We’re all familiar with this particular scenario (or one like it):

You’re at the grocery store picking up some fresh produce for your homemade marinara sauce (because we all make our own pasta sauce) when you look up and dent-free tomatoes are no longer able to maintain your focus.

Trapped in your scope is an absolutely stunning woman (or for you ladies, handsome man). For no reason what-so-ever your breath has been stolen. You coyly approach the person and pretend you didn’t see them there and “accidentally” run into their shopping cart.

Conversation begins as you apologize for being so clumsy and continue your banter based on items I noticed in her/his cart.

Both of you have quirky, yet non-threatening, friends that approach and aids in the now flirtatious endeavors.

You exchange numbers, go on a your first date, fall in love, get married, and now have an interesting story to tell your children.

Well…that’s at least how it works out according to 1 out of 20 movies released by Hollywood; more if you count Direct-to-Video titles.

It doesn’t necessarily happen that way in real life; or at least in my life. I’ve never been one to “force” conversation with someone I see while out running errands. I typically need to have a reason to approach someone and begin a conversation (a legitimate one).

So, this my question to you:
How do you strike up conversation with someone you otherwise technically have no existing reason to talk to?

I’ve often heard of people meeting at various stores, coffee shops, gyms, etc., and somehow by the end of, what could have been no more than, a 5 minute conversation phone numbers are exchanged.

I am not the idea of finding something common to talk about to get the ball rolling. Some examples being:

-Comment on the book they are reading
-Ask them for advice on a workout/fitness program
-Comment on a particular item they seem to be thinking about buying

A lot of times it comes to paying attention to the details around you (and them).

But take all of that out of the equation and consider this:

What if the only factor that has you interested is based purely on a physical attraction level, and perhaps limited exposure to their personality (over hearing a conversation or extremely limited interaction)?

Say, you find the barista at your local coffee shop cute and want to ask for their number. You have only the that limited interaction to work with. Aside from trying to establish yourself as a regular over time, what “tactics” would you use?

Wow, I really hope this all made sense. If it doesn’t, feel free to kick me.

Ok – so Im back to talk about my ex because I need some advice. yay LemonVibe! 🙂

I am a self proclaimed writer, finding all my thoughts and emotions can be better left on the screen in front of me..very soul cleansing. With that being said, I wrote my ex an email, after his ignorance and continual denial of the entire Pocahontas affair, to get out everything I needed to say to him, which he wouldn’t allow me to do to his face cause he’s a coward.

Last week, I ceremoniously deleted the man from my phone, my contacts, everything. Realizing, I was never going to get an answer or the truth from him, I needed to move on.

Last night, I get a “I’m such an idiot:( I hate myself for what I’ve done to you :(” text from a number that is all too familiar. I didn’t respond and thats followed with a “Im so dumb 😦 I can’t believe I’ve made you hurt. I promised you I would never hurt you.”

I waited for about 10 minutes, and then I responded, telling him I said everything I needed to say in the email I sent a couple weeks ago, and for once in my life I am speechless.

He wants to talk. He wants to set the record straight. I’ve already figured out everything about the situation on my own, because I’m the type that needs answers and I will find them on my own if they aren’t volunteered.

It was sick and twisted of me to feel joy at knowing that he was hurting. That he couldn’t get the weight off his chest about all this. I wanted him to hurt, and feel what I was feeling. Now, I know he is – and he finally wants to talk.

He wants to come clean to me, tell me everything, his side, finally. I need the closure. I am a closure person. I still am angry at Lost for how they ended the series…that was years ago.

So my dilemma — do I meet with him, have him tell me everything I already know, and Im sure some things I don’t, just to satisfy his need to get it off his chest?

Or – do I take the satisfaction of knowing that he hurts, and has a conscience, and make that my closure – leaving him to forever know I don’t forgive him; denying him a chance to have his story told, even though that’s what I’ve asked for all these months?

Gah.

Hi, the problem I’m having is complicated and would take a fair amount of writing to explain. I’ll try the best I can to explain myself well. Anyway, I met my current boyfriend (my first boyfriend actually) on the Bioware Social Network; a gamer social networking site for fans of Bioware’s video games. I joined only with the intention of discussing various games with people and finding out info about Bioware’s latest video games, this was nearly 2 years ago (I was 17). About a month after joining the network, I had a pretty substantial friendslist (some people I’m actually good friends with now) and then I friended my current boyfriend. Needless to say, one thing led to another and we ended up chatting online nearly everyday, we had ( and have ) a lot in common, we hit it off right away. Well, nearly 2 months went by and our relationship changed to one of friendship to one of being in love. I wasn’t naive, nor was I unaware of the dangers the internet can pose, and due to other personal issues I didn’t trust myself (or rather my feelings) when I started falling for someone I’d never met in person…I didn’t think it was possible to feel that way given the circumstances, especially since I knew from the get go that he lives in Denmark. In spite of all that though, I knew when he told me how he felt I couldn’t ignore my own feelings, I should give us a chance, with eyes open, and see what happens.

It’s now nearly 2 years later, we’re still together, we still love each other, I trust him and he’s a wonderful person, we talk on the phone a lot, chat on Skype and the BSN…but we still haven’t been able to meet in person 😦 …sometimes I wonder what kind of relationship we really have. The logical reason why we haven’t met is that we’re both poor, have very little money and both of us are having trouble finding work. I think mainly because we both have personal issues, and that has gotten in the way of us moving forward in seeing each other. Either way, we do talk honestly about this, not as often as I like but we do sometimes. And quite frankly, given all the stuff I’ve experienced in my life and how extremely emotional I can be sometimes, it’s a miracle we’re still together and that he hasn’t judged me or left me. We both have acceptance of each other I guess, which I think is a reason we’re still together. Plus it’s helped that both of our families are supportive.

Anyway, I digress, what I’m asking for advice is this…I honestly don’t know how long I’ll be able to last in this relationship without seeing him, on the one hand I think “I’ve waited this long, what’s a few more months? Maybe more?”, and on the other hand I think “It’s been almost 2 years, and neither have us have found a way to see each other yet…doesn’t that indicate something? Maybe it’s not meant to be.”. In the midst of all that though, I know much of my confusion of what to do (leave or stay) stems from deep personal issues (which I am working on, which mostly have to do with being abandoned by my father, repeatedly throughout my life. I don’t want to leave my boyfriend because of my fear and pain of past events, I am determined not to give into that, if I leave want to know it’s the right thing to do) I have that make me afraid of the relationship, afraid to leave, afraid to stay, knowing that if I leave I’ll regret it, but also knowing that if I stay it’ll hurt all the more if we break up in the future and the pain itself of being so far from him on top of other pain I have. I love him and he loves me…but how long can we last like this? When we’re thousands of miles and an ocean apart.

I’m really between a rock and a hard place tucked into a corner here…leave, stay, leave, stay….I want to make the right choice for both of us, and I know inevitably no one can know what that is except myself and him…but I’m having trouble knowing what the right thing to do is, stay and painfully wait for a future that may never happen? Or leave, knowing that’ll hurt just as much and knowing that I have given into my fear and pain? Sometimes I know that staying is the right thing, that given everything else, the fact that we’re still together and still love each other must mean this is something special and worth waiting just a little while longer for…and I don’t want to hurt him, leaving will also mean hurting him, not just myself, I really don’t want to do that if I can avoid it. But, sometimes I doubt whether that is the right choice in the long run, or just what I want to be right choice…Then again, who knows what the future holds? So much could happen that’ll change things, but right now I just want to make a choice about what to do without a doubt and not have personal dilemma’s over it all the time…which I can’t seem to do, I can’t seem to make a choice and stick to it without occasionally doubting myself. What should I do? I love him, but…is that enough to stay? A wide variety of advice would be helpful…thank-you.

Feeling blah de blah….

I need your fool proof ways to cheer yourself up when you’re down in the dumps!! GO….

My SO and I have been arguing a lot lately. Our child is part of an after school activity that is run by parent volunteers. These volunteers have no real respect for the parents of these kids. They have our phone numbers and emails, and we’re there every day to pick them up. But these volunteers don’t communicate any information to the parents. Times and dates change, money is due for things and attendance is mandatory for events but we find out often thru a facebook wall post in a group for the kids. In other words, things like “we need the kids here by 6” instead is “tell your parents that you need to be there at 6, ten year-olds. why aren’t any of the parents involved?”

It’s been brought up that the parents aren’t getting the communication. We’re paying for everything and driving them around, why don’t they call or email us?

Recently the kids won a contest to a different part of the country. We need to pay for hotels and flights. At the only parent meeting they’ve ever held, they asked us for a lot of money. I mentioned that we need more communication and that the facebook thing wasn’t working for everybody. I didn’t scream or lose my temper but I did say that we’ve asked for this before and it’s frustrating that they aren’t being accommodating. It takes 10 seconds to copy and paste info in an email from the facebook post. We’re all trying to be involved but we are missing information because of their lack of communicating with the parents.

They said no problem but then they called my SO to complain about me. She apologized on my behalf and I’ve since become the subject of gossip amongst them. No other parent backed me up, mind you, even tho I’ve talked with them about this before.

Last night was an impromptu meeting for parents. I left work late and could have made it if someone let me know. I found out about it again from the facebook, no phone call, no email. And my SO knew about it but wouldn’t tell me because she thought I would embarrass her again.

I’m upset and I’ve said that I’m mad. She has no idea why and says that I’m just being an asshole. Meanwhile these volunteers are excluding her from events as well. They invited her to chaperone for free. Then after taking time off work (both of us, someone needs to be home with the other kids) they changes their mind, she has to pay. And they’ve taken her off of any fundraising.

They’re taking out their childish stuff against me out on her. But I get pissed and I’m an asshole. What can I do? Just shut up and take it?

Hello there, I’m currently in a relationship with my girlfriend that started in September. We’ve known each other for about a year and are both in college at the moment. I’m slightly older about 22 and she’s two years younger. We are also both virgins and also relationship virgins.

Currently I’m finding that we’re both very busy and we see each other roughly about 1-3 times a week however more recently because of school work it’s been less. Recently, we have been having more serious talks. I had mentioned to her that I would like to have sex if she was ready, which she said she wasn’t because she wanted us to be in love or at least much closer to it. I mentioned that I felt like we should see each other more in order to get to that point. What usually restricts us is the amount of clubs she’s in 4-5. and the fact that I work. However she misunderstood me when i brought this up and when I tried to explain she kept saying that what I was saying doesn’t make sense based upon what I had just said. This frustrated me to no end and I felt like I should have called the whole thing off there becuase I’d been thinking about it BUT I realized I’d never thought about how I’d do it and I wasn’t 100% sure I wanted to.

Currently I’ve just been trying to figure out what to do. My mind wanders about girls and part of me wonders about a girl who claimed she liked me. I realize how this sounds fairly juvenile but that’s what it feels like too. IT seems so highschool (the relationship and this problem) but I don’t know what to do. I don’t even know if I want anything so serious yet. How does one determine when a relationship is right? Or When the person is right? Is it wrong for me to think about just being single in my last year of college and to enjoy the possibilities of other romances?

I find myself at the point yet again in my life where I must dive back into the dating pool, which mainly equals diving into the virtual dating pool and online dating.

For the last few months I’ve had accounts open on OkCupid and Plenty of Fish; both of which I’ve had past experience with (going back too many years than I’d really like to admit).

Obviously these sites aren’t working out.

The main issue I see being that most people on free sites just aren’t serious about meeting someone and frankly could care less about anyone unless someone comes along who basically floors them with stellar good looks, an awesome personality, or incredible potential in the sack. (that last one is purely speculative)

My intentions on these sites has always been to find someone to actually go on dates with and see if things progress from there.

My profile is welcoming, entertaining, and aside from a grammatical error here-and-there, well written (I’ve actually posted segments from my profile in another blurb on LV)

When I send messages to women, I make them personal. Introduce myself. Ask questions. Try to be witty if it merits. Basically, I don’t send anything that could be mistaken as a ‘Form Letters’ or Copy-n-Paste job; nor are they anything along the lines of “Damn baby, you fine…let’s meet.”

Still, I’d estimate the replies I receive are around 1 for every 20-30 women I contact. Stranger still, I’ll reply to women who contact me first…and then never hear back from them.

Getting back to my actual blurb point though, I have determined that it is perhaps time to make the next step in online dating and try one of the actual pay sites.

This is where all of you come into play.

Are there any sites you recommend I avoid? Are there any you would recommend as a good site to sign up with?

What are/were some of your experiences with a particular pay dating site? Or, do you know someone who had an interesting experience with on.

Let me (and anyone else who may be curious) know.

So basically, I have been seeing this guy for a few months. The thing is I am 19 going on 20 in the next month and he is 30. The relationship has been great but I decided I wanted to end the sneaking around and ended up telling my mom about him. She flipped out and told me I had to break up with him for my own good. I won’t go too much into her reasons as that’s not the issue. I do understand her reasons. They make a lot of sense. She told me that maybe in five years if I still loved this guy that then we could try coming out to my family but until then we had to cut all ties.

I don’t want to cut ALL ties but I am feeling like we should break up. I’m not willing to cause that kind of turmoil in my family. I still want to talk to him and be with him because I care very deeply for him. Is it wrong to say we are broken up and to remain friends but generally remain faithful to each other by not dating other people even if we can’t see each other? It feels like we would be treating this like a long distance relationship. How do I know if its worth the five year wait? At this moment, I feel like it would be so worth it! But what happens if that changes?

I was dating a guy for a few months and it was great until it really wasn’t. He was a mega-jerk about the end which makes it a lot easier to accept. So now I’m doing my favorite post-relationship things, including: listing all of his flaws that I willingly tolerated as girlfriend but won’t miss; watching Sex and the City (the way those ladies run through the boyfriends… I got nothing to be ashamed of!); cooking with my mom; and hitting the trenches of online dating again because why not?

What do you do after a relationship ends that helps you bounce back?

My friend introduced me to her new boyfriend this weekend. She’s gone on and on about him (totally in love, baking him cupcakes, making him lunch) and when I finally met him: He kept commenting on how expensive this or that was (Fun fact: his couch was $3,500.) He was rude to serving staff too, which is my pet peeve. He talked crap about public college not being good enough, and how we should get rid of homeless people. Anyway, she thinks he’s great. I’m not so convinced but they’ve moved in together after a month. Should I tell her that I don’t like him now? I’m thinking I should just keep my mouth shut since it’s ‘too late’ but I feel like she’s changing too much for him already. Her last boyfriend was a real dick that left her for a coworker in his office, so *by comparison* this guy is nice. Her self-esteem is shot, though. I’m really hoping it was a bad first impression because I really do want her to meet a nice guy.