appropriate at the time? This isn’t sarcasm, I’m actually concerned.