Ok – so Im back to talk about my ex because I need some advice. yay LemonVibe! 🙂
I am a self proclaimed writer, finding all my thoughts and emotions can be better left on the screen in front of me..very soul cleansing. With that being said, I wrote my ex an email, after his ignorance and continual denial of the entire Pocahontas affair, to get out everything I needed to say to him, which he wouldn’t allow me to do to his face cause he’s a coward.
Last week, I ceremoniously deleted the man from my phone, my contacts, everything. Realizing, I was never going to get an answer or the truth from him, I needed to move on.
Last night, I get a “I’m such an idiot:( I hate myself for what I’ve done to you :(” text from a number that is all too familiar. I didn’t respond and thats followed with a “Im so dumb 😦 I can’t believe I’ve made you hurt. I promised you I would never hurt you.”
I waited for about 10 minutes, and then I responded, telling him I said everything I needed to say in the email I sent a couple weeks ago, and for once in my life I am speechless.
He wants to talk. He wants to set the record straight. I’ve already figured out everything about the situation on my own, because I’m the type that needs answers and I will find them on my own if they aren’t volunteered.
It was sick and twisted of me to feel joy at knowing that he was hurting. That he couldn’t get the weight off his chest about all this. I wanted him to hurt, and feel what I was feeling. Now, I know he is – and he finally wants to talk.
He wants to come clean to me, tell me everything, his side, finally. I need the closure. I am a closure person. I still am angry at Lost for how they ended the series…that was years ago.
So my dilemma — do I meet with him, have him tell me everything I already know, and Im sure some things I don’t, just to satisfy his need to get it off his chest?
Or – do I take the satisfaction of knowing that he hurts, and has a conscience, and make that my closure – leaving him to forever know I don’t forgive him; denying him a chance to have his story told, even though that’s what I’ve asked for all these months?