Ok, sorry guys for posting again so soon, but I’m trying to work through another communication hurdle, and would appreciate any help! So, as mentioned in the blurb before, I’m in an LDR. I’ve come to realize I have needs (I do!) but I am having troubles actually admitting I have them without feeling selfish.

I realize, in this LDR, I need affection. I don’t know if this is some self-esteem problem.. But, I come from a super affectionate family. Hugs, kisses, “I love you” after hanging up after any phone conversation. My boyfriend? Not so much. I don’t think I’ve seen his family members and him hug at all.. Or say I love you to each other. I’m very sure they love each other, just aren’t as physical with it, which is fine!

In person, I really feel very satisfied, as we can hand hold, kiss, hug, etc. But now with this distance, I feel I’m lacking.

Now, this isn’t a “fix it” question. I realize my boyfriend and I are different in how we express or need affection, and that’s perfectly great. I just don’t know how to ask for a little more…? Within a reasonable range? I don’t want to change him, I just want more…affection that manifests through the distance.

I’m trying to pinpoint what exactly I appreciate that he already does that is affectionate. The I love you’s are fine, but maybe hearing that he actually misses me? Or pet names? Or a good night text if we haven’t talked? I do that sometimes, and would love if he did that too.

I really just don’t know how to approach this, because I don’t want it to seem like I’m criticizing him! I also feel like asking for more affection is asking for too much sometimes, because I know how shy he can be with emotions. I know he loves me, but it’s nice to hear it expressed sometimes, you know? (Or maybe you don’t. Maybe this is just my self-esteem. GAH.) Many thanks for putting up with my neurotic self.

I’ve been on a few first dates lately, and it got me thinking about what I typically wear for them. If it’s someone I met online and don’t know if I’ll like them or not, I usually wear jeans/capris and a cute top, but not a revealing one. If it’s someone I’ve met in real life and know I’m interested in, then I try to make more of an effort to look good, and possibly wear a top that is more low-cut. Sometimes I wear heels, or other times cute flats. Cute boots in the colder months. Most of my first dates have been to casual places, so I’ve never worn a dress or skirt.

So, what do you usually wear on a first date? Do you have a go-to outfit?

Hello! This is my first time on here. Nice to meet you all.
Ahh.. I don’t really know who to turn to on this. I need an objective standpoint, because my personal friends don’t have much advice besides “Get over it, and talk more.” (Also, I’m sorry this is so long, please bear with me!)

A little back story. I’m 20, and in university, currently. My boyfriend is 22 and off at grad school, which he just started about a month ago. I’m so very proud of him! We’re 2 1/2 hours apart, which is not truly “long” by others standards, I’m sure, but it’s long enough for gas money/time/etc.

(We just celebrated our one year anniversary this past weekend, which was wonderful. ^_^) I met him here at college at a concert two years ago, and it’s been great. He’s my first “serious” boyfriend, and first a lot of things, and I’m grateful I’ve had such a respectful guy to be my first.

See, towards the end of summer, we decided to try long distance. I knew he was going to grad school, and although I was so very, very nervous, I decided “Hey, I’d rather see him once a month than never” and we agreed to brave the distance. It’s been about a month an a half.

A flurry of terrible thoughts continue to depress me in this first long distance experience. 1) My insecurities get the best of me. His grad department is 90% girls. Intelligent, all about his studies, girls. And I trust my boyfriend, I do, but no one can control or stop attraction. A girl friend of mine in a LDR told me that it’s easy for people to develop crushes on others while far away. I don’t really know what she wanted me to do with that info. It just made me feel even more nervous. I had a dream last night that my boyfriend told me that he liked another girl in his department. And I know dreams don’t predict the future, but this is obviously becoming something that’s bothering me. I DON’T want to be the girl who is jealous, possessive, and constantly relays my fears to him. I can’t and won’t control him, but I can control my actions. But what can I do for myself?

2) I feel, sometimes, especially the times like this, that I’m not cut out for long distance. Being in the same city, literally a 2 minute drive away, for 2 years was wonderful, but this abrupt change is really…hard. I feel like a TERRIBLE person saying that. I think “All these other internet/IRL people have had or are in successful LDRs! Why is it so hard for me?” Am I being a bad girlfriend, perhaps? Is terrible that I thought of taking a break because I can’t deal with the distance? Everything is so fine, but this distance is taking a toll on me.

3)Communication is not my forte. I can feel myself becoming resentful at myself (for not communicating that I want more talking time right now, but don’t want to ask because he’s busy being a grad student) and resentful at him, because I start making a laundry list of “I said I missed him more, I called him more often, etc.” and this is not healthy. I just don’t know what to do!

We both have similar communication styles, which is really quite avoidant. Perhaps I should have a talk about my needs, but ultimately, I feel that’s selfish.

4) Lastly, we have no clear end date. He’ll be in grad school for 2 years. I’ll be graduating in 2 years. And if that was the end of that, I’d be happy to be with him in 2 years. But he wants to pursue an MD/PhD somewhere, and I have to get an internship and Masters. I don’t know where either, but I’ll go where I can get money! So, really, we both might be in very different areas later to pursue our careers. At this moment in time, we both want to pursue careers first and foremost, and hopefully our relationship will follow! But it makes it hard to not have a real end date, which makes it feel like I’m in LD limbo.

I’d love to have more visits too! I feel that would half way solve my problem of insecurities and feelings of distance. But he’s busy with school, I’m busy with school, and we both have separate lives we want to build with friends and hobbies, and I feel like if we visited more than 2 weekends a month, our time would be consumed by each other. (Wait…is that a bad thing? I don’t know. AGH.)

I don’t know what kind of advice I’m asking for here. I’d like someone to tell me that I’m not crazy. Please. Because I feel like I am when I get trapped in my own thoughts. Thank you.

Have you ever stayed in a relationship with someone who wasn’t in love with you hoping that they just needed more time? Not everyone falls in love at the same pace and in the same way. But at what point do you exit, concluding that this person will never love you in the way that you need or desire?

(Disclosure: I read this on Facebook and thought it would be a great discussion to have here)

I am of the belief that people in a serious, long-term, committed relationship shouldn’t keep secrets from each other. I’m not talking about stupid gossip, or sharing everything you ever did before you met each other, that’s just dumb. But freaking out every time someone puts away the other’s laundry because that means they’re going through your drawers. Or needing to hang over your SO’s shoulder while they’re using your phone, even if you say you have nothing to hide.

I’m just curious where people draw the privacy boundary. And if your SO has strict boundaries, does that make you nervous? Does it make you want to break them down?

I guess the root of this question is how much do normal people trust their SO? Is it normal to have a little apprehension?

It’s been a while since we’ve had one of these.

The following profile is from OkCupid (www.okcupid.com). What works for you? What doesn’t? What needs improvement? What is perfect the way it is?

My self-summary
At work I’m a “dress-up” type of guy; button down shirts, ties (where else am I going to wear them?). At home/off-the-clock I’m a jeans, t-shirt and occasional hat type of guy.

During the actual work week I am somewhat of a homebody. I’m a big TV/movie person so I enjoy using that medium to decompress and relax. Plus, the variety of characters and stories inspire and intrigue me.

I’m not the type to sleep in (even on weekends). Typically, I’m the most productive early in the morning. And by productive sometimes it means I’ll start a load of laundry and then kick back on the couch while watching TV, other times I’ll go out for a long run and take care of errands (all before lunch).

My typical weekend usually consists of going to Panera, enjoying a coffee and a cobblestone, and either working on my computer (writing) or reading a book.

I’m moving into a new apartment within the next month that allow pets; thus opening the door to fulfilling the dream of being a dog owner again after nearly 12 years.

What I’m doing with my life
The bulk of it revolves around my considerations for a career change and the best way to go about making those “dreams” a reality. If I had to name the “perfect” situation, I would love to have my own coffee shop/bakery (pseudo-diner).

In the meantime, I keep occupied with friends, family and hobbies; photography, writing, running.

I’m really good at
Cooking and baking. My co-workers get the most benefit from this and they are eternally grateful (most of the time). One of them even paid me a $1 for a chocolate bacon home-made brownie once.

The first things people usually notice about me
Too cliche to say eyes and smile?

Most people say I have a very distinct laugh and after talking to me they will usually comment on how welcoming and easy I am to talk to.

Favorite books, movies, shows, music and food
I have been a faithful Dean Koontz reader for years but occasionally throw in a James Patterson or memoir for good measure from time to time.

Horror and comic book flicks are my over-all favorites. If you have the privilege of knowing me during October I usually try to have numerous ‘horror’ nights and screenings.

While I don’t watch an alarming number of shows I can very easily be sucked into a story-line with little effort. Looking back I seem to be a following Nathan Fillion’s career (Buffy, Firefly, Drive, Castle). I don’t watch many comedic sitcoms; and I’ll give any show a fair shake if it involves mystery or a supernatural element.

I’m a foodie. I love food and coming up with my own variations on recipes.

The six things I could never do without
My niece and nephew are going to be considered a single unit, now that I know them I don’t ever want my life to be without them.

The dog I will eventually adopt.

My legs. (because I like running)

My multitude of cameras.

The option between warm or iced coffee.

Music. It simply inspires. Any moment can become amplified with the right song.

I spend a lot of time thinking about
Future photography/video/writing projects.

Currently I’m trying to finish editing a short comedy I shot a couple summers back. Then, I’m considering looking for people to collaborate with to begin writing a short movie musical.

The most private thing I’m will to admit
When I go into Toys R Us (shopping for my niece or nephew) I can usually find things I want…and sometimes walk out with.

I’m looking for
*Girls who like guys
*Ages 26–34
*Near me
*Who are single
*For new friends, short-term dating, activity partners

You should message me if
…you’re simply looking to meet someone new. I’m not particularly looking for anything really serious on the relationship front right now but am always welcome to meeting, talking and experiencing new things with new people. My perspective is relationships, worthwhile relationships, take time to build and grow. They all need to begin somewhere right?

So this isn’t news but rather something that’s been going on for awhile.

My wife will share sex details with a friend of hers. They don’t try to hide this at all, they’ll talk about it in front of me, with like, detail and stuff.

This is awkward, right? I mean, shouldn’t it be?

I have been dating a really cool girl for about 3 months now. Things seem to be going really well. Until a few days ago…

My girlfriend works at a large company and befriended a male co-worker, who eventually asked her out. He asked her out before we were ever an item. She declined, because she wasn’t interested in him. He is too old for her(in her opinion) and she wasn’t cool with the fact he has a kid. But, they still work together and remained friends. And now he knows she is dating me.

The other day she let me know that she was going to play lazer tag with this guy and his kid next weekend(they haven’t gone yet). She said she was just really interested in lazer tag. Well, I could take her to play lazer tag if she really just wants to play lazer tag. I really am not cool with it. It just seems weird to me. I don’t know if I am over-reacting or if I am justified in feeling like this is odd. What are your opinions on this??

So, what do you do when you find out that the person you thought you wanted to spend the rest of your life with tells you that they are only moderately attracted to you…but that they can still see themselves marrying you? I mean…what? How do you get over that? Or do you just walk away? I’m losing my shit, here. Help.

So I’m still thinking about this guy that I had a wonderful time with but who never got back to me. Obviously he isn’t the right person for me if he didn’t get back to me. But in my head I keep thinking about what things would be like if we did date, if we did try to make things work and see what happened…I don’t know him well enough to call him “the one that got away”, but it made me think about that premise. Is there anyone who you wished it had worked out with, or who you wanted a true shot with, or who you could’ve had a shot with but blew it? Is there someone who you still think about whenever you meet someone new, and you compare them to each other? I just feel like anyone I happen to date now, I’m going to compare to this guy that I’m pining after and think about how much more awesome that guy is. Laaaaaaame, I know. And if you have advice for forgetting and moving on…let me know. I know it’s easy to say “But he didn’t get back to you! He’s not interested! Move on!” but it’s much easier said than done.