Thoughts?

Ok – so Im back to talk about my ex because I need some advice. yay LemonVibe! 🙂

I am a self proclaimed writer, finding all my thoughts and emotions can be better left on the screen in front of me..very soul cleansing. With that being said, I wrote my ex an email, after his ignorance and continual denial of the entire Pocahontas affair, to get out everything I needed to say to him, which he wouldn’t allow me to do to his face cause he’s a coward.

Last week, I ceremoniously deleted the man from my phone, my contacts, everything. Realizing, I was never going to get an answer or the truth from him, I needed to move on.

Last night, I get a “I’m such an idiot:( I hate myself for what I’ve done to you :(” text from a number that is all too familiar. I didn’t respond and thats followed with a “Im so dumb 😦 I can’t believe I’ve made you hurt. I promised you I would never hurt you.”

I waited for about 10 minutes, and then I responded, telling him I said everything I needed to say in the email I sent a couple weeks ago, and for once in my life I am speechless.

He wants to talk. He wants to set the record straight. I’ve already figured out everything about the situation on my own, because I’m the type that needs answers and I will find them on my own if they aren’t volunteered.

It was sick and twisted of me to feel joy at knowing that he was hurting. That he couldn’t get the weight off his chest about all this. I wanted him to hurt, and feel what I was feeling. Now, I know he is – and he finally wants to talk.

He wants to come clean to me, tell me everything, his side, finally. I need the closure. I am a closure person. I still am angry at Lost for how they ended the series…that was years ago.

So my dilemma — do I meet with him, have him tell me everything I already know, and Im sure some things I don’t, just to satisfy his need to get it off his chest?

Or – do I take the satisfaction of knowing that he hurts, and has a conscience, and make that my closure – leaving him to forever know I don’t forgive him; denying him a chance to have his story told, even though that’s what I’ve asked for all these months?

Gah.

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6 thoughts on “Thoughts?

  1. Matt Sanchelli says:

    [While I am usually a big fan of closure myself (never go to bed fighting), if you have things figured out…then there really isn’t any purpose to meet with him.

    Out of the things he could tell you, that you don’t know already, how likely is it that any of those will make you feel good? Odds are they will most likely cause you either pain, regret, or sadness.

    Not to discount his level of regret and remorse for how he treated you, if he genuinely felt that wronging you was the primary reason for finally contacting you…he would have started with a text with something along the lines of, “I’m sorry…”.

    But he didn’t.

    He began with “I’m such an idiot…”, and “I’m so dumb…”, which leads me to believe he could have been hoping you’d reply with, “No, you’re not. It’s okay…” and so on and so forth. He could be looking for some sort of validation from you. He could be looking for forgiveness from you.

    The fact that weeks have gone by does not sit well with me. The fact it took him weeks to want to set the record straight with you makes me think his intentions are largely (if not completely selfish). It’s like when my Ex told me she had sex with another man in the bedroom while I was asleep on the couch downstairs. I wouldn’t have known had she not told me. She didn’t tell me to be honest with me, or make me feel better…she told me purely to make herself feel better; or something along those lines.

    My personal opinion, don’t meet him.

    But ultimately you need to ask yourself, is there anything he can say to you that will make you feel better; anything that will improve where you’re at right now?

    If the answer is No…then simply tell him he had his chance [x] days ago to set the record straight. Time’s up.

  2. MargieCharles says:

    [I didn’t catch the first blurb, so forgive me if any of my assumptions are wrong.

    I don’t think this is going to give you the closure you think it is. I’d be willing to bet that he’s hurting less because he hurt you, and more because now he’s alone and realizing he screwed up something good he had going. If he was hurting because of your pain, it seems like that would have come about mostly at the beginning. But since it’s taken this long, it seems a lot more to do with how he is feeling now and realizing he made a mistake.

    Basically, I wouldn’t give him the satisfaction. Don’t let him think he has another chance or that he has any way to get back into your life. Because you may take a meet-up with him as a way to get the closure it sounds like you already mostly have (I wouldn’t trust a lot of the emotional stuff he’d tell you this late in the game anyway), but he’d probably see it as a sign that there’s still a chance. I don’t think it would be doing either of you any favors.

    You deleted his number for a reason. He’s fishing for attention with his overly pitiful text messages. I would suggest not replying to them altogether.

  3. Solstice says:

    [I would be really tempted to see him if I were you, I know the feeling…but you already have things figured out for yourself, and you already have closure. So try to resist! You don’t need to see him – no good will come of it!

  4. DavidIsGreat says:

    [I say move on. If you’re ever repairing things, it’s too soon. But I dont think it’s worth it.

  5. AKchic says:

    [Sounds to me like he wants someone to butter his ego a bit. As PV said – he didn’t apologize. He was self-depreciating, fishing for affirmations. He wants you to bump up his ego a bit. He knows that if he gets to see you in person, he can ham it up. Not shower, wear dirty-ish clothes, really look down-trodden and miserable. Let you eat that shit up. Make you feel bad for him. He can manipulate you. He wants you to feel bad for him, otherwise, he would have apologized for being a complete cock-up right off the bat.
    He’s setting the terms for his “setting the record straight”. Not apology. He’s had how many fucking weeks to get his (version of the) STORY straight? He’s perfected his “woe is me” tale to his friends and family enough to be convincing. Now it’s time to convince the wronged party. No. Don’t give him the chance. You don’t need to be convinced. You know enough of the record to be straight. You weren’t important enough in his world for him to be honest, to be the only woman, etc. So, you had enough respect for yourself to move on. You need not revisit this. He’s just trying to regain control of the relationship you two had and try to worm his way back in (you’re his escape/out of the relationship he escaped to last time).

    You’re stronger than that. If nothing else – tell him your Alaskan lover said that she’ll kick his ass if he peddles any more lies your way. *snicker* It will leave him speechless if nothing else.

  6. Clueless says:

    [Yeah, it is not worth getting back in touch with him. As a self-identified idiot (although not in the way he is), it doesn’t take weeks to figure out when you’ve messed up…it’s usually pretty instantaneous. As legend Ron Burgundy so eloquently states initial reactions to dumb actions, “I immediately regret this decision.” Since he didn’t have this mindset, he shouldn’t get another chance.

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