I don’t like her boyfriend.

My friend introduced me to her new boyfriend this weekend. She’s gone on and on about him (totally in love, baking him cupcakes, making him lunch) and when I finally met him: He kept commenting on how expensive this or that was (Fun fact: his couch was $3,500.) He was rude to serving staff too, which is my pet peeve. He talked crap about public college not being good enough, and how we should get rid of homeless people. Anyway, she thinks he’s great. I’m not so convinced but they’ve moved in together after a month. Should I tell her that I don’t like him now? I’m thinking I should just keep my mouth shut since it’s ‘too late’ but I feel like she’s changing too much for him already. Her last boyfriend was a real dick that left her for a coworker in his office, so *by comparison* this guy is nice. Her self-esteem is shot, though. I’m really hoping it was a bad first impression because I really do want her to meet a nice guy.

6 thoughts on “I don’t like her boyfriend.

  1. resullins says:

    [This is always a tough situation… and there a LOT of ways you could go with this one. However, what I would do would be to let her figure it out.

    She’s in the honeymoon phase right now, which means that anything you say to her will roll off like water off a duck’s ass… and she may get offended by it. Once the shimmer wears off, she’ll probably figure it out on her own. If you would like to play devil’s advocate and make sure to put him in the situations where his bad side comes out, then by all means, do so. But tread carefully.

    If, after another couple of months, your friend hasn’t see the light, so to speak, then perhaps it might be time to broach the subject.

  2. Happy Pants says:

    [Wait a little while before you say anything. I have a feeling that this relationship is going to go down in spectacular flames, and it’ll be a lot easier on your friendship if you can just be there to help clean it up rather than fuel it.

    (I’m in the same situation with a couple of my friends’ boyfriends, and it’s a very tricky situation, so I totally get how frustrating it is to watch it happen.)

  3. AKchic says:

    [Pop some corn, sit back, and relax. This will implode soon. Let’s hope it’s before she breeds with this winner.

  4. lilredbmw says:

    [Keep it tight-lipped for now if you can. See where it goes. There is really no point in causing a scene, when chances are it will happen in due time with out you. Or…

    In situations like this, I tend to “mention” things instead of going all out and saying I don’t like the person. So, instead of saying you don’t like him, if you must say something, just mention something like, “Wow. So-and-so was super-rude to that waiter. Is he having a bad day?” Because really at this point you don’t have too many reasons to not like him…you just have an idea that you won’t. He has displayed some questionable behavior, and I don’t see anything wrong with just “mentioning” it without passing judgement and thus offending your friend.

  5. karlos says:

    [If he’s so concerned with how much things cost, just casually ask him how much he’d value his relationship at. I’m sure with the way you’ve described this guy he’ll give the wrong answer.

  6. Matt Sanchelli says:

    [I’m going to go a little against the grain here by saying that if you’re not really liking the guy, and think he may not be good for your friend, go ahead and say something…though keep it short and sweet, and tactful.

    The reason I say this is because I’ve dated women in the past that my friends did not like, for reasons that I should have seen but didn’t because I was in that “honeymoon” stage of being blinded by all of the chemical releases from being “smitten”. In some other cases, I saw a few things I didn’t like but didn’t react to them because I figured I was just being paranoid. Had my friends then said something, it would have verified that I wasn’t just making things up.

    Sure, I see this potentially imploding on itself should this guy continue acting the way you say he has. But I wouldn’t want to bet on it and then have a good friend of mine in a crappy relationship for 6 months, a year, or longer and have to suppress how I really feel.

    If you haven’t already, go out with them a couple more times and see if he’s consistent in how he acts and if you still get the “bad vibe”. If you do, bring it up to your friend and let her know some of your concerns.

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